Fooling Others
by BreetanyaViolet
Summary: Its time for Harry to stop the threat he is causing for everyone in the Order and Hogwarts. He can't let anyone else die because of him. Prophecy be darned, prophecies can be misinterperted.
1. He Had to End It

Fooling Others  
  
By BreetanyaViolet  
  
AN: Hi! I really shouldn't be posting this... But I am, after the urging of my best friends and sometimes beta readers and co-authors... Read Bi-Polar if you want humor. This fic is going to be as angsty as I can maintain it. BUT you must have patience with the updates. I shall update on September 6th. No sooner. I have too many obligations to concentrate on this fic alone. I need to keep writing TEOTD and my novel. Which, btw, is horribly behind schedule. Anyway, I don't own HP or the characters.  
  
Chapter 1: He Had to Stop It.  
  
Harry was standing in the boy's bathroom, locked with a simple charm, holding a knife he had stolen from the kitchens at half past midnight.  
  
It had been too much. He had returned to Hogwarts from a summer where he was ignored, not being able to escape the Dursley's that summer. Any owls he had gotten from Hermione and Ron were too vague to offer any comfort leading him to believe they were at Black manor for the summer again, and he had been left to fall deep into depression. He had stopped responding to anything the Dursleys said to him after the first week, and did his homework in silence with only the minimal amount of effort. The only owls he set out were those to Hermione and Ron when they begged for a reply, and to Moody every two days so no one would come and see him when all he wanted was to be alone.  
  
Sirius's death had hit him hard and he hadn't been able to cope once everyone who at least had pretend sympathy was separated from him. He was reminded painfully of Cedric's death, and nightmares concerning the night he got his scar were breaks between Cedric's accusing finger, and Sirius's rage at him.  
  
Harry knew it was his fault that all of those people had died. He was there when it happened. All because Voldemort wanted to kill him, he killed them because they were in the way. And he kept on killing others now that he was alive again. Alive with aid from Harry himself. Harry's blood had allowed Voldemort to rise again, and according to dear old Voldie, it had made him stronger.  
  
Then at the end of the last school year, Voldemort possessed him. Took over his body and used his mouth to taunt Dumbledore. After that, Voldemort had let him see the numerous of deaths he was responsible for over the summer. Just tonight, he had killed a small family of three, with a year-old son. Harry had felt the pleasure Voldemort was feeling knowing that it brought Harry's worse times back into the front of his mind. Knowing it would show Harry how helpless he really was.  
  
Harry couldn't be the one from the prophecy Dumbledore had shown him. If he were, then where those powers that Voldemort did not have? Sure, he was marked, by a scar. What if the mark was by fear? What if Voldemort feared Neville and so convinced himself that Harry was the one that threatened him? Neville was marked, by Voldemort's death eaters. He was marked with clumsiness and little self-confidence from growing up with insane parents he only saw occasionally.  
  
But during the D.A. meetings Harry had discovered that Neville held a great deal of power, and it was only his lack of confidence that held him back. Harry was certain that it was Neville who would defeat Voldemort, not him.  
  
He had only lived because his mother had died for him. And he was left with this curse scar that could endanger anyone near him.  
  
He had to stop it. He was not a benefit to the Light in anyway, and if anything, he was a handicap. It would be best if he stopped it now.  
  
His hand was shaking as he held the knife above his wrist, and with a sudden confidence thrust it down cutting deep into his skin and letting his blood flow out of his wrist.   
  
He took the knife in his other hand and cut his other wrist while the knife was being soaked in his blood running down from his wrist.  
  
He smiled as he slumped to the floor, still conscious, but too dizzy to stay upright. He lay there several minutes before hearing someone trying to get into the bathroom, and then the unlocking charm was used to make the door fly open.   
  
He drifted into unconsciousness as a voice sounding somewhat familiar said, "Shit."  
  
AN: Okay, Please review, tell me what you think of it! I need to know! If I get enough reviews I'll post on September 1st. I know, not that much of a deal, but hey! I have a lot of things to write! Review, complain, flame, I don't care, just push that button and comment on the story! 


	2. Waiting and Watching

Fooling Other's  
  
by BreetanyaViolet  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Waiting and Watching  
  
AN: I tend to lie a lot. I told you it would be the first or 6th of September. Its earlier. Why? Because I'm an idiot. I will not place a date for the next update. I'll just say it will be within two months. Why two months? 'Cause I'm trying to graduate. Unfortunally, that means sitting at the computer writing a story I hate. Onto disclaimers.  
  
I don't own anything of the Harry Potter world, never will, unless I become outragously rich and buy the rights from Rowling. Which isn't likely to happen.  
  
Snape was forced to patrol the first night back the little brats were back in the castle. It had been known for centuries now that couples were more likely to sneak off in the beginning of the year after the absence from their so called loved one. The so called lovers would separate by the end of the month as anybody without love stricken eyes could see and it disgusted Snape to think what these children were thinking.  
  
So there he was, wasting his night looking for shagging children in classrooms and bathrooms, when he could have been making potions.  
  
He was walking down the fifth floor west corridor pushing open any closed doors when he reached the boys bathroom. He pushed on the door but it refused to open.  
  
He sighed and steeled himself for the spectacle he might see. He opened the door with a simple Alohamora charm causing the door to fly open.  
  
He wasn't expecting that sight.  
  
There on the cold stone floor was Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived, smiling serenely with his eyes half closed and his robes sprawled around him, his arms on either side of his body. The gray stone was hidden by blood, and a bone knife, bloodied like the stone, was grasped lightly in his left hand.  
  
"Shit," the word was out of his mouth faster than he realized the look of horror that had replaced his usual mask.  
  
He quickly scooped up the deathly white boy in his arms and ran towards the Hospital Wing faster than he thought possible.  
  
"Poppy!" Snape yelled as the Hospital wing doors came into sight. "POPPY!"  
  
Madame Pomfrey hurriedly opened the door and was shocked to see Snape rush through them with something white and limp in his arms.  
  
"Severus, what is the..." Pomfrey fell silent as she saw what the white limp thing in his arms was. "Put him down on the bed immediately, go fetch Dumbledore and Minerva, and then get to work on a blood replenishing potion. I have none in my stores."  
  
Severus quickly left the hospital wing and went straight to McGollangal's rooms, which were closer than the headmaster's.  
  
She opened the door tying her red bathrobe shut and in her lion slippers and demanded "Severus, what in the name of Merlin are you doing here at one in the morning?"  
  
"You have to go get Dumbledore and bring him to the Hospital Wing where Poppy is trying to save Potter's life. He slit his wrists. Now if you excuse me I have a potion to make," Snape said shortly and went on his way leaving a shocked McGollangal behind him.  
  
He arrived in the dungeons and started summoning ingredients to his cauldron. He needed to get the basis of it done as quickly as possible as it needed to simmer for a good ninety minutes before it would do any good for Potter.  
  
He was chopping his earthworms before he started thinking about what he had seen. Never in all of the years he had taught Potter did Snape believe that he would try to kill himself. 'And he might still succeed,' Snape thought involuntarily. Madame Pomfrey might not be able to stanch the bleeding enough to keep him alive until the potion was ready.  
  
Potter was the Golden Boy, had everything, and was loved by everyone. He got eleven O.W.L.s and managed some how to sneak by with an 'O' O.W.L. in Potions. He was back on his Quidditch team, and even managed to land the spot of Captain. The werewolf was even back teaching DADA so he wouldn't have to worry about another DADA professor trying to kill him or take away his memory. He had friends who cared about him.  
  
None of this leads to suicide.  
  
Snape just couldn't put his brain around that problem. Sure he was teased by the Slytherins, but everyone non-Slytherin was and none of them had reached the point of suicide.   
  
Snape shook his head and concentrated on the potion before leaving it to simmer as he went back to the hospital wing to inform Pomfrey of his progress.  
  
He walked into the Hospital Wing to see Potter, white as the sheets he was laying on with bright red blotches seeping through gauze bandages. Dumbledore was in conference with Pomfrey and McGollangal was keeping a tearful vigil on Harry.  
  
"The potion should be done in eighty minutes," Snape said dully.  
  
"Lets hope he can last that long," Poppy said sadly. "He's lost a lot of blood and I can't heal his cuts to stop the bleeding. In healing, magic takes what the body can already do and speeds it up. But slit wrists won't clot, and no one but a Healer of the top level can heal without first clotting the wound. There are none alive today."  
  
Snape nodded slightly to show that he had listened and sat down on an empty bed. Albus asked him, "Where did you find Harry?"  
  
"Fifth floor east wing boys' bathroom," Snape replied. "His blood was pooled on the floor. I think the knife is still there."  
  
"Minerva, if you would be so kind as to ask Mr. Filch to go clean up that bathroom?" Dumbledore asked of the deputy Headmistress.  
  
"But Albus!" McGollangal protested. "I can't leave my student like this!"  
  
"And what good would you do him by just sitting beside his bed?" Dumbledore asked kindly. "Please go inform Mr. Filch to clean that bathroom and command not to breathe a word about it to another soul."  
  
"Yes Headmaster," McGollangal conceded standing up and walking out of the door.  
  
The minutes ticked by slowly as more blood seeped through Harry's bandages and deafening silence ruled the room. McGollangal returned to the room after twenty minutes as Filch's office was on the other side of the school.  
  
She turned to Dumbledore, tears dry, but tear tracks still visible on her cheeks and asked, "Why Albus? Why did he do it?"  
  
Snape looked at the Headmaster waiting for an answer. He himself didn't have one and it frustrated him to hell and back when he didn't have an answer to an annoying question.   
  
Dumbledore shook his head sadly, no twinkle in his blue eyes as he said, "I don't know Minerva. I honestly don't. It goes against Harry's personality completely. He knows he's needed, he's seen the prophecy. Harry wouldn't run away when he knows people are depending on him."  
  
The room fell into silence again and they all watched as Poppy changed Harry's bandages when they became too saturated with his blood.  
  
Finally Snape walked out of the door and down to the dungeons where the potion was complete, at last. He quickly poured some into a flask and ran up to the hospital wing as fast as his legs would take him. He gave the potion to Pomfrey who forced it down Harry's throat.   
  
She looked at them with a cautious look in her eyes, "He's lost a lot of blood, this may be too little too late. Severus, please go brew another batch for later."  
  
Snape agreed, glad to do something rather than sit around and watch his childhood enemy's son float between life and death and silently kicking himself for not thinking of making more. He finished two more batches before six thirty in the morning when he decided to bring up what he had to the hospital wing and to check and see if Harry still breathed.  
  
He walked into the Hospital Wing to see Harry just as white and covered up to the chin with a barely whiter sheet. But his chest continued to move up and down. Snape handed his potions to Poppy and asked, "Is he going to make it?"  
  
"Possibly," she said not giving any definite answers. "Please don't disturb Minerva. She has just managed to drop off to sleep, and she needs rest before telling his friends."  
  
"Do you need anymore of that potion?" Snape asked putting his hand through his hair.  
  
"No, not right now," Pomfrey said. "Get some sleep, you have classes in a few hours. And I'm sure you don't want to fall asleep during double potions with Slytherins and Gryffindors."  
  
Snape sneered half heartedly, "I've gone on no sleep for seventy-two hours at a time Poppy. I think I'll manage. I'll go make another batch."  
  
Snape sighed as he walked out the door, who would have thought he would be this worried whether Potter died or not.  
  
AN:   
  
This is not slash.   
  
Snape is not Harry's father.   
  
now that we got that out of the way, please review.  
  
BTW it will all come together eventually. 


	3. Denial Denied

Denial Denied  
  
AN: I don't own Harry Potter.  
Anyone who reads The End of Those Days, please be patient, the next update for TEOTD will be November 10th, my sister's birthday. I would have made it sooner, but that is as fast as I can get it up... I need to write five chapters worth of novel in about a week and I'm just an amateur.  
The next update for this will be within the next two months.  
The rest of my stories are on hiatus until I find time, which probably won't be for another twenty years.   
Enough of my babbling, on with the story...  
  
Hermione had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach when she woke up the morning after they arrived at Hogwarts. She glanced at the clock and decided to get up for the day when she saw it was six thirty. She decided she would be more tired if she went back to sleep for a half an hour than staying up those extra thirty minutes.  
  
As soon as she was ready she went to the Common Room, where she met Ron, who was no doubt eager for breakfast.  
  
"Where's Harry?" she asked.  
  
Ron shrugged and said, "He's probably down in the Great Hall; he wasn't in the dorm. He usually got up early last year as well."  
  
They went down to the Great Hall talking about Harry along the way. Hermione vaguely noticed that Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGollangal were not at the Head table and Dumbledore seemed somber, as she wondered with Ron where Harry could be.  
  
Hagrid started down the table handing the schedules out instead of Professor McGollangal, when he got to Ron and Hermione he said cheerfully, "'Ello you two, where's 'Arry?"  
  
Ron shrugged and Hermione said, "We aren't sure. Why are you handing out the schedules?"  
  
"I'm not all together sure, but Professor Dumbledore asked me to hand them out, so that's what I'm do'in," Hagrid replied handing them their schedules. "Well, I'd best be off, I have the rest of the schedules to give out."  
  
"Bye Hagrid," they said together as Hagrid moved on. They finished breakfast and started walking to their first class, Herbology.  
  
"I'm getting worried about Harry," Hermione said. "Even if he wasn't hungry he would have shown up to breakfast for his schedule."  
  
"You know he's not you," Ron said. "He doesn't need to know all of his classes right away."  
  
"Honestly Ron," Hermione sighed getting ready to give him a lecture.  
  
"Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley," a voice behind them called. "Come with me."  
  
They turned around to see Professor McGollangal with blood shot eyes and a great sense of foreboding dropped on Hermione's shoulders. McGollangal brought them to her office and sat them down in front of her desk. She sat down behind her desk and looked at them for a few minutes before sighing.  
  
"I'm sure you are both wondering where Harry is," McGollangal said. "Last night, as Professor Snape was patrolling the halls he looked into the Boys' bathroom suspecting that someone was in there. Someone was indeed in there, Harry."  
  
"Harry can't be expelled for being in the bathroom at night," Ron said when McGollangal paused for a while.  
  
"Harry has not been expelled," McGollangal said. "Professor Snape found him in the bathroom unconscious... H-Harry had s-slit his wrists. We're still not s-sure if he'll survive."  
  
"No," Hermione whispered. "I don't believe you."  
  
McGollangal sighed and said, "I'm afraid its true Miss Granger. Last night Harry tried to kill himself."  
  
"No," Ron put in. "He wouldn't. He couldn't."  
  
"I'm afraid he did Mr. Weasley," McGollangal said trying to break through the two friends' denial.  
  
"No," Hermione shook her head. "It has to be someone else. It's not him. You've mistaken him for someone else. I will not believe it is him."  
  
McGollangal sighed again knowing there would be only one way to break through their denial, and that way was horribly cruel. McGollangal closed her eyes and said, "Would both of you please accompany me to the hospital wing?"  
  
"All right," Hermione said as Ron nodded.  
  
McGollangal choked back her tears at what horror she was going to make these children see. She led the way to the hospital wing and walked in silently with Hermione and Ron behind her. Pomfrey gasped when she looked up from some paperwork and saw McGollangal leading the students to see Harry.  
  
Hermione gasped and dropped to her knees, as tears leaked out of her eyes when she saw Harry. No longer was he as pale as the sheets, but he was far too pale to be healthy; the bandages on his wrists were soaked through with crimson blood just made him look paler. Ron silently backed up into a bed and sat down abruptly.  
  
McGollangal surveyed the scene through tear filled eyes.  
  
AN: REMEMBER TO REVIEW!!! I'd like to know what you think so I can improve upon my story! 


	4. Dreams of the Guilty

AN: Um... HI!  
  
Since I was so mean and didn't give you much of an update last time I cranked this out from another fic i had that was sorta parralle to this one. I fixed it so it works.  
  
I said before to my TEOTD readers, it will be updated on 11/10/03, that still holds  
  
I should be writing furiously right now to get my gradproj done... but i'm not... i'm being nice to you. I'm updating  
  
Oh yeah. I don't own HP.  
  
Dreams of the Guilty  
  
"You killed me Harry." Cedric cried pointing his finger at him. "You knew that cup was a portkey and you wanted me dead. You wanted me dead so you could have Cho. And you made her miserable when you did get her. You are a despicable person Harry. I don't know how you could be in Gryffindor. You act like the Slytherins. Anything to get what you want. Even murder. You are horrible. Then when she was distraught over my death you took advantage of her. YOU kissed her when she was crying about me. And to top things off you walked out of your date on Valentine's day to increase your fame. All you want is other people's pity and attention. If I were alive, I would join Voldemort just to see you get what you deserve."  
  
"No, no Cedric," Harry cried as the darkness in the void he was in swallowed Cedric. "I didn't know. I didn't want to kill you to get Cho! I didn't mean to kiss her! She kissed me!"  
  
Then a man of 22 looking remarkably like Harry came out of the darkness, "I can't believe I fathered you. In fact I'm beginning to believe that Voldemort raped Lily. How could you do such a thing? I DIED trying to protect you. This is how you repay me? By killing your classmate because of a girl? And if that wasn't enough you killed my best friend, YOUR Godfather. He also was saving your miserable skin. You certainly are no son of mine."  
  
"Dad," Harry cried, on his knees not quite knowing how he got there. "I didn't mean to kill them."  
  
But his words were useless, as James had already faded into the darkness. Soon, Lily came into his view, "I should have stood aside and let Voldemort kill you. At least that way that poor boy and Sirius would still be alive. AND Sirius would have never had to spend any time in Azkaban, as I would be alive to say that he was not our secret keeper. Sacrificing myself to save you was the worst decision of my life. I still can't believe my stupidity."  
  
"No..."  
  
Lily faded out of sight. Harry waited in silence for the next phantom to come. He knew another one was coming. And another one did. Sirius.   
  
"Potter," Sirius sneered not even using Harry's first name. "Snape was right about you. You are a lazy prat who steps out of line way too often. You cheated to become part of the Triwizard Tournament. You just NEEDED more fame. You haven't done one thing right in your whole life. Well, yes you did. You killed me before the Dementors took away my soul, so at least I can go on with my friends, whom you also killed. You can kill everyone but yourself! I mean who else can slit their wrists and not die? YOU are alive, and you can't kill yourself when you are unconscious. And I doubt once you wake up you'll be left alone for five seconds let alone long enough to off yourself. I'm glad I died so I don't have to put up with you screwing up anymore."  
  
Harry sobbed as Sirius faded away, knowing that everyone of the people who had visited him since he tried to kill himself were right, and he faded into dreams of green flashes and falling stars.  
  
AN: two short updates in a short amount of time should equal a long update in a long ammount of time.  
  
Sorry,  
  
But please be nice to me and review (And yes I fixed the chapter so it had purpose in the story) 


	5. The Vigil

The Vigil  
  
After McGollangal escorted Hermione and Ron back to Gryffindor Tower, Hermione had locked herself in the 6th year girls' dormitory and wouldn't even let Parvati or Lavender into their room. Ron had taken to staring at the fire not talking to anyone, but eating anything his sister brought to him mechanically.  
  
The hours passed by with loud complaints by Lavender and Parvati echoing across the common room no matter where they were or how loud everyone else was. Ron continued to look into the fire while his friends worried about him, trying to get him to snap out of his stupor.  
  
Finally around 9:00pm Hermione came storming out of the girls' dormitory and out of the portrait, Ron following her as soon as he realized she had left.  
  
They both marched through the hospital wing entrance at roughly the same time to see a startled Madame Pomfrey looking at them. "What are you two doing in here? You are supposed to be in your common room."  
  
"I'm not leaving, I want to be here when Harry wakes up," Hermione said sitting down on a chair next to Harry's bed.  
  
"But we have no idea when that will be," Pomfrey said coming over to help her out of the door.  
  
Ron sat down beside Hermione and said, "It doesn't matter; we'll just wait here."  
  
"It could be days Mr. Weasley," Pomfrey said softly.  
  
"It doesn't matter," Hermione said firmly. "We'd just be moping around the common room doing the exact same thing. At least we'll be here when he wakes up."  
  
"He may not want you here when he wakes up," Pomfrey said gently. "People who do this sort of thing usually don't want their friends around when they wake up."  
  
"So?" Ron said. "We'll be here whether he likes it or not. The stupid git."  
  
Pomfrey opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by Remus coming into the room announcing: "I ate."  
  
She looked at the clock and demanded, "How did you eat already? I only got you out of here fifteen minutes ago!"  
  
"I ate my sandwich while coming back up here. You never said I had to sit down to eat," Remus replied. He turned to look at Harry and was surprised to see Hermione and Ron sitting by his bed. "What are you two doing here? Aren't you supposed to be up in Gryffindor Tower?"  
  
"We want to be here when he wakes up," Hermione said.  
  
"Everyone kept bugging us about what was wrong up there," Ron added.  
  
Remus nodded and said, "No one knows then?"  
  
"No," Hermione said. "I didn't speak to anyone. I locked myself in the dormitory and wouldn't let anyone in."  
  
"I didn't say anything to anyone either," Ron said. "Not even Ginny."  
  
"So only the teachers and you two know," Remus mused.  
  
"Did you tell Hagrid?" Hermione asked.  
  
"No, we decided not to tell him until Harry wakes up," Remus sighed. "We don't want the Hospital Wing to be filled with letters requesting interviews, curses, and charms. He's bound to tell someone at the pub. You know how he is."  
  
"Yeah," Ron said ruefully. "We get a ton of information out of him when he is sober, let alone when he's drunk."  
  
They sat in silence after that for a few hours until Madam Pomfrey came over to them, "Get to bed all of you! Its midnight! You two, go to your dormitories, and Remus, you go to your rooms."  
  
"No," they all said together.  
  
"We already told you Madame Pomfrey," Hermione said. "We are staying here until Harry wakes up."  
  
"I already let James and Sirius down," Remus said quietly. "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Pomfrey threw her arms up in frustration, "Fine! At least take a cot in here and go to sleep!"  
  
"No," Hermione said. "You won't wake us if Harry wakes up."  
  
"I'll wake you up," Pomfrey promised.  
  
"You might wake up Re-Professor Lupin, but not Hermione or me," Ron said.  
  
Madame Pomfrey took several deep breaths with her eyes closed. "Fine," she said with a strained calm. "Take shifts throughout out the night. See if I care if you make yourselves sick with this vigil."  
  
"Alright, Ron take the first shift, wake me up at 2:40, I'll take the middle shift, and wake Hermione up at 5:20. Is that alright with you Madam Pomfrey?" Remus asked.  
  
"Yes, yes, fine," Pomfrey sighed going back to her own bed just outside the Hospital Wing so she could hear anything going on in it.  
  
Ron and Hermione stayed in the Hospital Wing constantly for the next two weeks regardless of the tactics of trying to get them out of there. Harry was moved to a private room, used only when people had to stay there for an extended amount of time; Hermione and Ron followed him. This caused all three of them to drop off of the student's radar. Dobby brought food up to them, they slept and studied, and were tutored in all of their classes by Remus, who spent all of his time outside of classes in the Hospital Wing as well. Remus also filled them in on the reasons that were given as to why they and Harry had seemingly disappeared from the school. The rumors included being kidnapped by Death eaters, being put in Azkaban, or, Remus's favorite, were in hiding in the Himalayas being taught some sort of ancient magic to protect them from Voldemort's wrath as Harry was number one on Voldemort's hit list, and his two best friends were easy targets for the Dark Lord who wants to make Harry suffer.  
  
They kept the same schedule as they had that first night. Remus walked over to Hermione's bed and gently shook her awake, "Hermione, its your shift."  
  
Hermione stretched and yawned, "I knew I shouldn't have stayed up finishing that essay for Snape. It isn't due until Friday."  
  
"You don't have a sympathetic ear here," Remus grinned. "I told you to get to bed."  
  
"Yeah well, so did Madame Pomfrey, but do I listen to her?" Hermione replied grabbing her clothes and going into the bathroom to take a quick shower. She came out of the bathroom dressed and her wet hair in a ponytail. She sat beside Harry and cringed at the sight of his wrists. Less blood was seeping through the bandages now, but the slits still weren't clotted so Pomfrey couldn't heal them yet. Hermione sighed, "What were you thinking Harry?"  
  
Harry twitched slightly. Hermione held her breath for a few seconds when Harry opened his eyes and said, "Damn, I have to get better at Occlumency." 


	6. Trying Lies

Chapter 6  
  
Trying Lies  
  
AN: Heheh... I forgot to put these up last time...  
  
I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Both this fic and The End of Those Days will be updated simataniously from now on until one of them finishes.  
  
I know, I know, I can't spell...  
  
All well. Here's the story...  
  
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V  
  
Harry woke up without opening his eyes. He knew once he opened his eyes he would be berated with questions. Questions he really didn't want to answer. He was trying to fall back asleep when he heard Hermione ask, "What were you thinking Harry?"  
  
He twitched involuntarily. He realized he would have to think of something fast. Suddenly his scar twinged and he knew exactly what to say. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Damn, I have to get better at Occlumency."  
  
Suddenly Hermione had enveloped him in a bone crushing hug, "You're awake Harry! You're okay!"  
  
"Not if you suffocate me," Harry gasped out.  
  
Hermione backed off blushing and suddenly yelled, "RON! REMUS! MADAME POMFREY! HE WOKE UP!"  
  
Suddenly a loud thump was heard from across the room. Harry propped himself on his elbow to see Ron laying on the floor tangled in his bed sheets with Remus trying to help the poor boy up.   
  
Madame Pomfrey came rushing into the room, "HARRY! Lay back down right now! Remus, please go get Professor Dumbledore."  
  
Both Harry and Remus did as they were told, each reluctantly. Madame Pomfrey checked over Harry tutting while Ron got the few details that occurred while he was asleep. As soon as Madame Pomfrey was done checking Harry over and forcing some more potions down his throat, Professor Dumbledore came into the room with Remus following him.  
  
Harry sighed inwardly. He knew what was next. The integration. He only hoped they would buy his quickly drafted story.  
  
Dumbledore sat on the chair next to his bed along with Remus. Hermione and Ron sat on the bed directly behind the chairs and Madame Pomfrey made herself look busy by checking the small supply of potions in the room. Dumbledore looked at Hermione and Ron and said, "You two should go to sleep, I believe Madam Pomfrey has some potions to help you along."  
  
Ron started to protest but Hermione sighed and elbowed him in the ribs. "They'll make us leave either way. Just take the potion."  
  
Dumbledore nodded at Pomfrey who gave Dreamless Sleeping Potion to the two teenagers. As soon as they were asleep, Dumbledore turned to Harry looking grave, "Harry, why did you try to kill yourself?"  
  
"I didn't," Harry said quietly letting his eyes drift down. "Voldemort tried to kill me through my scar, god damn it! He killed a young couple with a little boy and made me watch. I tried to use Occulmency, but it didn't work. I was too worked up over their deaths, damn it! He was able to possess me. I don't know how the fuck he was able to do that! You said last year that he couldn't bleeding possess me because of some-bleeding-thing I had in me! The son of a bitch forced me to get a knife and go to the bloody loo! He slit my wrists and smiled. I tried to fight him. I yelled at him, I swore at him, I did everything I could think of. I called him a fucking-Hitler-wanna-be. He heard that thought anyway. It just made the fucking bastard laugh. He said he would leave right before I was dead so I couldn't call for any fucking help. What about that thing that I am supposed to have inside me? You said he wouldn't be able to possess me because of that ruddy thing!"  
  
"Harry, Voldemort can't possess you for longer than five minutes," Dumbledore said shaking his head.  
  
"Well he found a bleeding way to possess me for a hell of a lot longer than five minutes," Harry snapped and brought up his wrists to show the headmaster. "See these? That's Voldemort's work. Why the hell would I want to kill myself?"  
  
Dumbledore looked at him sternly for a moment pondering then sighed, "I wish I could believe you Harry, but I know that you have a magic within you which harms Voldemort."  
  
"Then he found a bleeding shield against it!" Harry exclaimed. "Why would I want to off myself? My life is the only thing I have left of my mother's! Besides, if I really want to die I'd just turn myself over to the Deatheaters or... or... Jump from the Astronomy Tower. Either way I'd be dead, though turning myself into Deatheaters would probably be more painful."  
  
"Headmaster, if you are going to aggravate him, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Madam Pomfrey said softly. "Harry, please calm down."  
  
"Why should I?" Harry demanded. "You all think I slit my wrists!"  
  
"Harry, you did," Remus said softly, his eyes downcast.  
  
"Bloody hell I did! You don't even believe me. I know Sirius would!" Harry spat. Remus recoiled as if he were struck.   
  
"Excuse me," he said softly walking out of the room.  
  
Dumbledore looked sadly at Harry, "Harry, we'll talk about this later."  
  
Madam Pomfrey came over with a goblet of steaming potion and said to Harry, "You have to drink this, it will help you sleep."  
  
"Are you sure its isn't going to KILL me?" Harry asked angrily.  
  
"Yes," Pomfrey said calmly.  
  
"Fine," Harry grumbled taking the goblet and drinking the contents. He fell asleep thinking he had failed once again.  
  
Madam Pomfrey looked at the Headmaster when she was sure Harry was asleep, "Do you think he is telling the truth Albus?"  
  
Dumbledore shook his head sadly, "I don't believe so, but I'm going to give him the benefit of a doubt."  
  
"BUT HEADMASTER!" Pomfrey shrieked. "What if he tries it again?"  
  
"We'll be watching him, but he won't know it," Dumbledore said calmly. "I believe many of the portraits would be happy to assist."  
  
"Are you sure its wise to watch him without knowing?" the nurse asked.  
  
"Being sure isn't the question Poppy," Dumbledore said. "Its the actions we take which matter, now if you excuse me, I must speak with Remus."  
  
Pomfrey nodded, and went back to bed as the headmaster searched for his defence against the dark arts professor.  
  
AN:  
  
Please review!  
  
I thrive on reviews! 


	7. Questioning Healing

Chapter 7:  
  
Questioning Healing  
  
AN: This chapter was a horrible thing to write.  
  
I couldn't write it for the life of me!  
  
Personally I'm not happy with it...  
  
Oh yeah... HP not mine.  
  
Dumbledore found Remus sitting in his office correcting papers he had left there by mistake early the previous evening.  
  
"Hello Albus," Remus said dully when the headmaster invited himself into his office.  
  
"Hello Remus, how are you?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"I failed him Albus," Remus said getting to the question the headmaster was bound to start dancing around. "I've never thought that Harry would try to commit suicide! He's changed so much from his third year. I never heard Harry swear when he was thirteen. When he was explaining his version of events I heard more profanity out of his mouth than in my classes so far this year. It's my fault; I should have been there more for him after Sirius died. I mean you told us how he acted in your office; I should have talked to him more… I should have…"  
  
"Remus," Dumbledore said softly. "Its not your fault. It isn't anyone's fault. These things do happen. If I remember correctly, in your fifth year, a Ravenclaw student tried the same thing. After a couple months of counselling that student was able to conquer her depression."  
  
"But that Ravenclaw student truly was alone Albus!" Remus exclaimed. "All of her family was killed! As well as her godparents! She wasn't very popular and her best friend also was nursing wounds from the war! Harry has Hermione and Ron, he has the Weasleys and he has you and me! I could have done something!"  
  
The headmaster took the professor by the shoulders and shook him slightly, "Remus, listen to me. It's not your fault. We can help him beat his demons and live normally again."  
  
"He's never lived normally Albus," Remus slumped. "He was neglected as a child and has been hunted every year by Voldemort or one of his lackeys since he came to Hogwarts. How can we expect him to heal if Voldemort is stalking him?"  
  
"Harry is a strong child," Dumbledore replied. "We can help him through this. But he'll need your help. Blaming yourself for his actions will not help him."  
  
Remus took a deep breath and nodded, "What can I do."  
  
"Pretend that you believe him," the headmaster said seriously.  
  
"WHAT?!" Remus demanded.  
  
"Pretend that you believe his story," Dumbledore said. "I doubt his story, but there is the chance that it is the truth. I have been known to be wrong before. We'll keep tabs on him of course, but we'll pretend that we believe him."  
  
"What good will this do?" Remus asked.  
  
"It will give Harry a chance to tell us the truth if he is lying as we suspect he is, or it will give us a chance to confirm his story," Dumbledore said. "Also it will allow us to observe him."  
  
"Observe him?" Remus asked. "You make it sound as if he's a specimen in Care of Magical Creatures! He's a teenage boy!"  
  
"Yes, I do realize how cold it sounds," Dumbledore sighed. "But we haven't seen how he has been acting when he hasn't been unconscious for the past three months. There is no way we'd be able to properly help him if we don't know how he is truly acting."  
  
"I understand," Remus said nodding. "But still it feels as if we're sticking him in a zoo."  
  
"He won't know we'll be watching him," Dumbledore assured the man.  
  
"That's what they say about the animals in the zoo," Remus said darkly.  
  
The next morning Ron and Hermione woke up before Harry in their private room placed in the Hospital Wing.  
  
"What should we say to the idiot when he wakes up?" Ron asked Hermione.  
  
"For one, not call him an idiot, git, or any of your other creative names for him," Hermione replied dryly.  
  
"Okay, what do we say to our friend who tried to kill himself?" Ron asked smartly.  
  
"I don't know," Hermione said softly. "I guess we should let him start talking."  
  
"Well that's bloody well great," Ron grumbled. "We'll be sitting in silence for hours then."  
  
"We could study during that time," Hermione suggested picking up on of her school books.  
  
"Or we could play chess," Ron said.  
  
"But we have to study, we haven't been in any classes since school began!" Hermione replied.  
  
"That didn't stop them from giving us homework," Ron said a bit sourly.  
  
"I'll study, I might play you later on," Hermione said opening one of her books.  
  
"You are really predictable you know that?" Ron muttered resigned to doing his own homework having no exploding snap cards, which Madam Pomfrey had deemed too noisy for a hospital wing, to build a card castle.  
  
About an hour after they had started studying Harry woke up, but didn't tell Ron or Hermione figuring that if they wanted to talk, they could start. Silence reigned, Ron and Hermione not knowing Harry was awake and Harry not willing to talk to them. But Silence was soon dethroned by Madam Pomfrey coming bustling in to check on Harry.  
  
"How do you feel dear?" she asked him. "Being possessed isn't a thing easily gotten over."  
  
Ron and Hermione stared at him bewilderingly.  
  
AN: Two things...  
  
One: I am in desperate need of a Beta, I don't really have a true one for any of the fics I write. This is the only story I'm asking for a Beta though... the other ones I'll just keep doing what I already am.  
  
Two: Please review I need reviews. 


	8. Angry Rants

Angry Rants:  
  
Hey all!  
  
Sorry the update took so long, TEOTD is being a brat.  
  
I've had this done for a while now...  
  
I don't own HP.  
  
You can read the story now:  
  
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To say Hermione and Ron waited patiently while Madam Pomfrey examined their best friend would be a lie, however they did wait, due to a threat of violence against them made by the adult. As soon as the nurse left the room Ron and Hermione hurried to Harry's bedside and demanded an explanation.  
  
"What the bloody hell possessed you?" were Ron's precise words.  
  
"Voldemort," Harry said darkly. "He's the only bastard who wants to kill me."  
  
"But how? He wasn't near here! He couldn't be, Dumbledore would never let him," Ron said slightly panicked.  
  
"Through my bloody scar how else?" Harry spat. "The fucking bastard thought it would be FUN to make me take my own damned life."  
  
"Are you alright?" Hermione asked uncertainly.  
  
"Would YOU be alright after nearly being killed and having people think you tried to kill yourself?" Harry demanded venting anger towards his friends.  
  
"Sorry," Hermione said casting her eyes downwards. "Stupid question."  
  
"You can say that again," Harry snapped. "Damn it… Malfoy must be having a bleeding field day."  
  
"He doesn't know," Ron said.  
  
"None of the students know," Hermione elaborated. "Only some of the teachers do."  
  
"Which teachers?" Harry demanded looking at his friends sharply.  
  
"Dumbledore, McGollangal, Flitwick, Sprout, and…" Ron trailed off.  
  
"And who?" Harry asked.  
  
"Snape," Hermione said.  
  
"SNAPE knows???" Harry demanded.  
  
"He was the one that found you," Hermione said softly.  
  
"SNAPE was the one who found me?" Harry moaned. "He'll taunt me about this until I get out of school. HELL! Forget school! He'll haunt me until I die because that bastard would become a ghost just to see me suffer!"  
  
"But you didn't do it! You-Know-Who did. He can't say anything to you without making Dumbledore really ticked off!" Ron protested.  
  
"Besides, it would be really, really cruel to taunt you about it, especially since you didn't want to try… to…" Hermione trailed off.  
  
"Kill myself. As if I'd escape Voldemort all those times just to take my own miserable life. Idiots," Harry muttered.  
  
Silence reigned for a few minutes while Hermione fiddled with her thumbs, Ron fidgeted, and Harry tried to calm down. Finally Harry saying, "I must not have been unconscious for long if the school doesn't know yet", broke the silence.  
  
"Um actually, you've been in a coma for a while," Hermione said.  
  
"How long?" Harry asked.  
  
"Around two weeks," Ron supplied.  
  
"TWO WEEKS?" Harry shouted. Madam Pomfrey heard this exclamation and promised to sedate Harry if he didn't calm down from the other room. He whispered furiously, "Two weeks? I've been out two weeks?"  
  
Hermione nodded while Ron said, "We've been with you since the day they told us, and the students haven't seen hide nor hair of us since then. Remus says there are a million rumours flying around, but none of them are close to the truth."  
  
"You guys haven't even gone to classes?" Harry asked his question directed at Hermione.  
  
"Of course not!" she replied indignantly. "Our best friend was unconscious no one knew when he was going to wake up and we weren't going to let him wake up to only Madam Pomfrey's nagging!"  
  
"Its not like the teachers let us slack off though," Ron put in bitterly. "We still had to do homework and Remus was tutoring us. I swear I think Snape was trying to torture us with some of those essays he had us do."  
  
"Lupin doesn't believe me. The damned werewolf doesn't believe me!" Harry said softly. "Was he happy that I supposedly tried to kill myself? Because he seemed convinced that I did. You would think that he would want to believe any alternative."  
  
"Oh no Harry!" Hermione exclaimed. "Nothing like that! He was a wreck the entire time. You have to understand this has been hard on all of us. Maybe he just was thinking that if he let hope rise he'd get hurt again."  
  
"You should have heard him that first night," Ron put in. "He kept saying how he couldn't believe he had failed someone else."  
  
"He still doesn't believe me!" Harry spat. "And what about Dumbledore? HE doesn't believe me either! The bleeding headmaster thinks that I tried to kill myself! He knows what he fucking told me last year! Right after fucking Lestrange killed Sirius! Right after Bastard-mort tried to kill me again! AND HE THINKS that I would do something like this? Doesn't the ruddy idiot know me after five bleeding years here?"  
  
Ron and Hermione stayed quiet not meeting Harry's eyes after his rant. Silence took over the room once again until Harry and Ron got into a strained conversation about Quidditch. After lunch Madam Pomfrey came in and told the students that Harry needed to sleep some more, and gave him a potion. As soon as Harry was asleep, Hermione and Ron started up a conversation concerning their unconscious friend.  
  
"He's different," Hermione said softly. "I've never heard him swear so much before."  
  
"Even Fred and George don't have that foul of mouths!" Ron agreed. "And even if they tried to match Harry's display mum would break cauldrons over their heads."  
  
"Do you believe his story?" Hermione asked, her eyes pleading for the truth.  
  
"Yes!" Ron exclaimed. "Why else would he be so ticked off?"  
  
"I don't know," Hermione said slowly. "He seemed to go on and on about people not trusting his story. If it were me I'd focus mainly on thinking of ways to get back at Voldemort."  
  
Ron cringed and hissed, "Don't say his name!"  
  
"Honestly Ron! Harry and I say why can't you?" Hermione snapped.  
  
"You didn't grow up fearing his name," Ron replied.  
  
Madam Pomfrey walked into the room and gave them reproving glares which sent them back into the silence that seemed to enjoy that room.  
  
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AN: PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW!!! 


	9. Challenging Choices

Challenging Choices  
  
AN: HI! I will no longer be updating this fic with TEOTD.  
  
TEOTD is currently being tortured until I can get somewhere with it.  
  
Sorry for this chapter being so short, but hey, I only waited what? a week before updating again.  
  
I don't own HP.  
  
*UNBETA-ED*  
  
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Harry woke up to see the grinning face of the Headmaster, with that annoying twinkle in his eyes, floating above his head and saying, "Ah, Harry, I see that you are awake. Would you care for a lemon drop?"  
  
"No," Harry said shortly before turning his head away from the headmaster and facing towards the wall.  
  
"Ah, I see you're angry with me," Dumbledore said sagely.  
  
"No fuck," Harry replied scathingly still not facing his professor.  
  
"Mr. Potter, I understand you are upset but you will refrain from using that language," Dumbledore said sharply. He then lightened up and said, "At least refrain from that language around those who have the power to give you detention."  
  
"Sure, act like you believe me," Harry said darkly looking at Dumbledore sharply. "Try to pump information from the poor suicidal person. Then tie them up in some room and don't let them go until they are cured. Too fucking bad you don't believe me. Because it's the bloody truth!"  
  
"Five points from Gryffindor Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said sadly. "I told you to refrain from vulgarities. And contrary to what I stated last night, well early this morning, I now believe your story. I am sorry for not believing it before."  
  
"Oh you do," Harry said sarcastically. "Then why did you seem to be convinced of that so called magic that protects me from possession? Or ask me straight out why I tried to ruddy kill myself?"  
  
"What you said yesterday rang somewhat of truth, I believe you said, 'a bleeding shield against it.' I spent the night looking up different shields and I believe I found one that could have worked, however I need more information. Alas this means visiting Grimwald place as that has where all of the order's resources have been accumulated. But, I digress," Dumbledore said. "The fact is I do believe you."  
  
Harry eyed Dumbledore suspiciously, "You believe me."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I don't believe you," Harry said.   
  
"I understand it is hard to accept my apology but I offer it again, I apologize for disbelieving you when you were telling the truth," the headmaster apologized.  
  
"Where are Hermione and Ron?" Harry asked ignoring the old man's apology.  
  
"They are over by their cots, I asked them to allow me to speak to you alone and so I put a silencing dome around us," Dumbledore explained. "What about my apology?"  
  
"I can't accept it, not now," Harry replied.  
  
"I understand," Dumbledore bowed his head. "Will you listen to Remus?"  
  
"What does he want?" Harry asked sharply.  
  
"To speak with you," Dumbledore said.  
  
"That's stating the obvious," Harry scowled.  
  
"Will you listen?" the old wizard asked.  
  
"Do I have a choice?" Harry spat.  
  
"We all have choices my boy," Dumbledore said. "Its what we choose that makes us who we are."  
  
"Really?" Harry asked bitterly. "I seem to be the Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived. I didn't choose that. I didn't choose to be Voldemort's fucking downfall. If I recall, any of those choices were ripped from me by that bloody prophecy that old bat Trelawney made."  
  
"But the Boy-Who-Lived is not who you are," Dumbledore said getting out of his seat. "You are Harry Potter, a sixteen year old boy who has been dealt a bad hand by life."  
  
Harry said nothing as Dumbledore left the room and his best friends came towards his bed.  
  
AN:  
  
Please review! 


	10. Argueing Fate

Argueing Fate  
  
AN: Sorry for the wait.  
  
I tried to follow some of your suggestions.  
  
but the just didn't work...  
  
NOT that they weren't good suggestions, its just that I can't put them in right now...  
  
maybe later.  
  
I dont' own HP and all that stuff.  
  
Here's the story now...  
  
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"What was that all about mate?" Ron asked as soon as he reached Harry's bed.  
  
"Dumbledore apologized," Harry said shortly. "Said he believed me now. Like I believe that. Dumbledore NEVER admits he's wrong."  
  
"I'm sure he must have meant it Harry," Hermione said. "He wouldn't have said it otherwise."  
  
"Well he kept the bleeding reason Voldemort is after me to himself for five years. He claimed that it was my mother's love which kept me from dieing with her, but no~o~o~o… It was actually because of some damned prophecy," Harry spat. "I consider that a lie."  
  
"What prophecy?" Ron asked.  
  
"So Dumbledore didn't tell you while you traipsing around Sirius's house. Amazing! I expected him to tell you. After all, I can't have one aspect of my life that is not fucking published. I thought at the least the order to by know," Harry said bitterly.  
  
"You're not being fair Harry," Hermione said. "I'm sure Professor Dumbledore is only doing what he believes is best."  
  
"Dumbledore is human," Harry said. "He is not infallible simply because he is the bleeding headmaster of the school."  
  
"I didn't think he was. I think he was simply doing the best for you because he cares about you," Hermione said sharply finally having enough of Harry's tongue. "And I'd appreciated it if you would stop swearing. Your mouth has been worse than Ron's since you woke up! And we all know that I'm snapping at him at least once a day for some slip of the tongue. Professor Dumbledore was worried about you too! He was down here at least once a day to check up on you to see how you were doing."  
  
"Of course he was fucking checking up on me," Harry said angrily. "I'm his bleeding weapon! I'm the thing that is supposed to kill Voldemort or let the whole effing world sink into darkness. Damn it why does it have to be me? Why do I always get the weight of the bleeding world on my shoulders? Why do I have to be the fucking order's weapon? I'll tell you why, 'cause that bitch Trelawney made a fucking prediction!"  
  
"You don't HAVE to keep fighting Voldemort you know! You're the one who always runs after him for some reason or another! Why can't you just concentrate on your studies instead of putting the weight of the world on your own shoulders! The way I see it you are the one that takes up that weight and that old bat has nothing to do with it because she is not a seer!" Hermione exclaimed.  
  
"I can't believe it! The great all-knowing Hermione Granger is wrong!" Harry sneered. "Trelawney is what the books call a trance seer. They don't see many things in their lives but they are never wrong. They also never remember what they see and if no one is around to hear the prophecy it is lost. Trelawney made that damned prophecy when she was in a trance. And Trance Seers are never fucking wrong!"  
  
"How do you know?" Hermione challenged.  
  
"I read the book 'Prophecies and Fulfillments' over the summer after hearing the damned thing," Harry said coldly. "It has a useful section about seers. I assume you haven't read it."  
  
"Why would I read something so full of lies?" Hermione demanded.  
  
"Because one of those lies made me The-Fucking-Boy-Who-Lived," Harry said turning away from her and facing the wall.  
  
"Hmph!" Hermione stalked to her cot across the room and started to read Hogwarts a History again.  
  
Ron just looked between his two friends not knowing what to do.  
  
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AN: Okay, here's the deal  
  
hopefully I'll update within a week.  
  
yeah... note HOPEFULLY  
  
And PLEASE OH PLEASE review....  
  
I like reviews... 


	11. Thoughts of the Conspiring

Thoughts of the Conspiring  
  
AN: Hey all! I promised an update soon!  
  
Is this soon enough for you?  
  
Responses to reviews at the end of the chapter, which is rather short, 535 words.  
  
Sorry to get your hopes up, but I wanted to respond to all of your lovely reviews.  
  
I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Legalities done, you can read now.  
  
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Harry POV  
  
Hermione is right. I've been swearing too damned much. Well I've been swearing too much aloud. I've never sworn aloud before. Got thrown in the damned cupboard for a week for every cuss word that passed my lips. Merlin knows that I haven't tried to fucking swear aloud since Vernon didn't feed me for that week after I called him a bastard when I was ten. Well he fucking was a bastard! He was fucking hitting me because his precious Duddy-kins finally got caught punching some kid. Said I did something 'freaky' to his son. Too bad it was his own fucking genes that made his son look and act like an animal.  
  
I have to tone down my swearing in any case. They'll be asking me what the hell is the matter every five minutes if I keep doing that, and that won't do if I'm trying to convince them I'm fucking okay.  
  
Of course, Hermione is too damned perceptive. Must be from being a know-it-all outcast for the majority of her life. Nothing for her to do but watch people and read. I have to distance myself from her. That fight certainly helped. Now if I can maintain a level of annoyance. Shouldn't be too ruddy difficult.  
  
I suppose I have to be more respectful to the bloody authority figures again. Damn it. I was finally telling them exactly what the hell I was thinking of them and it released some of my anger. All well, I'd rather be an angry psychotic person than a damned locked up one.  
  
Damn it all to hell! That means I probably have to listen to Lupin! At least he had the decency to leave when I was trying to drive him off. And Merlin knows I need to get rid of 'familiar ties.' Dear old Bastamort would go after them. Just like he fucking used Sirius against me. I can't believe I've killed so many fucking people and I'm not even of-bloody-age yet! Mum, Dad, Sirius... Cedric... damn... I killed Quirrel too! It was my damned touch that kept him from cursing me but it also burned him. He bleeding disintegrated because of my damned hands!  
  
Oh let us not forget all the people I've nearly killed! Ron, Hermione, Luna, Ginny, Neville, not to mention about half of the damned Order.  
  
Damn... I almost got Neville killed. He's the one that can get us out of this mess. Not me. Not me. It can't be me who is in the prophecy. All I do is get people killed. Neville, he's ruddy good at Herbology and everyone knows that to be good in Herbology you need to make things LIVE, not die. I'm horrible in Herbology. How am I supposed to save the damned world if all I do is kill things? Its definitely Neville who will win the war for the light side.  
  
Maybe Neville will finally get past his insecurities. He'll be able to kill Dear Old Voldie then. Yes. Neville will get past his insecurities and save people by saving lives and I'll save people in my own way as soon as I can convince the damned authority figures that I'm 'alright.'  
  
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AN:   
  
Here are the responses to your lovely reviews (can you tell I love reviews? I keep calling them 'lovely'):  
  
Harry Fan: I don't know if I'll put any romance in it. I'm not too good at writing romance, but it seems to seep into my stories anyway. BTW... H/H Rocks! But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to write it into the fic.   
  
Serpent of Light: Well Hermione's already worried about the validy of Harry's story and Harry acting so radically different now that he's awake, something had to come out... And as for Harry having a dirty mouth, pent up emotions could be a cause... :) His mouth won't totally disappear after this chapter though.  
  
athenakitty: I hoped that when you previously reviewed this story the question thing was just a hyper stunt... I've pulled enough of them... All well, at least you reviewed! Yeah... Harry's a tad surprized about Dumbledore's appologizing, and mad isn't quite what Harry is dealing with... but it certainly seems to be coming out that way isn't it?  
  
Padawan Jan-AQ: I've updated in a week! SEE???? *points proudly to the date*  
  
Pip3: Stupid? You really think so? Well... I guess her reaction could be classified as stupid... but is Hermione all that stupid??? Just some food for thought.  
  
Agnei Smith: I'm glad you like my story!   
  
katedidnt: No you may not wash Harry's mouth out with some really strong soap. He might need his mouth in the future... But I agree... Harry does seem to be in need of some soap for his mouth...   
  
Next chapter should be up soon... I'd say around a week.  
  
Please REVIEW!!! 


	12. Lessons Learned and Lies Laid

Lessons Learned and Lies Laid  
  
AN:  
  
Bwhahahaha!  
  
Another chapter up!  
  
Hope you like it!  
  
Oh yeah... I no own HP.  
  
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Remus Lupin walked into the infirmary with a load of books slung over his back like Santa Clause to see Hermione leaning against the furthest wall from Harry reading, Harry turned away from his friends looking at the photo album of his parents, and Ron sitting alone in the middle of the room threatening to hex Cassandra the Clairvoyant if she moved into another card again while he was playing memory match with his chocolate frog cards.  
  
"What's going on?" the werewolf asked putting down his load.  
  
"Harry and Hermione had an argument," Ron said looking up from his cards. "They refuse to speak now. Even to me and I wasn't in it. So here I am trying to convince Cassandra the Cuckoo that memory match is for the memory and not to develop psychic abilities."  
  
"What did they fight about?" Remus asked a bit apprehensive if the fight caused Harry and Hermione (who were not prone to having arguments with each other, as much as Ron and Hermione were) to stop speaking to each other.  
  
"Prophecies and Hero-complexes. You know how Hermione is with Divination and she threw in the fact that Harry seems to look for trouble, and it just blew up. I'm surprised Madam Pomfrey didn't come barging in yelling at Hermione for disrupting Harry's rest," Ron said flipping over two more cards and saw Cassandra sticking her tongue out at him and Merlin chuckling amusedly beside her while the other card was blank.  
  
"Damn," Remus swore softly under his breath and winced at the topic of argument. He quickly gathered himself together and said to Ron, "Well they can stop sulking now. They need to learn what everyone else learned while you played Memory Match and slept in."  
  
Hermione's head popped up at the mention of learning, as Remus conjured a table in the middle of the room and three chairs. He placed his load down on the table while Ron and Hermione collected their quills and things, with Ron grumbling all the time.  
  
Noticing Harry hadn't moved from his spot, Remus said, "You have to come and get tutored as well. You are further behind than these two."  
  
"Of course I'm further behind than the know-it-all. Everyone is behind her compulsive learning curve, even some of the seventh years are!" Harry spat sitting up and facing the professor. "And as for being behind Ron, I've been unconscious for the past two da…rned weeks! That would entitle me to be behind."  
  
"That was uncalled for Harry," Remus said sharply. "Apologize to Hermione."  
  
"Why should I?" Harry demanded. "Its true. Some of the seventh years are tutored by her in Athrimancy and Ancient Runes."  
  
"Harry…" Remus started.  
  
"Its okay Professor," Hermione said calmly. "Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and if that is what Harry's opinion is then so be it."  
  
Remus sighed and said, "You have to catch up either way. Come on, we'll do Defense first."  
  
Harry muttered something under his breath, and walked over to the table sitting on Ron's left, Hermione being on Ron's right. Remus looked at the three Gryffindors and said, "Okay, the sixth years in the NEWT preparatory classes are basically divided into divided into two ranks. DA members, who are consequently more advanced, and the lucky people who managed to learn something from that old ministry cow. The DA members are currently working on active duels but Madam Pomfrey would have our heads if we tried that in here, so you guys are lucky, you just get to look up dueling techniques and famous duels and write me three feet about it. Then when you come back to class, you show off your dueling skills to the class with the students who are trying to catch up to the DA."  
  
"That all?" Ron asked.  
  
"Yup, I'm not nearly as cruel as Snape," Remus grinned. For the next two hours Remus summed up the theory lesson in all of their classes, and finally they were done.  
  
"Harry can I speak with you?" Remus asked quietly.  
  
"Why not," Harry sighed.  
  
"Harry, look me in the eye and tell me you did not try to kill yourself," Remus said not raising his voice a decibel.  
  
Harry looked at him, took a deep breath and said, "I did not try to kill myself."  
  
Remus stared at him for a second and finally nodded. "Harry, I'm so sorry I thought you tried. I had spent the last two weeks trying to come to terms with you trying to kill yourself. And when you said you didn't, I… I couldn't believe it. I had spent two weeks trying to figure out why you would do something like that and I couldn't come up with one answer. And here you are saying you didn't. Even when the evidence was… still is on your wrists. And I… I just couldn't believe when I spent two weeks… two weeks… trying to convince myself otherwise. I am so sorry. I know I keep harping on about the two weeks thing but Poppy said once someone didn't wake up after the first three weeks they weren't likely to wake. And… and… you were in a coma for two and I was trying so hard to keep up hope and… I am so sorry."  
  
Harry stared at the man for a few minutes as he held his head in his hands. "I'm sorry for scaring you Professor."  
  
"From what you say," Remus said looking up. "It isn't yours to be sorry for. Well… You need to get your assignments for the last two weeks so sit down and allow the torture to continue."  
  
"Thanks professor," Harry sighed sitting back down.  
  
AN:  
  
PLEASE REVIEW 


	13. News of Truth and Lies

News of Truth and Lies  
  
AN:  
  
Hi all.  
  
Another chapter has come!  
  
And you all know.   
  
I  
  
DO  
  
NOT  
  
OWN  
  
HP  
  
!  
  
Glad we got that done with.  
  
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"I hope you've been keeping up with your class work," Dumbledore said coming into the hospital private suite the evening after Harry and Hermione fought. "You're all going back to classes next week."  
  
"Does that mean I'm out of here?" Harry asked looking up from his transfiguration book, he really didn't want to study but decided since he was supposed to be normal he had better do his work with some sort of effort.  
  
"Madam Pomfrey is releasing you on Saturday, by then she trusts you'd have gained enough strength to leave. I dare say Miss Weasley isn't going to be too happy with you," Dumbledore said his blue eyes twinkling. "She has had to form an entirely new Quidditch team by herself since your beaters from last year had resigned pending the tryouts. And in case you are wondering, one of them made beater again."  
  
Ron cringed, "Oh bugger!"  
  
"Ron!" Hermione snapped.  
  
"What?" Ron asked. "I have a right to say that! You don't what my sister is like when she's angry!"  
  
"Am I still on the team professor?" Harry asked ignoring Ron's misgivings.  
  
"Yes, both you and Mr. Weasley are still on the team," Dumbledore said. "Miss Weasley made it clear that the keeper and seeker which she chose were only reserves."  
  
"Is there a practice on Saturday?" Ron asked excitedly.  
  
"I believe so…" the headmaster mused quietly rubbing his beard.  
  
"Excellent!" Ron said his eyes gleaming. "Hey Harry, let's go directly to the pitch on Saturday. Ginny might be so shocked when she sees us she won't try to kill me or do an imitation of a Howler!"  
  
"Oh my god!" Hermione exclaimed jumping up from her seat where she was doing her N.E.W.T. Potions essay. "Does Mrs. Weasley know where we are? I didn't think to owl her!"  
  
Ron audibly gulped and his eyes shown with fear.  
  
"I believe you can relax Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore smiled seeing the boy's reaction. "I told her that you, Miss. Granger and Harry went away for a confidential reason."  
  
Ron let out a huge sigh and exclaimed, "Thank Merlin!"  
  
"So Mrs. Weasley doesn't know what happened?" Harry demanded urgently silently dreading the reaction the redheaded witch would have had. Pity, something he didn't need nor want.  
  
"No, I did not think it wise to have Molly come in here fretting over you," Dumbledore replied. "She is highly protective of you."  
  
"Good," Harry said looking back down at his Transfiguration book.  
  
"For now I bid you farewell. I fear I am required at one of the more dull aspects of being headmaster, teachers' meetings," Dumbledore said leaving the room. He sighed as he walked down the hall, his plans, as always, weighing heavily on his shoulders. He was bout to lie to the majority of his staff and back up that lie with nothing but their trust that he was telling the truth. He arrived to the meeting sooner than he expected although the rest of the staff was already there, chatting amongst themselves about the promising first years and some of the wild seventh years high with nearly being free at last.  
  
"All right, everyone present? Good!" Dumbledore said jovially clapping his hands together. He had gotten far too good at acting like a happy-go-lucky-geezer. "Lets get the mundane topics out of the way. Who is failing what and why?"  
  
"As usual Headmaster," Snape started. "Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle are failing everything bar Divination. And as usual I believe their grades will improve as soon as Draco Malfoy gets ordered by his father to help them with their schoolwork. Also my entire second year has failed their first History of Magic test of the year. I believe Peeves has something to do with it as all of the papers were marked with 'Fuck' instead of the usual 'F.'"  
  
"Ah, yes," Dumbledore said his eyes twinkling. "That does sound like the work of our dear poltergeist. I shall talk to him and have the tests graded again. Anybody else?"  
  
The rest of the teachers had similar reports and finally the meeting was nearly over. Dumbledore stood and said, "Before I can allow you all to leave I'm afraid I have a bit of sobering news to relay concerning our three AWOL Gryffindors. And yes, I finally will answer with something more than, 'Hmm, they do seem to be missing don't they. Where do you think they went?' Around two weeks ago the dark lord Voldemort made it appear as if Harry Potter had tried to kill himself. Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger have been with Harry waiting for him to recover, indeed refusing to leave his side. Harry finally woke up and Madam Pomfrey believes he will be strong enough to be released this Saturday. I ask you all to keep this information to yourselves, as I am sure you remember all of the press attention he received last year and this would certainly cause many Quick Quill Quotes to explode from excitement. Also the students might panic seeing how closely Voldemort can affect them. Although I would also ask of you to keep a discrete eye on Harry incase something similar happens again. I have also asked this of the ghosts. Thank you. You may go about the rest of the night as you wish."  
  
The Potions master came up to the headmaster as soon as the rest of the staff had left the room, Hagrid, crying heavily, convinced out of the room by a promise of some fire-whiskey by Remus and the heads of the remaining three houses discussing something going off together, "Albus. We need to talk."  
  
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AN: PLEASE OH PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW!!! 


	14. Selfish Concerns

Selfish Concerns  
  
AN:  
  
Bwhahahaha...  
  
I have a secret...  
  
and I'm not telling...  
  
But there is no secret when it comes to the ownership of HP. JK Rowling owns HP and company.   
  
you can read the chapter now that I've bothered you once again.  
  
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"I suppose you would prefer to speak to me privately?" the headmaster said walking out of the door.  
  
"I take it that YOU would like to speak in privacy," Snape said following the old man.  
  
"ME? Why of course not! I am willing to speak openly about several things, including the fact that for my last birthday a woman from Paris France sent me a most peculiar present," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling mischievously.  
  
"I don't want to know, I'm sure," Snape said. "However open you are, this particular conversation would be best conversed in private quarters out of the way of any students or their Extendable Ears."  
  
"I must admit, I suspected as much," Dumbledore replied. "Which is why I have been walking towards my office, as we are now in front of it. Umbridge is a cow."  
  
The gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office jumped aside and let the professors into the chambers within while nodding its head in agreement, having been threatened by the woman the previous year and ending up biting her.  
  
"Headmaster, why did you insist on using that as a password?" the potions master demanded.  
  
"I asked the owners of Weasley Wizard Wheezes for password suggestions and this was the only one that did not include you, Slytherins, and/or a fair bit of profanity."  
  
"Bloody Gryffindors," Snape muttered under his breath as both men sat down on opposite sides of the headmaster's desk.  
  
"I wouldn't say that if I were you Severus," Dumbledore said grinning leaning against his desk amusedly. "The sorting hat confided to me that it nearly put Messers Fred and George Weasley into the Slytherin house. You have to admit, my friend, that their ambition is great to have started a company before they left school, indeed when they were sixth years."  
  
"We are not here to discuss the Weasley twins," Snape said sourly crossing his arms. "We are here to discuss your brilliance in believing Potter's story! If I recall correctly I was the one who found him in that bloody bathroom. If you saw his face on that floor you wouldn't believe him for a second. HE LOOKED HAPPY!"  
  
"Well that is a surprise," Dumbledore said softly. "Could it be that you are concerned for the safety of Harry Potter? James Potter's son?"  
  
"No. I'm worried about my own sorry ass," Snape said bluntly. "He's the only one who can defeat the bloody dark lord and I do not want to be left in a dark world being a former spy."  
  
"So your concern is purely selfish?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Or course it is!" Snape exclaimed.  
  
"Then you wouldn't mind to continue tutoring the boy in Occulemency," Dumbledore smiled.  
  
"Please tell me this is one of your failed attempts at humor Headmaster," Snape said in, which sounded like a vocal sneer to most, a pleading voice.  
  
"I'm afraid it is not Severus," Dumbledore said. "Harry cannot as of yet block his mind from attacks, as was so aptly shown at the end of the last school year when he was lured to the ministry."  
  
"Albus, surely you would be a more able tutor for him. In case you've forgotten he's an inconsiderate brat who believes another's Pensieve is his washing basin!" Snape said furiously.  
  
"That was an unfortunate occurrence that I am sure will not occur again," Dumbledore said. "And as for me, I believe that he would think I was prying if I were to teach him and alas that would challenge me most greatly. Now if you excuse me, I must go and visit the sandman."  
  
Dumbledore walked through a door to his private quarters and heard Severus swear profusely when he realized his original question was not answered. Dumbledore sighed, it was best that way.  
  
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AN:  
  
Hi all! More Snape in chapters to come... and nope... he's not going to become much nicer... I'm trying to keep him in character.  
  
Please review! I need views on my fic! 


	15. Lost Opportunities

Lost Opportunities  
  
AN:  
  
Someone said that the chapters were too short to enjoy a while back...  
  
this one is rather long (compared to the other chapters anyway).  
  
Although I have to warn you. Long chapters for this fic isn't likely.  
  
I'm not good at writing prolongued angst yet.  
  
I don't know how some people do it!  
  
Anyway I don't own Harry Potter, but you knew that already didn't you?  
  
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"Ronald Weasley! How could you do that to me? I wrote to mum in hysterics! You disappeared after a day of acting like a zombie! For all I knew You-Know-Who put the Imperious Curse on you and forced you to walk to your death! And I couldn't go to Harry or Hermione to find out where you might have gone because they were gone too! You had to drag them along on your adventure, that I'm sure was your idea because Harry and Hermione usually have a reason for flying off and since you disappeared on the first day of classes there was no possible reason for your disappearance! And do you know that when I finally got a letter back from mum she said 'Don't worry, your brother is safe.' WELL LET ME ASSURE YOU! You are not safe NOW! I should give Laurence your position permanently because once I'm done with you, you will be in the hospital wing for a month!" Ginny Weasley yelled at her brother in front of the Quidditch team, Madam Hooch (who was to supervise every Quidditch practice do to increased Death Eater activity), and Hermione who had decided to rejoin the school's population in the company of her two best friends. She and Harry had come to a polite truce, somewhat essential on Harry's part if he wanted to catch up with his homework and appear normal.  
  
Ron cringed realizing that a crowd of people would not make his sister hold in her anger, "Come on Ginny. You couldn't have been that worried! You're just mad because you had to put the Quidditch team together by yourself."  
  
Hermione sighed and shook her head knowing that was the wrong thing to say to the worked up redhead.  
  
"Of course I was worried you git! My big brother has an annoying tendency to disappear sometime during the school year just to come back with either him or one of his two best friends seriously injured!" Ginny exclaimed waving her broom for emphasis.  
  
"Its not like that…" Ron said miserably.  
  
"NOT LIKE THAT?" Ginny asked dangerously. "Shall we name all of the times one of your trio was hurt??? Norbert, Giant Chess Set, You-Know-Who, Basilisk, Riddle, a Grim-like dog, dementors, THE LAKE, Umbridge, Slytherins, ministry, BRAINS, Deatheaters, You-Know-Who AGAIN!!!"  
  
"Okay, okay," Ron said holding out his hands in defeat. "I get your point. The entire Quidditch team gets your point. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if half the school didn't get your point you were making it so loudly!"  
  
Madam Hooch, who was sitting next to Hermione on the stands, finally decided to intervene by stating calmly, "While I may be on the pitch for the entire day, you only have an hour and a half left before Ravenclaw's team has claim on the pitch. Don't you think you should be practicing? Especially since you still have to train your new chasers?"  
  
"That's right," said a fifth year girl Harry didn't know. "You can yell at your brother later. And when you're done, we'll yell at him for making us put up with your worrying for the past couple of weeks."  
  
"That's right, and besides, isn't Harry supposed to be our captain?" piped up a small second year boy.  
  
"Yeah, and your replacement," replied the girl who was trying to persuade Ginny.  
  
"Oh fine," Ginny huffed. "I'd rather embarrass the git in the middle of the Great Hall anyway."  
  
"All right folks, up in the air," Harry announced before Ginny and Ron could get going at each other again. It had been a long time since he was able to feel the freedom of soaring through the air and he was anxious to feel the rush of going after the snitch again. Figuring that directing a Quidditch match couldn't be much different from teaching the students in Dumbledore's Army he said, "I want to see what you can do. So Ginny, split them up equally please. I don't know them."  
  
"Right-o captain!" Ginny said saluting and turned to the team.  
  
"She spent a lot of time with Tonks this summer," Ron explained apologetically. "They kept giggling about something or other."  
  
They all kicked off and started to play a four-on-four game, Ginny had picked an extra chaser in case she was needed as seeker since the substitute seeker was prone to illness.   
  
Harry rose high above the team and watched them play from that perspective. At first he wasn't paying too close attention to what they were doing, he was too caught up in feeling the wind blow by his face and the feeling of utter freedom he had in the air. He felt peaceful. He shook himself from his reverie and reminded himself he had to act normal, and being normal meant he had to watch the team and make suggestions. He watched the chasers for a couple of minutes, there was a boy that was nearly as good as Ginny with dark hair. It hit him that his father was a Chaser and enjoyed flying. Hadn't McGollangal said that his father was a great flyer? And Harry had cost his father his life. Which meant he couldn't enjoy flying anymore.   
  
Harry gulped uncomfortably and forced himself to watch the small boy who was to be the reserve seeker. He flew boldly for a second year, much like his willingness to speak out to those older than him and with more seniority on the team. He would make a good seeker. In fact he reminded Harry of someone he had seen playing. Then it hit him. He was like Cedric. Another person who couldn't enjoy flying anymore.  
  
'Shit,' Harry thought bitterly as he decided to work on different seeker moves. 'So much for a release in flying. Too many people can't enjoy flying anymore because of me. I can't enjoy it when I took it away from them.'  
  
Harry started praying for the Ravenclaws to come so he could get out of the air without seeming out of character. Finally there was five minutes to go in the practice but the second year had yet to catch the snitch so Harry was concentrating on finding it so they could hand all of the balls over to the Ravenclaw team. He spotted the snitch rather quickly ten feet from the ground at one of the goals. He dived towards the ball to catch it.  
  
'It would be easy,' he thought suddenly. 'I could crash into the ground and it would be considered an accident… but no damn it. Hooch is watching. Its not as if the snitch is only foot away from the ground, she'd see me catch the snitch and would have time to be able to slow me like Dumbledore did when the Dementors came onto the pitch. Damn damn damn.'  
  
Harry caught the snitch and signaled for his team to come down. He said the things that he would come up with a plan for the next practice from what he had learned and changed, and finally going to the Great Hall with Ron and Hermione at his side, still silently cursing that his opportunity was lost.  
  
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AN: please review! This chapter was nearly twice as long as the last! 


	16. Spreading Rumors

Spreading Rumors  
  
AN:   
  
*laughs evilly*  
  
Yay! long chapter!  
  
1,259 words accourding to my nifty word counter  
  
But that word counter is always different from ff.net's  
  
I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Wish I did. I don't.  
  
But you're here to read the fic...  
  
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The Great Hall was in an uproar; the three students who had disappeared without a trace on the first day of lessons were back without any true explanation by the teachers of where they went and why they went to wherever they went. Nor was there an explanation on their sudden reappearance into the school as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Where were you guys?" Seamus demanded when Harry, Hermione, and Ron sat down with the Gryffindors for supper.  
  
"Why do you want to know?" Ron asked piling some chicken legs onto his plate, still sore that Seamus didn't believe Harry at the beginning of the previous year.  
  
"You were missing. No one knew where you were, and usually when you go missing there is some influx of Deatheater activity," Parvatti said. "Plus the teachers were acting like they didn't even notice you were missing, and that was a dead give away that something was up."  
  
"We can't tell you," Ron said between mouthfuls of chicken.  
  
"Ha! I knew it!" Dennis Creevey said to his brother a bit down the table from where the sixth years were talking. "They were training in the Himalayas to fight Deatheaters and can't talk about their training because it is top secret and only certain people get to undertake it!"  
  
"What?" Harry asked choking on his pumpkin juice. "Training in the Himalayas?"  
  
"You weren't right! He wouldn't act like that if he knew what the hell you were talking about," Collin said to his brother. "They were at Beauxbatons training some seventh years to start their own defense club like the DA last year."  
  
This time it was Ron who started choking on his food.  
  
"I was wondering when you would finally start choking on all of that food you shoveled into your mouth," Hermione said thoughtfully as Harry helpfully slapped Ron on the back.  
  
"So I was right?" Collin asked brightly.  
  
"No," Hermione said shortly.  
  
"Well then what were you doing?" Parvati asked interested.  
  
"We weren't doing anything, we had Chicken Pox," Hermione said simply causing the Muggle-borns and Half-Bloods to gape at them stupidly.  
  
"What is that?" Neville asked.  
  
"It's a disease children usually get when they are young, around five or six. Usually only Muggle children get it because wizard children are isolated at that age. I didn't get it when I was young because I was home-schooled until I was eight, and Harry didn't get it because his aunt was paranoid and wouldn't let him or his cousin go to school whenever there was an illness breakout because she was afraid her son would get ill," Hermione said rolling her eyes and sticking to the story they decided on to explain their disappearance.  
  
"What is Chicken Pox? Do you turn into a chicken?" asked a pureblood second year.  
  
"No," replied his year-mate. "You get really itchy and red bumps all over your skin."  
  
"So you were out of classes for over two weeks and none of the students knew where you were because you were ill?" Neville asked in disbelief.  
  
"Last time Harry was in the hospital wing at least ten people tried to sneak into it, and Chicken Pox is highly contagious, not to mention uncomfortable," Hermione said. "Madam Pomfrey didn't want anyone to catch it while sneaking in to see him."  
  
"Doesn't Madam Pomfrey have a cure for it? She has a cure for most things," Parvatti said.  
  
"No," Hermione said. "Its never been a problem at Hogwarts before. Can I eat now?"  
  
"Sorry," Parvatti said having the grace to blush and aloud her dorm mate to start eating.  
  
Luna Lovegood wandered over to Ron a few minutes later and said seriously, "I'm glad you escaped the Horned Humphels, Ronald. They can be very vicious."  
  
"Um yeah…" Ron replied knowing better than to ask what Horned Humphels were. "Thanks…"  
  
"You're welcome," Luna said dreamily walking back to the Ravenclaw table.  
  
"Bonkers that one," Ron said shaking his head as soon as Luna was out of earshot and then going back to his food.  
  
"Hurry up and finish," Hermione said impatiently after finishing her soup. "We have a ton of homework to catch up on and I'd rather get it done before the weekend is over."  
  
"No, WE don't," Ron replied after swallowing a mouthful of pie. "Harry and I have a lot of homework to catch up with, you somehow got the next two weeks worth of assignment from the teachers."  
  
"Just for Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Arithimancey," Hermione said indignantly. "And it was only a week's worth."  
  
"You're not helping your case," Harry said dryly pushing the food on his plate around with his fork. "But I'm ready to go now if you are."  
  
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked worriedly looking at his plate. "You didn't eat all that much."  
  
Harry shrugged, "I couldn't eat for the past two weeks. I guess my stomach shrank."  
  
"Are you sure you aren't hungry?" Hermione pestered.  
  
"Yeah," Harry said standing up. "Lets go."  
  
"Hmph! Mph! Mumphn! Ymnmhn!" Ron protested.  
  
"English Ron," Hermione chided also standing up. "I believe it's your first language."  
  
Ron swallowed, stood up, and said, "I said, 'Hey, I'm not done yet!'"  
  
"If we waited for you to eat your fill we would be stuck in here for an hour," Hermione said dryly.  
  
"I resent that," Ron replied following his friends to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
"Its about time you three came back here! Honestly I've seen kids stay out of the tower for around two days without notice before but for two weeks? I think that's some sort of record!" the Fat Lady exclaimed when she saw them.  
  
"Boxes of Orden," Harry said flatly.  
  
"So you aren't going to tell me where you've been?" the Fat Lady asked disappointed, as she swung open to allow them into the common room.  
  
"Chicken Pox," Harry said shortly as he climbed through the portal.  
  
"CHICKEN POX?!" the Gryffindors heard the Fat Lady ask as they pulled the portrait closed.  
  
"You think she believed us?" Ron asked grinning at her reaction.  
  
"I think she's disappointed we weren't in the Himalayas or Beauxbatons," Hermione said.  
  
"Hermione, could you help me with Potions?" Harry asked. "Snape is trying to kill me with this shit and he probably wants it turned in by next Potions class."  
  
Ron snorted, "Its your fault for taking N.E.W.T. Potions."  
  
"If Harry passes it in Hogwarts he won't have to worry about another Auroring class when he graduates," Hermione said taking out her Potions book and notebook. "Unlike SOME people I know."  
  
"You know Snape only accepts people with O O.W.L.s in his N.E.W.T. class! Its not exactly my fault. Besides, I'll be read of that class when I graduate. I'm taking the T.O.A.D. Potions class aren't I? The Tiring Other Assessment Decisions tests are for that reason," Ron spat back. "Besides, I wasn't talking to you."  
  
"Guys, as appreciated the distraction would be from homework, I really should get this shit done, so please, if you must argue go the hell away," Harry said shortly.  
  
"Sorry," Hermione said sheepishly.   
  
"Are you sure homework is a good idea? It would look bad if you get done before me," Ron said reluctantly.  
  
"Then I guess you'd better get started on your homework shouldn't you?" Hermione said sweetly opening her Potions book.  
  
Ron grumbled but sat down and got out his own homework sat down with his friends for the next four hours writing essays and such.  
  
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AN: This chapter wasn't too angsty...   
  
nope...  
  
but I still would like reviews.  
  
Reviews are nice. Lets see if we can break 100!  
  
*nods* 


	17. Impossible Promises

Impossible Promises  
  
AN:  
  
I just hit 100 reviews accourding to my stat's box! YAY!  
  
But as we all know... i'm greedy... and a tad confused... i update regularly... but my other fic which could be updated anywhere from two days to two months and still get at least twice as many reviews... maybe because the chapters were longer... *shrugs*  
  
ANYWAY  
  
Behold, 1,300 some words...  
  
One of my longest chapters yet!  
  
Still incredibly short, but hey... I warned you in my bio, these chapters can't be long, otherwise I screw them up!  
  
Responses to reviews at the bottom!  
  
I don't won HP, and that's probably a good thing with all the angst fics I write...  
  
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"That's it!" Ron exclaimed throwing down his quill. "I haven't studied for this long since before the O.W.L.s! My brain can't take anymore! It's going to explode!"  
  
Harry closed his book and his eyes, "Argh… When I close my eyes I can see Potions ingredients floating around in my head. I feel like I've been writing essays for years, and we still have two Transfiguration, a Care of Magical Creatures, and a Defense Against the Dark arts essays left!"  
  
"At least you have a Transfiguration, four Potion, two Charms, and three Astronomy essays done," Hermione said cheerfully.  
  
"How can you be so damned happy right now?" Harry demanded sourly.  
  
"She has her homework done for the next two weeks," Ron said sorely.  
  
"Only a week!" Hermione protested. "And not all of it! Just some, we already went through this yesterday!"  
  
"Yes, and we all agreed you were insane," Ron replied testily.  
  
Harry walked away silently letting Ron and Hermione blow off roughly twelve hours of studying in the past 36 hours. It was enough to cause anyone to throw books around after studying for the past five hours, as they had been doing, but added to that was the three hours of studying before lunch that day, and the four hours the night before after Harry heard the Himalayan rumor for the first time. Add to that that they hadn't fought with each other since Harry woke up a few days before, it was a miracle they lasted this long. So Harry sat down in front of the fire staring into the flames where he saw Sirius's head on more than one occasion.  
  
Suddenly he became aware of a certain clumsy Gryffindor coming toward him; Neville had tripped over his own feet and face planted about two feet away from Harry.   
  
"Hey Neville," Harry said flatly continuing to stare into the hypnotic flames.  
  
"Hi Harry," Neville said sheepishly standing up again. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Trying to ignore Ron and Hermione," Harry said tilting his head toward the feuding friends.  
  
"It was unusually quite around here recently," Neville said sitting down on one of the comfortable arm chairs after a first year got off of it, allowing "The Harry Potter's" friend to sit down so she might get in Harry's good favor. "Some of the underclassmen said they couldn't concentrate on homework without shouting, so Ginny helped them by yelling at them. Then she chucked dung bombs at their heads to remind them of Fred and George. She created some enemies when she did that. Lavender transfigured all of her shampoo into honey after Ginny nailed her with a dung bomb."  
  
"Why is she so testy?" Harry asked idly reminded of Ginny's dressing down of Ron on the Quidditch Pitch earlier in the day.  
  
"She and Dean broke up a few days after you guys vanished. She was convinced something awful happened to you and you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Dean told her she was over reacting… but personally I agreed with her. She's not some pretty face; she's smart," Neville said then his eyes widened after realizing what he just said and hurriedly continued. "Did you guys really have Chicken Nox?"  
  
"Chicken POX Neville. POX. And yes we did have it," Harry replied shortly not realizing what Neville had said about Ginny.  
  
"Oh," Neville said obviously relieved Harry didn't comment on his slip up. He stayed silent for a few minutes pretending to read his Herbology before asking, "Are you going to restart the D.A.?"  
  
"What?" Harry asked shocked. "Why would I have to? Professor Lupin is a good teacher!"  
  
"I never said he wasn't," Neville protested. "Its just that I'm having a hard time keeping up in the N.E.W.T. level Defense Against the Dark Arts class."  
  
"Then why don't you just ask Hermione to tutor you like half of our year?" Harry asked.  
  
"She scares me," Neville said shivering. "She tutored me in Potions last year and she assigns more homework and flips out if you don't get it all done within two days. She was fine if it was wrong, but she got scary when you didn't complete the work."  
  
"Oh yeah… she tends to do that," Harry said.  
  
"So you aren't going to restart it?" Neville asked disappointed.  
  
"No, probably not," Harry said and added to himself that it would be too dangerous for the others in the group. Harry stared into the fire thinking. He couldn't possibly defeat Voldemort; he couldn't even keep him out of his mind. But maybe he would be able to help Neville learn Defense Against the Dark Arts, something that Harry was decent in. Maybe then Neville would be able to defeat Voldemort. And it wasn't as if he was a threat to Neville if Neville was the one from the prophecy. The only one who would be able to kill him was Voldemort, and not by possessing Harry. It would be safe to help him.  
  
"Tell you what," Harry said after a bit and watching Hermione racing up the stairs to her dormitory after cursing Ron. "I'll tutor you in the Room of Requirement every Tuesday and Thursday after supper. That's when Ron and Hermione have to patrol the hallways and I don't have Quidditch practice to worry about. Is that alright?"  
  
"What?" Neville asked shocked and looking up from his Herbology book. "You will? Why? Why not just hold the D.A. meetings if you're going to help me out anyway?"  
  
"Because there are too many schedules which contradict each other. Because there is a good teacher this year. Because I usually end up being your partner for practical purposes anyway. Because I don't feel like coming up with excuses for people to use on Madam Pomfrey as to why their toes are where their eyebrows are supposed to be. A lot of reasons," Harry shrugged.  
  
"I don't know how I did that to Ernie! I swear!" Neville exclaimed defensively.  
  
"I wasn't blaming you," Harry said reassuringly. "I just don't feel like shouldering the responsibility this year."  
  
"Then why tutor me?" Neville asked.  
  
"Because you saved my arse in the Department of Mysteries," Harry said flatly after thinking for a minute.  
  
"Oh," Neville said hearing the tone in Harry's voice. "Sorry, here I am demanding answers to stupid questions and I should be thanking you profusely."  
  
"Don't thank me yet," Harry said. "Wait until you get full marks on your N.E.W.T.s I'm going to bed, see ya."  
  
"Okay, thanks," Neville said picking up his Herbology book again.  
  
"No thanks until after the N.E.W.T.s" Harry reminded him standing up and walking up the stairs to his dorm.  
  
Harry changed and got into bed, drawing the curtains around his bed and stared at them wondering what the hell he was thinking, promising Neville to help him get decent marks on his DADA N.E.W.T.s! He wouldn't be able to help Neville for that long. Not only would Neville surpass Harry as soon as he became confident in himself, but also Harry couldn't be around for that long, he'd be too much of a risk.  
  
"Hey Harry?" Harry snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Ron's voice. "Are you awake?"  
  
"Yeah, why?" Harry asked pulling back his curtain to look at his friend.  
  
"Do you know how to keep my eyebrows from dancing the tango?" Ron asked miserably trying to watch his eyebrows without a mirror. "Finite Incantum doesn't work."  
  
"Did you hear the charm?" Harry asked watching Ron's eyebrows curiously.  
  
"Pellojos Bailan" Ron replied.  
  
"Hmmm, try 'Pellojos Finite Bailan,' and if that doesn't work, shave them off," Harry said closing his curtains again.  
  
"Gee thanks," Ron said sarcastically. "Just what I wanted to do, walk around the school without any eyebrows!"  
  
"You'll be making a fashion statement," Harry replied.  
  
"What? That I'm an idiot?" Ron demanded then tried the impromptu counter curse. "Thank Merlin! See you later mate."  
  
"Yeah," Harry replied pretending to be sleepy and went back to his musings and his staring contest with the red curtains surrounding his four-post bed.  
  
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AN:   
  
I was too lazy to look up the Latin words for 'Dance Eyebrows'  
  
And I was too lazy to look up the proper Spanish for 'Dance Eyebrows'  
  
And I forgot how to command in Spanish and of course, I was too lazy to look it up.  
  
Deal with it. :)  
  
Response time now!  
  
athenakitty: I'd say before... it produces a much more loud cough...  
  
hedowl5: Thank you! To be perfectly honest... I'm not going to tell you... why? because I am playing with ideas at the moment.  
  
SheWolfe7: I'm glad you liked the chapter even though it wasn't angsty. I hope you liked this chapter as well!  
  
Padawan Jan-AQ: I'm glad you liked my last chapter! And thank you for the idea! I don't know when it will crop up but it probably will!  
  
MixedUpAgain: Nope... Just 100 reviews... the stat's box and the review counter thingy are always off... and it is usually the lesser of the two that is accurate... but hey... its still a hundred reviews! I'm glad you liked the chapter!  
  
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Please remember to review!  
  
They feed me.  
  
So if you want me to live to write another day, review... :D 


	18. Back to Normal?

Back to Normal?  
  
AN:  
  
Hi all!  
  
I updated a bit late in the day... but its still sunday!  
  
I don't own HP ect. ect.  
  
Story now.  
  
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"What do you have today?" Ron asked at breakfast on Monday.  
  
"N.E.W.T. Defense Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures and Charms," Harry said. He looked at Ron's schedule and commented, "Same as yours idiot."   
  
"It might have been different. We have different levels of Potions and it might have screwed up our schedules beyond just Potions. It happened with Bill and his friends, he was stuck in an all Slytherin class. He had to keep shields around him and was in trouble a lot for not paying attention in class because he was looking out for stray curses," Ron said defending his intelligence.  
  
"What class was that?" Hermione asked curiously.  
  
"Ancient Runes," Ron replied. "He was in the N.E.W.T. level and the Ravenclaws that were in his O.W.L. classes were in another N.E.W.T. section. So the Slytherins surrounded him."  
  
"Then it's a good thing I'm not taking Ancient Runes," Harry said.  
  
"I hardly think that it was that bad," Hermione protested.  
  
"Yeah, well, when Bill was in school he had a Slytherin Ancient Runes Professor who was as bad as Snape," Ron said.  
  
"Is that even possible?" Harry wondered idly. "Snape made everyone believe I was taking remedial potions last year. I wonder how the hell the bastard is going to explain my O O.W.L. away."  
  
"Bet you a galleon that he's claiming you cheated," Ron said suppressing a yawn.  
  
"Did you really think I was going to take that bet?" Harry demanded of his best friend.  
  
"I could always hope," Ron grinned. "It's a good way to make an easy Galleon."  
  
"Be quiet the both of you," Hermione interrupted. "We have charms in fifteen minutes. So if you're going to finish eating you had better finish soon. I am not going to be late."  
  
"Yeah," Ron snickered softly. "Just because you've been skiving off all of your classes for the past couple of weeks doesn't mean you can't be late today."  
  
"I haven't skived off!" Hermione said indignantly. "I've been in the hospital wing with you two!"  
  
"That's never stopped you before," Ron said smartly.  
  
"Shut it," Harry said. "Its too early to listen to you two argue."  
  
"Come on," Hermione said stiffly. "I want to hand my Charms essay before class."  
  
"Alright," Harry agreed swinging his bag onto his shoulders. "Do you know who we have it with?"  
  
"Lavender, Parvati and Dean from Gryffindor I think," Hermione replied. "Parvati also said that Terry Boot from Ravenclaw and Hannah Abbot from Hufflepuff being in our class also. Oh yeah… she also said something about Blaise Zambini is also in it. She said that there were more people in it but couldn't remember their names."  
  
"So mostly Gryffindor friendly people then?" Ron asked following his friends out of the great hall. "Good, I don't want to have to see how strong my shield is."  
  
"Idiot," Hermione muttered and then said, "Professor Flitwick wouldn't allow people to curse each other. Maybe practice charms on one another, but not curse."  
  
"Yeah well, he can't see over his desk without a load of cushions either," Ron muttered.  
  
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, I see that you are all well," Flitwick said when they entered his classroom. "I'm glad you're early, I want to test you on the material we went over when you were in the hospital wing. You don't by chance have your essays done do you?"  
  
"Yes we do Professor," Hermione replied handing over several feet of parchment to the short stature professor. Harry and Ron quickly gave theirs to him as well, though neither was as long nor as neat as Hermione's.  
  
"Oh good! Now then, how are you all on defense shields? We were working on them earlier and it's a prerequisite to healing charms," the professor explained as Ron groaned having to test his shields anyway.  
  
"We can do the Protego charm," Harry said as Hermione fought to keep her face straight.  
  
"Oh excellent!" Flitwick bounced happily. "What about the Repulli or Scutum shields?"  
  
"I can do them both," Hermione replied evidently winning in her internal battle to not laugh at Ron.  
  
"No idea," Ron said slightly sourly as Lavender and Parvati came in the door.  
  
"I don't know, I haven't tried them but I read about them near the end of last year. I could try them I guess," Harry shrugged.  
  
"You both should have little trouble with Scutum, Protego is a more advanced version of that one," Flitwick reassured them. "Just go stand over there and I'll throw some curses at you."  
  
"You know," Ron muttered to Harry. "That's not a reassuring thing to hear from an ex-dueling champion. And isn't this what I didn't want to try during class?"  
  
"At least he isn't an ex-Deatheater," Harry replied dryly not having any sympathy for Ron.  
  
"Hmmm, good point," Ron conceded.  
  
"All right, I'll try you first Mr. Potter," the professor said from across the room. "Try 'Repelli' first."  
  
The professor sent a jet of water towards Harry and it arched back towards the professor. "Oh very good! Very good indeed! Now try Scutum."  
  
Harry managed the shielding charm as well. Ron then had his go but had some trouble with the repelling shield. Flitwick was over the moon about them having the charms down relatively well but assigned Ron to practice the repelling charm for homework. This added with the homework he assigned to the class caused Ron to be fairly grumpy.  
  
"You know," Ron grumbled as they walked out of the Charms classroom. "I reckon Flitwick must be part House-elf, to be so cheerful giving out so much work."  
  
"Ron! That's cruel!" Hermione scowled and hit him in the head with her charms book that she had been trying to put into her book bag.  
  
"Ouch! Okay… okay, he isn't part House-elf! He's just psychotic!" Ron replied rubbing his head.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione snapped and Ron danced away from her hand which was threatening to hit his shoulder with her charms book.  
  
"We have to get to Care of Magical Creatures," Harry interrupted.  
  
"Hagrid won't care if we're late," Ron protested.  
  
"Just because we're his friends doesn't mean he'll let us be late to his class," Hermione said.  
  
"You guys do know I was trying to divert you from a fight?" Harry asked tiredly. "Apparently not, because all you did was switch topics."  
  
"Sorry," Hermione said sheepishly.  
  
"Do you really mind us fighting all of the time?" Ron asked.  
  
"The underclassman claim they can't study properly without someone yelling in the common room," Harry said dryly.  
  
"No they don't," Ron protested has Hermione blushed.  
  
"Ask Neville or Ginny," Harry shrugged. They walked the rest of the way to Hagrid's hut in silence.  
  
"'Arry! Ron! 'Ermione!" Hagrid exclaimed. He winked at them and grinned. "I'm glad you're feel'n better. I swear when I get my 'ands on the person who…"  
  
"Hagrid," Hermione interrupted loudly. "It's a virus. It is no one's fault."  
  
"Oh…. Right you are 'Ermione," Hagrid said blinking. "It's a pity tha' ya coul'nt make it to the firs' classes. They were exci'ing."  
  
"What did we miss?" Ron asked a little worried.   
  
"We went o'er Chimeras an' Aragog lent us a 'and with some lessons," Hagrid said enthusiastically.  
  
Ron paled visibly and sighed in relief.  
  
"Shouldn't you start the lesson soon?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Yeah, I reckon I should," Hagrid said looking at his small N.E.W.T. prep class assembled around the yard. He turned to them and announced, "Today we're gonna start studying teething Crocottas"  
  
The class collectively muffled their groans.  
  
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AN:  
  
From Encyclopedia of Monsters etc.-  
  
crocotta   
  
Documented by Pliny, this offspring of a wolf and dog can be found in Ethiopia. It is said that this creature can break anything with its teeth and can also eat anything. It may be just an exaggeration of a hyena which has very powerful jaws  
  
Aren't I evil?  
  
REVIEW! If I don't get at least ten reviews... I'm ending the next chapter in a cliff hanger! 


	19. Sneering Implications

Sneering Implications  
  
AN:  
  
As I promised you.  
  
This chapter ends in a cliff hanger.  
  
I am very disapointed in all of you slackers!  
  
I know you are reading this fic!  
  
And if you are not... then WHY are you reading this author's note???? HMMMM????  
  
I do not own Harry Potter... though I do seem to be trying to torture the poor boy...  
  
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"I pity you," Ron snickered looking at Harry and Hermione's schedules on Tuesday morning. "Potions fist thing every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday! You don't even have it in the afternoon so you can do your homework during lunch! Man I pity you…"  
  
"Shut up," Harry said sourly. He was not looking forward to seeing his hated Professor who had saved his life when he had wanted to lose it. Snape would never let him live his attempt down. 'The-Boy-Who-Lived-Who-Failed-At-Suicide-And-Was-Saved-By-Former-Deatheater' Luckily he'd only have to endure snide hints and jokes about that bloody night. Their story about having Chicken Pox would not work if some of the teachers were contradicting it. "I am not looking forward to facing Snape after what happened."  
  
"Relax," Hermione said soothingly. "You have all of your Potions work done, so he can't sneer at you for that and Dumbledore would be furious if he mentioned in any way what happened that night. He'll just be his usual greasy self and you have been bearing that for five years. That should be long enough for you to have developed thick skin to his comments. And you won't have to see him the rest of the day, at least you'll stop dealing with him after the morning."  
  
"Yeah… So I can be in a bad mood for the rest of the day," Harry said sourly, pushing his bacon and eggs around on his plate. A nauseous feeling had fell upon him as soon as he learned that he would have to face the Potions master right after breakfast.  
  
"We have to go," Hermione said after a few minutes of ignoring Harry's last comment. "Potions starts in about eight minutes, and Merlin knows what he'd do to us if we're late today."  
  
"Ah… a free period," Ron gloated reclining against his hands that he put behind his head and crossing his ankles in front of him to keep his balance. "No class for an hour and a half yet. I think I'll go back to the common room and nap… or maybe I'll go and visit Hagrid, assuming he doesn't have a class."  
  
"Shut up Ron," Harry said collecting his things and left with Hermione to go to one of the portals to hell. They walked into the dungeon classroom and sat behind three Ravenclaws and two Hufflepuffs, staying well away from Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zambini, and Millicent Bulstrode who occupied the right side of the room and all sneered at the two Gryffindors who dared take N.E.W.T. Potions with the very biased Slytherin Head of House.  
  
The Potions Master swept into the room a few moments after Harry and Hermione had left their essays on his desk and had sat back down in their seats. He sent his customary glare towards the left side of the room but added his sneer when he saw Harry and Hermione in the back of the classroom, "So Miss Granger and Mr. Potter have finally deemed my class worthy enough to attend. Perhaps they realized that they could not possibly hope to pass my class without any practical work."  
  
The Slytherins snickered appreciating Snape's jibe while Harry bit his tongue to keep from snapping at the surly professor. However the professor was not yet done, "Potter, Granger, I want you both front and center so I can make sure that you do not blow up my lab." Then he added to himself so loudly the whole class could hear, "Only Merlin knows how Potter managed to qualify for this class. One of the members of his fan club must have been grading his Potions O.W.L."  
  
As Harry and Hermione reluctantly moved their things and themselves to the front table the Slytherins laughed once again and only stopped when Snape said, "Today we are going to make Blood replenishing Potion."  
  
Harry stiffened slightly and Hermione patted his knee comfortingly under the table. It did little good when Snape snapped, "Potter! Tell me how a blood replenishing potion works."  
  
"One does of Viviaquaredeo, or fifty milliliters, will encourage a person's bone marrow to increase the production of red blood cells for two hours. One sdoes will cause approximately a liter of blood to be replaced within that hour," Harry said softly and then added icily, "Sir."  
  
"Five points from Gryffindor for reciting out of a book," Snape said just as coldly. "And five points from Gryffindor for being flippant."  
  
Harry resorted to biting his tongue again as Snape added, "And ten more points from Gryffindor for not explaining how the potion encourages the bone marrow to work harder."  
  
The Potions Master instructed his students to brew Viviaquaredeo. Throughout the class Snape sneered at Harry's potion, making a point to look at his potion every ten minutes, each time insulting Harry. Finally he announced to the class ten minutes before class ended, "Bottle your potion and clean up your areas. Potter. Stay after class. We need to discuss your attitude in class."  
  
"Greasy Git," Harry muttered under his breath as he cleaned various insect juices from his table.  
  
"Shhh…" Hermione hushed as she neatly placed her left over supplies back into her potions kit. "You don't want a detention tonight."  
  
Harry grumbled quietly and finished cleaning his area and bottlying his potion to be graded. When the bell sounded announcing the end of class the students left the room quickly, the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs giving Harry sympathetic glances, the Slytherins sneering at him, and Hermione shot him a look that said 'Keep-your-temper-in-check-or-you'll-get-a-detention' but said aloud, "I'll tell Professor McGollangal that you are going to be late for class."  
  
"Thanks Hermione," he replied dully.  
  
Snape closed the door with a wave of his wand once Hermione had rushed out of the room and put a locking and silencing charm on it. He stared coldly at Harry until Harry broke the silence by saying, "You wanted to see me about my attitude in class, sir."  
  
"I know perfectly well what I told you Potter," Snape snapped. "And although your attitude is just as sorry as ever, that is not what we are here to talk about."  
  
"Then what are we going to talk about sir?" Harry asked coldly.  
  
"You will report here every Wednesday and Thursday evening for Occulmency lessons. They will begin at precisely seven-thirty and end when I deem fit," Snape said sourly.  
  
"WHAT?" Harry exclaimed shocked that the teacher who had throne him out of Occulmency lessons before was now forcing him to come back to them.  
  
"You clearly have not mastered Occulmency otherwise you would not have gone to the ministry last June. You will explain your time with me as extra Potion classes to make up for your two week absence," Snape said sharply.  
  
"Yes sir," Harry said through gritted teeth and eyes blazing with anger and an undertone of fear.  
  
Harry turned to leave when the professor said coldly, "I don't believe you Potter."  
  
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AN:  
  
*laughs evilly*  
  
Guess what! If you don't give me ten reviews... the next chapter will also end in a cliff hanger!  
  
I've been trying to be nice.  
  
But truth be told... I love writing cliff hangers... *points to a few in TEOTD*  
  
SPEAKING of TEOTD... I hate that fic.... it will not be updated on 4/24/04...   
  
Sorry to all who read it... but the writers block blocking it is made out of a titanium aloy...  
  
*kicks the darn thing*  
  
But you have to   
  
REVIEW  
  
THIS   
  
FIC! 


	20. Verbal Sparring

Verbal Sparring  
  
AN:  
  
Hi all!  
  
Did I tell you I have recently aquired a puppy?  
  
She's so black I've started to call her 'Baby Grim'  
  
Of Course... that has nothing to do with me not owning Harry Potter and ect...  
  
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Harry froze in his spot and thought, "No way an he know. I'm careful. Maybe I've been too careful. No I'm acting normally. He wants me to suffer. That's it. He wants to spread it around the school to make me miserable. He couldn't know that I really tried to kill myself," in about two seconds with the chant "Shit, Shit, Shit," running underneath his thoughts. Harry turned around to face the Potions master and asked calmly, "You don't believe me about what sir?"  
  
"You know precisely what I don't believe you about, Potter," Snape said coldly.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, I don't," Harry said professing his ignorance while glaring at the professor angrily to hide his fear.  
  
"Bull shit," Snape replied. "Since you insist on acting dumber than you actually are I'll humor you. I don't believe the bull crap about Voldemort making you do a damned thing. You were the one who tried to end your life. Not the dark lord."  
  
Harry's fear flashed on his face before he schooled it into the indifference he showed to the Dursleys whenever they accused him of something, and took the advice that Vernon gave to Dudley before he went to Smeltings, "When caught in a lie, deny, deny, deny."  
  
"I don't know why I would lie about something like that. Especially since it seems so unlikely and people wouldn't believe me. If I had to lie why wouldn't I come up with something a bit more believable? Like being put under the Imperious curse or something," Harry replied. "That way I wouldn't have put up with you not believing that Voldemort tried to kill me again, like he has tried five times before."  
  
"Idiot," Snape hissed. "You know perfectly well that I am a spy in the Dark Lord's inner circle and one thing about the bastard, that even you should know by now, meeting him as many times as you have, is that he loves to brag. If he managed to slit your wrists by your own hands, through your own mind, then he would be bragging to his Deatheaters and the Slytherin children of the Deatheaters would spread rumors about you being suicidal. Since none of that has occurred, there is reason to believe that Voldemort did not slit your wrists. You did."  
  
Harry stood frozen for a few seconds realizing that he had overlooked the important detail that Snape was a Deatheater. After he unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth he said as calmly as he could manage, "Maybe Voldemort was pissed off that he didn't succeed. He could be sulking."  
  
"Ten points from Gryffindor for treating a teacher like an idiot," Snape snapped releasing some of his anger that was building since he started to talk to the insolate brat called 'The-Boy-Who-Lived.' "Even if he was angry that he failed, he A. would not admit it, and B. would still brag about the control he has over you and the Deatheaters' children would still spread rumors about your suicidal tendencies, thus making your life miserable before he would try to kill you again.  
  
"Well the bastard is insane, who can figure out why he does what he does?" Harry said thinking fast and wishing desperately that he would be released to go to Transfiguration class soon.  
  
"Five points from Gryffindor for swearing," Snape started reminding himself that if he gave Potter detention that would just be more time he had to spend with the Gryffindor. "He is completely rational when it comes to planning and torturing people he does not like. He would not let this opportunity pass."  
  
"I'm surprised you're keeping silent," Harry said acidly. "You hate me just as much as Voldemort does and as you just said, this getting out would make my life miserable."  
  
"Unfortunately that would discredit you and we need you to be a mascot for the light side," Snape spat disgusted. "Dumbledore ordered me to keep my mouth shut and I owe that man more than one bloody favor."  
  
"I knew it, Dumbledore didn't believe me," Harry muttered angrily to himself.  
  
"Wrong again Potter," Snape sneered. "I don't know how you managed it, but he believes you and is giving you back your cozy little position as the 'Tragic Hero of Hogwarts,' which has to be the most idiotic thing that man has done in his hundred and fifty year old life. His favoritism towards you is going to doom the whole damned world, Muggle and wizard alike, and all because he didn't pay attention to his 'Golden Boy's' actions after said 'Golden Boy' slit his bloody wrists trying to kill and came up with a cock and bull story denying his actions. Not to mention he is the only one able to defeat the bloody dark lord and his dying before the destroying the bastard would bring about the end of the world."  
  
"I don't see why you would care who wins," Harry said scathingly. "You work on both sides. You hate me and would love to see me die. In fact I don't know why else you would bother to be a spy except as insurance just in case the Light side prevails. Isn't that what you Slytherins do? Work for the side that gives you what you want, but make sure you look good on the other side as well just in case they win and you can go on with your life? 'Look after only yourself and the rest of the world be damned,' is the Slytherin motto."  
  
Snape sputtered angrily staring at the Gryffindor student who was standing defiantly before him. It had been a long time since a Gryffindor stood up to him to his face who wasn't a Seventh year after they had taken their N.E.W.T.s. He regained his composure and hissed quietly, "Detention Potter. 8:00 pm every night next wee. I don't know why I tried to convince you to confess under your own conscious. Now get out of my sight before I decide to pour Veritism down your throat and drag you to the Headmaster and force you to tell where the fault that 'incident' lies in."  
  
"And of course if you are capable of doing that, Dumbledore could not be certain that it was Veritism that you made me take and not some manipulation potion," Harry snapped back at the angry man and walked out of the room.   
  
'Damn Snape to hell' Harry thought angrily as he walked to his head of house's classroom. 'Damn him, damn him, damn him."  
  
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AN:  
  
Congradulations people! You got it to ten reviews! That means I didn't have to end this chapter in a cliff hanger.  
  
But I have a question for you:  
  
Some have asked that instead of updating every Sunday, I should update everyother Sunday and just push two chapters together at once.  
  
Would you agree to that? I'm taking the majority's vote...  
  
And if I get a chapter up to at least 2000 words in one week, I'd update that one immediately.  
  
Review and tell me what you think!  
  
And REMEMBER 10 reviews equals no cliffie  
  
below 10 reviews, cliffie.  
  
though some people might like cliffies... 


	21. Training

Chapter 21  
  
Training  
  
AN:  
  
ITS STILL SUNDAY!  
  
Grant it, kind of late on Sunday...  
  
But I lost half of the chapter and had to type the whole darned thing up.  
  
I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
Chapter now:  
  
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"You have to go back to those classes with that bastard?" Ron asked disbelievingly. "Wasn't last year enough torture with him? Why couldn't someone else teach you instead?"  
  
"Because some celestial being hates my guts," Harry said sullenly. "I can deal with Voldemort's annual attempts on my life… but at least he doesn't torture me nonstop during the school year and then invade my privacy on top of that. No… all he does is try to kill me. He doesn't take delight in torturing me every friggin potions class."  
  
"Its for the best Harry," Hermione said to her best friend. "You need to learn how to guard your mind from Voldemort… especially with what happened last time. We were lucky, but I wouldn't want to put it up luck the next time. I'd prefer if there were no next time at all."  
  
"Yes well… Snape doesn't believe me about the last time," Harry said darkly, stabbing his chicken with his fork.  
  
"WHAT? How can he not believe you? That fucking bastard! That…" Ron trailed off after catching the glare that Hermione had sent his way. However Hermione did not say a word and bit her lip and diverted her eyes while Ron finished his dinner.  
  
"Come on Ron, we have patrol duty, and we need to check in," Hermione said standing up after Ron's second helping of desert.  
  
"Ah… why did you have to remind me?" Ron whined. "I could have pretended I forgot about it! Besides, where do they get off giving us double duty for the next couple weeks? Its not fair!"  
  
"It wasn't fair that we neglected our prefect duties while we were in the hospital wing," Hermione reminded him. "Anyway you'd have to make it up another day."  
  
"Besides," Harry said quietly. "Who would have believed Hermione wouldn't have reminded you?"  
  
"Still," Ron grumbled standing up to go with Hermione. "I wouldn't have gone today…"  
  
They walked out of the Great Hall, Ron still complaining and Hermione putting up with it with a patience cultivated over the past five years. Harry ate a cherry tomato from his salad and looked around the Gryffindor trying to find Neville, and found him talking to Dean Thomas.  
  
Harry got up from the table and walked slowly to the Room of Requirement and carefully visualized what he wanted the room to look like so that he wouldn't have to move things around once in the room. He entered it and was pleased to find that the room took up the details precisely… even the Wack-a-Mole game he wanted in the corner. He wandered over to the cushions against the wall and lay down, waiting for Neville to show up.  
  
He soon was back in the department of mysteries. He was standing on the stairs looking down on the scene before Sirius had fell through the veil. Harry started to run towards Sirius thinking he could save him this time, maybe this time he could save his godfather. But the stairs kept multiplying and he could not run down the stairs fast enough to make any distance.  
  
Finally Bellatrix shot the curse at Sirius that caused him to fall towards the veil. Everything froze when Sirius was half way at the veil.  
  
Sirius looked at Harry and asked, "Why didn't you save me? You came here to save me and all you did was kill me. You're no better than Voldemort… you killed your family."  
  
"I didn't mean to kill you! I can't be like Voldemort! I'm not like Voldemort!" Harry cried still tyring ot get to Sirius. "Don't go! Please! I can still save you!"  
  
Sirius's body suddenly shifted to Cedric's who asked angrily, "How can you save him if you couldn't save me? You killed him the same way you killed me! You can't save people you kill! If you wanted to save them you wouldn't kill them first!"  
  
"I didn't try to," Harry cried.  
  
"But you did," said James who had taken Cedric's place falling through to the world of death. "You killed more people in sixteen years of life than some killers who were put to death."  
  
The figure changed into Lily who said simply, "I regret bringing you into this world, Harry."  
  
The figure changed back into Sirius who said, "Harry," and fell through the veil.  
  
Voices came through the veil chanting, "Harry, Harry, Harry."  
  
Suddenly Harry sat up on the cushions panting heavily with Neville looking at him with concern.  
  
"Are you alright Harry?" Neville asked. "You were whimpering in your sleep."  
  
"Sorry Neville," Harry said forcing a smile. "I was just kind of tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."  
  
"We don't have to do this if you're tired," Neville said.  
  
"no, I'll train you, I said I would," Harry said standing up. "Besides, I had a nap just now."  
  
"All right, if you really want to," Neville said.  
  
Harry stifled a yawn and said, "First things first, hand over your wand."  
  
"Why?" Neville asked handing it over.  
  
"Because that way I'm sure you won't use magic to help," Harry said.  
  
"How am I supposed to learn Defense if you have my wand?" Neville asked.  
  
"By first improving your hand-eye coordination," Harry replied. He pointed to the other end of the room. "I made an obstacle course for you. Once you get through it in two minutes or three times then we can see how much your aim has improved. Knowing curses won't do you any good if you can't hit your enemy."  
  
"Oh…" Neville said. "That makes sense." He looked at the obstacle course and then back at Harry, confused. "What do I have to do?"  
  
"You have to run through the tires to get to those books on the table. You place two books on your head and walk across the room to the table there," Harry said pointing as he went. "If the books fall off your head you go back to the table and get two more books to put on your head. Once you get across the room you play that game aside it called 'Wack-a-Mole' you hit five moles in a row and then you throw two darts onto the moving target. Once the second dart hits the target, a bell will ring telling me you're done."  
  
"And you want me to do that in less than two minutes?" Neville asked disbelievingly.  
  
"Or three times," Harry corrected. "I have a stop watch so I'll be able to time you."  
  
"Okay," Neville said and turned to the course. He then turned back and asked, "How do I hit the mole?"  
  
"Oh… with the big rubber mallet beside the game," Harry said. He picked up the stop watch from the table beside the cushions he took his nap on and said, "Go!" and started the timer.  
  
After the first time Neville went through the course it became painfully clear to Harry that it would take some time for Neville to get through the course in less than two minutes. Neville had managed to get through the course in just under ten minutes. First he kept falling in the tire lane and then books kept falling off of his head. He also had great trouble with the 'Walk-A-Mole' and the darts areas.  
  
"Okay," Harry said. "Try it once more and then we'll go over what we're doing in class."  
  
"All right," Neville said nodding and went to try the course again.  
  
After Neville got through the course the second time they went to their Defense homework and Harry gave Neville back his wand. Neville started to pack his stuff up to leave after they had finished their homework and asked, "You were having a nightmare about last year weren't you?"  
  
Harry was silent for a moment and then said, "Yeah…"  
  
"I'm sorry about your Godfather. I hate Lestrange," Neville said passionately. "I hate anyone who does an unforgivable curse on another human being. The damned Curcatius took away my parents and did the same to a whole lot of other people. I hope everyone who does that curse goes to Azkaban."  
  
Neville then calmed down a bit and said, "I have to go. I told someone I'd meet them right around now. See ya."  
  
"Bye," Harry said in a daze. He just realized that he deserved Neville's hate. He cast the Crucatius curse on Bellatrix Lestrange.  
  
"Merlin," Harry whispered when he was alone in the room. "All I cause is death and pain. That's all I'm good for…"  
  
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AN:  
  
Okay, I'll update every Sunday.  
  
And remember... greater than 10 reviews, no cliffie  
  
less than 10 reviews, cliffie.  
  
That's not a cliffie is it? 


	22. Early Morning Tea

Chapter 22  
  
Early Morning Tea  
  
AN:  
  
Hi!   
  
You're SO lucky that I got this done...  
  
I've been studying for two AP exams, one calc formula final, and one spanish final for this week.  
  
My brain is going to be fried by friday afternoon.  
  
I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
On with the story:  
  
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Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was up at a peculiar hour in the morning for any sane person, three forty-three in the morning. He walked leisurely through the hallways nodding hello to a few ghosts and the portraits who were trading late night gossip, most notably Violet running from portrait to portrait picking up more rumors than Bertha Jerkins did in her first two years at Hogwarts.  
  
The headmaster walked down the hallway with portraits dedicated to food and tickled a certain pear that turned into a handle, allowing him into the ever popular kitchens. Dumbledore walked over to the table that corresponded with the Gryffindor table in the Great hall, where Remus Lupin was sleeping, resting his head on his arms with a steaming cup of tea in front of him. Dumbledore smiled as he lightly shook the man awake.  
  
Remus shot up and looked around quickly before seeing the headmaster looking at him with that annoying twinkle in his eye. "Hello headmaster. Why are we meeting at such an obscene hour in the morning when even the owls are sleeping?"  
  
"Oh, its not such a bad hour," Dumbledore said sitting down and smiling brightly. "It's a good time to watch the stars, or to be alone. Don't you agree? It's a time of day when you can get away with practically anything."  
  
"I wasn't even awake at this hour when I attended Hogwarts as a student and we had a particularly complex prank to play on the Slytherins that morning and waking at that time would be the best time for us to start unless we wanted to risk getting caught," Remus yawned.  
  
"Would Master Dumbledore sir like a cup of tea?" Dobby asked seemingly popping out of nowhere to Remus.  
  
"Some lemon tea would be delightful," the headmaster said thoughtfully. "And please, be generous on the sugar."  
  
"Yes sir, Master Dumbledore," Dobby said joyfully and scurried off to get the requested tea.  
  
"So Albus," Remus said taking a long draught of his black tea trying to revive a bit. "Why are we meeting in the kitchens at ten till four in the morning?"  
  
"I always thought having refreshments nearby was a good way to conduct business," Dumbledore said.  
  
"And conjuring food is beyond your ability?" Remus asked sarcastically.  
  
"My dear boy," Dumbledore chuckled. "I do believe you have been spending too much time with Severus. You sounded just like him." Remus looked at the headmaster in horror for a minute before Dumbledore decided to take pity on him and answered his question, "I also have some things I'd like to ask the house-elves to do for me and since they always keep their master's secrets I believe this to be the place we are least likely to be overheard by unwanted ears."  
  
"Um Headmaster, there is a room on the fifth floor which is a very good place to spy on the kitchen from, or guess what is for dinner that day," Remus said. "Sirius and I once spied on one of Lily and James' indoor picnics in the kitchen because I t was raining and the house-elves created a small park in the corner of the kitchen for them."  
  
"Ah yes," Dumbledore said smiling. "I know that room quite well and rest assured, I have fixed the possible problem."  
  
"Here is your tea Master Dumbledore sir," Dobby said placing a cup and saucer in front of the elderly wizard along with a container of extra sugar. "Is there being anything more you is wishing?"  
  
"Yes there is," Dumbledore said. "What is your favorite drink Dobby?"  
  
"I is liking pumpkin juice sir," Dobby said.  
  
"Good," Dumbledore said then flicked his wand, summoning a jug of pumpkin juice and a tumbler. "I would like you to sit down with us and discuss something."  
  
"Sit down? With yous sir? Dobby is honored sir! But Dobby is not worthy to sit with you sir," Dobby said his ears drooping.  
  
"Nonsense," Dumbledore said. "You are free are you not?"  
  
"Yes sir," Dobby said. "Sir is very kind to pay Dobby for working sir."  
  
"Well anyone who is free or who wants to be free is worth enough to sit and talk with me," Dumbledore reassured the elf.  
  
"Sir is too kind to Dobby," Dobby wept.  
  
"Come on Dobby," Remus said smiling. "Sit down."  
  
Dobby sat down next to the headmaster after blowing his nose on the maroon sweater he was wearing with jean shorts that were functioning as pants and an assortment of buttons on his tea-cozy including one that said 'Weasley is our King.'  
  
"How do you believe Harry is doing Remus?" Dumbledore asked as soon as Dobby was settled down.  
  
"He seems more quiet in my classes and with his friends than I remember him in his third year," Remus said with a sigh. "But he is doing well in my class and has already caught up with his D.A. club and has turned in all of his make up essays. He is either an accomplished actor or not depressed to the point of suicide. He is definitely more quiet, but Sirius did die just a few months ago and I know that I still haven't' gotten over it yet."  
  
"Dumbledore nodded as if that was the report he expected to hear. "All of his other professors but one all say he seems to be doing well in his classes, has all of his back work done and seems normal, if quiet."  
  
"Let me guess, Snape is the one who doesn't report that," Remus sighed thinking of his colleague's loathing of James Potter's son.  
  
"Correct, he insists we should take away Harry's wand and put him in Saint Mungo's psychiatric ward," Dumbledore said.  
  
Dobby fidgeted angrily but said nothing as he drank his pumpkin juice and listened to the conversation.  
  
"Does he have any proof that Harry is depressed?" Remus asked.  
  
"No, not even with the Occlumency lessons he's giving Harry again," Dumbledore said. "He's put his memories of those lessons into my pensieve so I may examine them but all of Harry's memories have been of his previous years at Hogwarts. Also Severus has told Harry right out that he doesn't believe him."  
  
Remus groaned and put his head into his hands, "The bleeding idiot."  
  
"Well he does have ignorance to allow him to make foolish choices, but he does not retain that ignorance willingly. It is not his fault that I have deceived him," the headmaster said. "But I did not want to risk Harry breaking into his mind again and finding that particular memory. It could ruin any chance we have of him trusting us."  
  
"We're watching him like he were an experiment Albus," Remus said bitterly. "I for one would severely dislike the people who treated me like that without my consent."  
  
"Alas my boy, but it is necessary," Dumbledore sighed. The headmaster turned to Dobby and said, "Dobby I have a favor to ask of you."  
  
"Whats be it Master Dumbledore sir?" the house-elf squeaked and jumped to his feet.  
  
"I would like you and some of the other house-elves to watch Harry invisibly and silently and report immediately to either Remus or myself if he does anything that could harm him," Dumbledore asked seriously.  
  
"But we is already doing that for Miss," Dobby said brightly. "We has been watching Harry Potter sir since he gots out of the Hospital Wing."  
  
"What?" Remus sputtered incoherently.  
  
"Dobby, who asked you to do this?" Dumbledore asked patiently.  
  
"Harry Potter's Miss sir," Dobby said. "Miss asked us not to tells anything about hers wanting to have us watch Harry Potter but since yous is wanting us too we can tell you too."  
  
"Who is Harry's Miss?" Dumbledore asked again.  
  
"Miss is the one who be trying to convince the other elves to be free," Dobby said quietly. "But Miss is promised not to try to gets them to be free unless they asks for it. Or is doing something wrong."  
  
"Hermione?" Remus asked wonderingly.  
  
"Yes! Harry Potter's Miss!" Dobby exclaimed happily.  
  
"Hmmm, perhaps I should talk with Miss Granger," the headmaster said. "Remus, I suggest you go back to your rooms and get a few more hours of sleep before classes. I plan on doing the same thing."  
  
"Gladly," Remus said standing up and pondering over what Dobby had just revealed to them. "See you at breakfast."  
  
"Get some sleepy my boy," Dumbledore nodded.  
  
Remus left, leaving Dumbledore and Dobby alone. The old wizard turned to the elf and said, "I would appreciate it if you and your coworkers would not tell Miss Granger or anyone else about tonight alright?"  
  
"Yes Master Dumbledore sir," Dobby said nodding. "I is not saying a word to her ors anyone else."  
  
"That's good Dobby. Now if you excuse me, I would like to have a tad more sleep. Good night Dobby," Dumbledore said smiling and heading out of the kitchens leaving Dobby to his work cleaning up their tea.  
  
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AN:  
  
A fairly long chapter for this story anyway... roughly 1,500 words.  
  
Since I did not write a cliffie this time, remember 10 reviews!  
  
Otherwise... dun dun dun... the dreaded cliffie...  
  
BTW... I'll eventually be going back to fix all of the typos I found in previous chapters...  
  
I pratically melted when I saw them... "The Typos! THE TYPOS!"  
  
Anyway  
  
REVIEW!!! 


	23. Letters and Plans

Chapter 23  
  
Letters and Plans  
  
AN:  
  
I'm watching HPSS on ABC...  
  
I seen the comments...  
  
WHATS THIS about Teenage Tension between Hermione and Ron???  
  
There is no Teenage Tension between them unless you're talking about Ron getting mad about the rat 'dieing' and McGollangal taking away Harry's broom.  
  
Sorry... if you can't tell from my other fics... I like H/H  
  
But I really can't write romance... so you dont' really have to worry about it in this fic.  
  
I dont' think so anyway...   
  
ANYWAY my rant is over  
  
and I don't own Harry Potter  
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Saturday morning Hermione woke up early, but it was not the gentle transition from unconsciousness to awareness that most students indulged themselves in on the weekends. She had woken up in a cold sweat, a racing pulse, and tears running down her face.  
  
Hermione shivered unconsciously when she remembered the nightmare which had interrupted her sleep; Harry was lying dead at her feet, a mad grin on his face and blood impossibly still gushing out o f the wounds on his wrists. He then got to his feet, blood still flowing out of his wrists, and stared at her with dead eyes before starting to chase her, asking her lifelessly, "You knew I lied, why didn't you tell anyone? You could have kept me from trying this again. Now I'm dead. You could have stopped me."  
  
Harry had continued to chase her, accusing her of letting him down until he had run her off a cliff where she feel screaming until she had woken up violently. She thanked Merlin that she hadn't screamed aloud when she woke up disrupting her roommates' sleep, as she had done before in the past, usually about one of the disturbing events that she had gone through with Harry and Ron.  
  
Hermione got dressed and collected a heavy tome from her bedside and carried it downstairs into the Gryffindor Common Room where she propped her book on the arm of a chair near the blazing fire and curled up reading, trying to soothe her frayed nerves until her friends would come downstairs ready to eat everything in sight for breakfast. Or at least she tried to read. She stared at the pages of the book thinking on the last few weeks of her life, which had been shaken once again. Hermione's life had been flipped upside down more times than she wanted to count. She sat lost in her thoughts about all of the 'surprises' in her life until someone abruptly shut her book, jarring her from her thoughts. She looked up started to see Ron grinning at her, "Stop reading! It's the weekend! Besides its time for breakfast and you should eat breakfast without reading. Hell, you should eat all of your meals without reading! It distracts from the flavor of the food!"  
  
"Honestly!" Hermione exclaimed annoyed. "Do you ever think about anything but your seemingly bottomless pit of a stomach?"  
  
"As long as its full," Ron replied smartly as Hermione grudgingly got up from her chair and joined Harry at the portrait entrance. Harry had been silently watching the interaction of the two, ready to escape if it escalated into one of their famous rows that he just wasn't up to endure watching the impromptu duel.  
  
"Good morning Harry," Hermione told her best friend as they exited the common room.   
  
"Morning," Harry replied with a smile that somehow didn't make it up to his eyes. "What were you reading about?"  
  
"Why would you get her started on that?" Ron demanded. "Now we're going to have to listen to explanations on something we have no idea about."  
  
"If you would pay attention in class then maybe you'd understand it," Hermione spat at the redhead.  
  
"Who wants to know about the dueling style of some dead guy anyway?" Ron asked.  
  
"People who want to duel well!" Hermione retorted. They continued to fight through the corridors and at the Gryffindor table until the post owls arrived. A barn owl settled in front of Hermione bearing a letter.  
  
She stopped arguing with Ron and untied the letter from the owl and opened it. There was a sheet of Muggle paper in the parchment envelope saying;  
  
'Miss Granger,   
  
Pretend that this letter is from your parents. I must discuss some things with you privately. Meet me in the Room of Requirement during Gryffindor Quidditch practice.  
  
Do Not Tell Mr. Potter or Mr. Weasley.  
  
Professor Dumbledore'  
  
"Who's it from?" Ron asked curiously as soon as she was done reading the first paper. "Is it from VICKY?"  
  
"His name is Victor," Hermione glared at him stuffing the letter into one of her pockets. "And not that it's any of your business, but its from my parents."  
  
"Oh," Ron said calming down. He then started in on his breakfast with a vengeance.  
  
Hermione shook her head at her friend's obsessions with Victor Krum and food. She wished that Ron would stop being so jealous all the time because it made him blind to so many other things in life. It was Ron's jealousy that causes Harry and him to fight for weeks on end.  
  
Hermione shook her head slightly refocusing on the letter she had just received. She thought it was peculiar that the headmaster would want to speak with her alone. For all she knew, it could be a trap to kidnap her in order to lure Harry somewhere, like what happened last year. But if it truly was the headmaster who sent he letter then she shouldn't' tell Harry and Ron so she couldn't ask them to come with her.  
  
She sighed as she sliced some apples with a cutting spell and dumped them into her porridge along with some maple syrup making it almost sickeningly sweet, but a good thing to make her alert after waking up too early that morning. Although she knew coffee had the same effect she couldn't stand the bitter taste, beside the fact that Hogwarts did not serve coffee to students. She knew she couldn't got to the Room of Requirement alone, but there were not many people who she trusted to watch her back, and three of them would be at Quidditch practice when she was supposed to go to the meeting. That only left two people, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood. She blinked in surprise that she did not trust any of the adults in the school, even the adults that she knew were in the Order, to keep her safe. Then she came to the conclusion that it wasn't all that surprising considering the events of the past couple of years.  
  
"Hey Hermione!" Ron said snapping his fingers in front of her face. "Wake up!"  
  
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Hermione asked jumping slightly.  
  
"You were off with the fairies," Ron said. "I asked you if you were going to watch us practice after lunch."  
  
"Oh… no… I have some plans," Hermione replied.  
  
"What sort of plans?" Harry asked clearly, at least to Hermione, trying to stay a part of the conversation so his friends wouldn't exam him too closely and see something wrong with his eyes.  
  
"I was planning on doing some research…" Hermione said excitingly knowing that would get at least Ron off her back.  
  
"Have fun," Ron said immediately and bit into a cheese Danish.  
  
Hermione shook her head and flashed a grin at Harry, who returned her grin after a moment's hesitation. For the rest of the meal she listened to the boys talk about Quidditch and which tactics they were going to try that afternoon. As soon as she was done eating she excused herself to go and do homework.  
  
She went to the library silently coming up with a plan for that afternoon while pretending to be working on her Potion's essay. She sat tapping her quill to parchment for a half an hour before going to find Neville, deciding that Luna would be too out of it to help her with the plan she had made.  
  
Hermione found Neville in the Gryffindor Common room working furiously on his Transfiguration Essay. She went to his table and tapped him on his shoulder, causing him to jump into the air.  
  
"Sorry Neville, but can we talk?" Hermione asked sitting down.  
  
"Um… okay," Neville said looking nervous.  
  
"I need you to do something for me," Hermione said. "And you agree to do it, you don't have to do it, but if you do, you have to do it no matter what, not even if Merlin himself tries to stop you."  
  
Neville gulped visibly, "If it's so important, why don't you ask Harry or Ron? They're braver than I am."  
  
"Nonsense, you went with us last year and that's why I'm asking you," Hermione said. "Besides, its sort of about Harry and Ron."  
  
Neville blinked and said, "Okay, I'll do it."  
  
"Good, here's the plan."  
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AN: There was not enough reviews for me to go on.  
  
Remember... 10 reviews or a cliffie! 


	24. Requirements of Request

Chapter 24  
  
Requirements of Requests  
  
AN:  
  
HI! Another chapter up...  
  
I should really stop waiting until the last moment to update...  
  
I should also stop watching Charmed and write the ANs...  
  
I dont' own Harry Potter.  
  
Story now...  
  
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Harry and Ron were walking out of the school to go to the Quidditch Pitch when Harry suddenly turned around and said venomously to a painting of a forest landscape, "Phineas! Stop bloody following me around. You've been doing it for the past week! I'd be deaf if I couldn't hear you muttering about my stupidity and what not."  
  
Phineas Black, former headmaster of Hogwarts, sullenly came into the view of the painting as Ron watched on in amazement; "Yes well, you do seem to get yourself into big messes don't you? It's my job as former headmaster to make sure you don't drag any more people into your… adventures."  
  
"For your information, those adventures always seem to find me, I do not seek them out," Harry spat.  
  
"What about that last one in the Department of Mysteries? You got my Great-Grandson killed," the painting retorted.  
  
Harry shrank back defensibly, "I didn't."  
  
"Oh so you didn't go to the department of mysteries without checking with someone rather than a deranged house-elf who hated his master," Phineas asked angrily, mad that one of the only 'good' decedents he had was now dead and Black Manor was out of the Black's hands.  
  
"Oh and you've never made a mistake in your life?" Ron stepped in, finally over his shock of finding out a painting had been following them.  
  
"Of course I did, just none which resulted in the death of someone," the former Slytherin Headmaster said scornfully.   
  
"Where you in any situation like Harry's?" Ron demanded as Harry's eyes took on a haunted look.  
  
"No, I managed to stay out of those situations. The best action to protect is to prevent," Phineas said. "And I never was in a situation which caused the deaths of family, or near family in my decedent's case. Are you going to cause the deaths of those Muggles you are living with, next?"  
  
"Shut the hell up," Harry said quietly. "You don't know. You can't possibly know. Shut up."  
  
"So the Ickle-Boy-Who-Lived is throwing a temper tantrum now? Because someone is trying to prevent the deaths of the people around him?" Phineas taunted.  
  
"Leave me alone," Harry demanded. "If I catch you following me again I'm going to burn your portrait here leaving you stranded at Headquarters."  
  
"Like that scares me," Phineas puffed as Harry walked away, Ron following close behind.  
  
"Just ignore the git," Ron said to Harry as they entered the Gryffindor changing rooms. "He doesn't know anything."  
  
"He knew more than I did," Harry muttered darkly.  
  
"That doesn't mean he knows anything now," Ron said shrugging his Quidditch robes on. "You'd never put someone into danger voluntarily. Hell you tried to keep us here last year."  
  
"And you all got hurt," Harry reminded him. "Neville and I were the only ones who could walk away without help."  
  
"Urg," Ron said shivering at the memory. "I think my boggart would turn into brains with tentacles now. But still, considering we were a bunch of fifth and forth years taking on a good many more Death Eaters than us, we held our own."  
  
"At the price of my godfather's life," Harry said darkly.  
  
Ron stayed silent not knowing what to say.  
  
Meanwhile Phineas was walking through portraits until he reached the Room-of-Requirement where Dumbledore was about to have a meeting with that know-it-all Muggle-born girl. Annoying one that one, almost as annoying as his decedent's portrait that screamed at the slightest hint of noise. Didn't the bloody woman know that her shouting only caused more noise? Blood-traitors indeed… the people she was calling blood-traitors couldn't possibly be, do to the fact that they had always sided with muggle-rights-activists so they weren't going against family traditions. Traditional "Light" and "Dark" families didn't usually intermarry, which was why there were so few pureblood "light" wizards left. The dark families had eradicated most of the light families in the wars while the light families left the 'innocent' members of the dark families be.  
  
"Ah Phineas, what are you doing here?" asked the hundred-something Light pureblood wizard breaking the portrait from his thoughts. "Were you not on an errand for me?"  
  
"I believe he knows that I have been following him," Phineas said dryly showing as little respect for the current headmaster as possible.  
  
"And on what do you base your beliefs?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"He told me to stop following him," Phineas replied.  
  
"Ah yes," Dumbledore said not even trying to hide his chuckling. "That would be a sure sign that he knows you were following him. Did he say anything else besides that?"  
  
"Oh yes, he and I had a few words," Phineas snorted.  
  
"And what would these words be?" the headmaster asked.  
  
"Oh you know, the usual angry words between a Gryffindor teen and Slytherin Headmaster who believed said Gryffindor was responsible for his decedent's death," Thineas said airily then explained what happened.  
  
"You were supposed to watch him for signs fo depression, not press guilt onto him," Dumbledore sighed tiredly. "Now I must ask another portrait to follow him, but right now I have a meeting with Miss granger, who should entered the room in less than two minutes along with her friend Mr. Longbottom."  
  
"That's one thing that always bothered me about you, how can you possibly know these things?" Phineas demanded.  
  
"I'm well connected in a gossip chain," Dumbledore said his eyes twinkling brightly. "Just before you arrived, Violet told mea bout Miss granger leaving the Gryffindor Common room being followed by a disembodied foot."  
  
"And how did you jump to the conclusion that the foot belonged to the Longbottom boy?" Phineas asked.  
  
"Because Miss Granger addressed it as much when she realized that his foot was visible and shortly there after it appeared to have disappeared," Dumbledore grinned. "Now unless you would like to have a long tiring discussion with Miss Granger…"  
  
"I'm going," Phineas said and hid behind a forested scene on the wall to watch the meeting.  
  
"Ah, Miss Granger," Dumbledore said as the door opened.  
  
"Hello Professor," Hermione said cautiously.  
  
"Explimariumus!" a teenage boy's voice shouted from the wall from where Hermione stood in the doorway.  
  
Dumbledore allowed his wand to fly to the clumsy Gryffindor who stuttered, "H…Her… Hermione why did I just curse the headmaster?"  
  
"I believe it is because she does not believe that I am the headmaster, Mr. Longbottom," Dumbledore said. "Of course, if I were truly a Death Eater in disguise I would have not been alone, nor would I have failed to put up a shield as soon as you shouted the disarming curse. However Miss Granger, I am impressed that you have your wand concealed and one me while continuing to direct several large books over my head to drop and stun me long enough should I prove hostile towards you so you would be able to cast a curse on me. I believe this shows that you have great potential for wandless magic."  
  
"Then if you are truly the headmaster, you wouldn't mind me casting a paralyzing curse on you for an hour?"  
  
"AS long as you don't mind me napping for that hour, I'm afraid I was up later than was wise last night," the headmaster said.   
  
"Why aren't you afraid I might be a Death Eater who has impersonated Hermione Granger and tricked Neville?" Hermione demanded.  
  
"By the cloak that Mr. Longbottom is wearing, not many people have invisibility cloaks and I doubt Voldemort would waste one of his precious few on an essential suicide mission, and if you were a Death Eater you would have already cursed both me and Mr. Longbottom. Also you would have escaped as quickly as possible."  
  
"Perificus Toaltaus," Hermione whispered. "Neville, he already knows you're here, take off the cloak."  
  
Neville appeared looking sheepish and asked, "Now what?"  
  
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AN:  
  
Someone asked if I was writing this story for reviews or to write a good story...  
  
the answer is to write a good story, but I love to leave off with cliffhangers... so I figured I'd give my reviewers a break everytime I get ten or more reviews...  
  
Someone also asked about longer chapters, the answer to that is if they turn out long, great, but I WILL NOT FORCE LONGER CHAPTERS!  
  
I understand the fustration of short chapters, but I'd rather write good chapters than ones filled with nothing.  
  
Okay...   
  
REVIEW!!! 


	25. Developing Distrust

Chapter 25  
  
Developing Distrust  
  
AN: Hey! I got this up before ten at night!  
  
Go me!  
  
I don't own Harry Potter... but I might go see the third movie at midnight in my Graduation robes...  
  
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"Finite Incantum," Hermione said pointing her wand at the Headmaster. "Sorry, but I didn't want to take the risk. You picked an odd place for a meeting."  
  
"Here's your wand Headmaster," Neville said quietly handing over the Headmaster's wand.  
  
"Thank you Mr. Longbottom," Dumbledore said. "But now I must ask you to leave."  
  
"Um… alright," Neville said nervously.  
  
"Oh, and I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself, Miss Granger was not to speak of this meeting to anyone," Dumbledore added casually as Neville handed Hermione Harry's invisibility cloak and turned toward the door.  
  
"Yes sir," Neville said walking out of the door.  
  
"Miss Granger," Dumbledore said happily. "I am glad to see you taking precautions. Would you care for a lemon drop?"  
  
"No, thank you," Hermione said looking at the headmaster. "Why are we meeting in here?"  
  
"Ah, yes, it does seem peculiar does it not?" Dumbledore said smiling. "I chose this room do to its amazing adaptation abilities. At the moment it has a silencing charm, a notice-me-not charm, and several locking charms on the door, and I did not have to put one of them up. Also there is only one portrait in this room and even though he's spying on us, he will not speak of this meeting to anyone else. I'm afraid that my office has too many portraits and visitors streaming in and out for a proper private conversation to occur."  
  
Hermione nodded following the headmaster's line of thinking and though she heard a snort of disgust from the portrait of a forest. "Why are we meeting sir?"  
  
"Oh… just for this and that," Dumbledore said. "How are your friends?"  
  
"Fine," Hermione said warily.  
  
"And I hope your reintroduction into the school went well?" Dumbledore continued, taking a bag of lemon drops out of his pocket and popped a lemon drop into his mouth.  
  
"Yes," Hermione replied shortly realizing that the headmaster obviously wanted to play for a bit since none of the questions he was asking required that much privacy.  
  
"And how did the students react to you three being out with 'Chicken Pox'?" the headmaster inquired.  
  
"Disappointed," the Gryffindor said.  
  
"Why were they disappointed?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"They wanted us to be training in the Himalayas," Hermione replied dryly.  
  
"Ah, yes," Dumbledore said merrily. "I believe I heard that one. And there was one about Beautixbatons was there not?"  
  
"Yes sir," Hermione said.  
  
"And have you been invading Mr. Potter's privacy?" Dumbledore asked casually.  
  
Hermione started slightly and looked the headmaster and said, "Sir, I don't know what you're talking about. I am not invading Harry's privacy. Why did you bring me here to ask that?"  
  
"Miss granger, I believe you would make a fine Auror with a bit of training," Dumbledore said chuckling slightly. "Your friend Mr. Weasley would have answered before realizing that he had given away something he did not wish to."  
  
"I'm just cautious sir. Harry has enough to deal with without me being careless and ending up hurt or being used to lure him somewhere," Hermione said.  
  
"Caution is one of the greatest virtues an Auror may have," Dumbledore said sagely.  
  
"And hesitation from caution could be deadly for an Auror," Hermione replied.  
  
"You've also learned that," Dumbledore nodded to himself. "You've learned far too much for a sixth year student from accompanying Harry last year. Tell me, do you regret following him?"  
  
"No," Hermione responded automatically.  
  
"Even though you were hurt?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"No, he would have gone with or without me. He would have preferred without me. There was a possibility that if I didn't go then he would have gotten hurt instead of me," Hermione replied. "My regret is that I was unable to talk him out of going to the Department of Mysteries."  
  
"Miss Granger, you would do anything for Mr. Potter, am I correct?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"No sir," Hermione replied.  
  
"I'm wrong?" Dumbledore asked delighted.  
  
"I would do anything within reason for him, but that is all. I will not jump off a cliff because he desires me to. I will not sell my soul to save his life. I would die for him before betraying him, but that is because he is my friend. I do not worship him like Deatheaters worship Voldemort," Hermione explained.  
  
Dumbledore grinned, happy that Harry had such a friend at his side. "So I guess having him followed by House-elves at all times is reasonable then?"  
  
"It would depend on the circumstances," Hermione said.  
  
"Suppose it was to warn us if Death Eaters were attacking him," Dumbledore said having as much fun as when he has a conversation with the Potions Master when he's in an elusive mood.  
  
"No, guards at all of the entrances and exits of the building would be enough along with anti-appartration wards," Hermione said.  
  
"Then suppose it was to keep him from harming himself," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Then it would be acceptable," Hermione said. She looked at the headmaster; tired of the game they were playing. "Sir, I ordered House-elves, who I have been trying to free for the past couple of years, not to tell anyone of my plans. How did you find them out? House-elves follow orders of their masters and as a student of Hogwarts, they follow my orders as if I owned them."  
  
"Ah, yes," Dumbledore smiled. "Unfortunately for you, I gave them the same orders to watch Harry discretely in case he tries to do something. The house-elf I was speaking with said that they were already doing that and a free elf said that Harry Potter's miss gave the orders assuming it would be okay since I had given the same orders."  
  
"I'm going to strangle Dobby," Hermione muttered under her breath. "Sir, why are you having Harry followed?"  
  
"The same reason you are," the headmaster replied.  
  
"Humor me," Hermione demanded without respect.  
  
"I do not want Harry to try to kill himself again," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Harry," Hermione noted.  
  
"Yes, Harry," Dumbledore confirmed.  
  
"If you believe that Harry might try to kill himself AGAIN then that must mean you believe he has tried to kill himself before. Which means you don't believe Harry's story about Voldemort possessing him," Hermione said hotly. "And if you don't believe it, then why the hell are you letting him walk around as if nothing has happened? He obviously needs help but I can't give that to him. All I can do is watch and try to keep him from killing himself. I'm not a psychologist! Here I was thinking the only people who actually thought he is capable of attempted suicide was Professor Snape and me! There was no way I could go to him and ask him to help Harry. Snape hates Harry! I thought that if I came to you, you would just have given me a lemon drop and sent me on my way! WHY aren't you making Harry get counseling?!"  
  
"Because Miss Granger," the headmaster said. "I am still not certain that Mr. Potter is not telling the truth. Since the second day after he's awoken he's been acting as if he would have if Voldemort truly had possessed him to the teachers. And due to certain information that Harry and I share his story becomes more plausible. Why do you suspect he's tried to kill himself?"  
  
"Small things really, he's keeping his grades up and all that stuff Muggle guidance councilors look for, but he's been eating less, he looks a tad more tired than usual, and when he woke up he swore more in five minutes than Fred, George, and Ron put together. He was ranting about the wrong thing."  
  
"The wrong thing?" Dumbledore prompted.  
  
"He kept going on about how you didn't believe him when he should have been ranting about why he wouldn't kill himself. So even if Voldemort did possess Harry, Harry's been thinking about it."  
  
"Might I ask you how you know how to look for these things?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"My cousin tried to kill herself two years ago. I looked up everything I could find on the subject, but I didn't get to much before I joined the Weasleys' for the rest of the summer," Hermione explained.  
  
"Thank you," the headmaster said. "I believe Gryffindor Quidditch practice should be over about now, perhaps you should get back to your common room so Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley do not become suspicious."  
  
"All right sir," Hermione said putting the invisibility cloak into her bag. "I hope you become certain that Harry needs help soon, because I cannot do anything for him except be there, but he will not talk to me about that night. He won't talk to anyone about that night. I think he may be afraid of how we'll react."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind," the headmaster said as Hermione left the room.  
  
"Why isn't that girl in Slytherin?" Phineas asked after a minute of silence.  
  
"Because she has just recently acquired the ability to distrust anyone. Trust gets in the way of being ruthless when you have a kind heart," Dumbledore replied.  
  
"Are you saying Slytherins don't trust anyone?" Phineas demanded.  
  
"No, just most Slytherins have the ability to distrust anyone they choose," Dumbledore replied. "This is not necessarily a bad thing, after all, that is how Severus became a spy for the light. He was able to distrust the Dark Lord enough to find out the truth on his own."  
  
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AN: I had Hermione acting rather Slytherinish didn't I?  
  
And she was kind of out of character, swearing at the headmaster... HONESTLY!  
  
But maybe you can understand why...  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
(Threat of cliffie still in effect) 


	26. Slytherin Savior

Chapter 26  
  
Slytherin Savior  
  
AN: HI!  
  
I'm updating!  
  
I don't own Harry Potter and ect...  
  
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Harry reviewed his Potions notes, at a table in the corner of the Common Room, early in the morning two days before Halloween. He rubbed his eyes wearily, tired from the past few weeks of little sleep, and what sleep he had was a poor excuse for rest. He had not only been getting dreams about his family blaming him for their deaths, but after his conversation with Phineas, his childhood memories became nightmares as well.   
  
"No rest for the Wicked," he muttered under his breath while looking at the pH of Bugbear teeth. No rest evidently for the portraits that followed the wicked either, Harry had discovered two other portraits tailing him since Phineas, and was certain that one of the professors put them up to it, either Snape or Dumbledore since Phineas and the third portrait caught were both Slytherins. It had also been a more difficult task to keep Snape focused on his Hogwarts' memories before the beginning of that year. As far as Harry was concerned, the Ripper/Tree incident was more ammunition than Snape needed from his home-life.   
  
The Dursleys' were always reminding him about what a worthless freak he was, how many inanimate objects could accomplish more than he could, when he was at Four Privet Drive and now they were invading his dreams while at Hogwarts, as if Snape telling him about how inadequate his work was wasn't enough for the Dursleys' and they had found some way to invade his time away from Snape, how ever small amount that may be since the Occlumency lessons had resumed.  
  
Harry shook those thoughts from his head and tried to study for the Potions exam that would occur after breakfast that morning. It was what Snape called a reasonable review on antidotes but Harry considered it an entirely different level of antidotes where a mistake could cause anything from additional poisoning to the person who took the antidote to a small explosion, which could cause the destruction of anything within a five- foot radius.   
  
Determined not to fail this exam, Harry studied the different interactions between the ingredients on the list Snape gave the class saying that the poison they would be making would contain some of those ingredients, and the ingredients for the antidote would also be in that list. He looked at the effects of Moonflowers and Cobra venom and shivered slightly knowing the effects as if someone had coerced the House-elves to put Moonflower and Cobra venom extract into his pumpkin juice every night at supper.  
  
The effects of those particular two ingredients caused vivid nightmares to occur, acting much the same way a severe reaction to Dementors did, causing the person who ingested the elements to relive his worse memories. However the nightmares were less brutal than the severe reactions to Dementors since happiness was still possible in the beginning of the nightmares and the victim could be awoken without any of the lingering effects, such as feeling ill and empty, of Dementors, which meant that chocolate was not necessary in order to rid the dreadful feelings caused by the vile creatures.  
  
He was thinking of his last dream, which had roused him from his slumber when suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch and jump to his feet, his wand in his hand so fast he didn't remember taking it out of his pocket.  
  
"Its okay, its just me," Hermione said looking at him with concern. "I just wanted to get your attention. I've been calling your name for the past minute and you were just staring at your notes. I thought you had fallen asleep with your eyes open."  
  
"Oh, sorry," Harry said putting his wand back in his pocket and sitting back down. "You just startled me. What are you doing up at this time anyway?"  
  
"I could ask you the same thing," Hermione said way too cheerfully for that particular hour in the morning. "I wanted to go over my Potions notes for the exam this morning."  
  
"Why bother? You've had all of this stuff memorized by the end of forth year," Harry commented sourly, unhappy that Hermione had seen him over react to her touch.  
  
"If you're this put out over something so trivial you should go back to sleep for an hour until everyone else wakes up," Hermione said sitting down at Harry's table and opening her Potions notes. "It might do you some good to get some sleep."  
  
"I would if I could," Harry muttered under his breath and stared at his own notes.  
  
"What did you say?" Hermione asked looking at him carefully.  
  
"Nothing," Harry replied sharply, refusing to look up from his notes.  
  
"Alright," Hermione said unconvinced but knowing not to push the subject any more.  
  
They studied their notes in silence until Ron came down the stairs an hour an a half later looking at Harry in disbelief, "You're studying… in the morning."  
  
"Snape has an exam planned for class," Harry replied, still not looking up from his notes.  
  
"But why aren't you studying at breakfast like last year?" Ron asked.  
  
"Because there is too much damn information to cram into my brain right before class," Harry replied irritably.  
  
"Sheesh, lighten up mate, I'm just bugging you," Ron said defensively.  
  
"Sorry," Harry said quietly getting his materials together and stuffing them into his bag. "I didn't get much sleep last night."  
  
Hermione silently collected her things also, watching the interaction between her two best friends. She noticed that Harry refused to look directly at Ron, and realized that he didn't look at her directly that morning either except when he was about to curse her for putting her hand on his shoulder. She filed away the information for another day, unable to find any connections at that moment but realizing that it had to be important in some way.  
  
Breakfast was a rather uneventful event, Ron chattering about how the Cannons were having a comeback, only loosing by ten points in their last match, with Hermione reading and Harry making noncommittal sounds whenever Ron was expecting a reply. Harry and Hermione left a still talking Ron to go to Potions where they sat in front of the classroom, knowing that Snape would move them there if they did not sit there in the first place. He was more volatile than usual since they had returned to class and was insistent on taking it out on them by nitpicking their work constantly.  
  
Snape swept into the room, wrote a poison's effect's on the board and said, "Make the poison from the ingredients on the list I gave you with only the desired effects and the appropriate antidote. Hopefully some of you," he stared at Harry, "will not hopelessly botch this exam as you will be testing the potions on yourselves. The antidotes should be a violent shade of pink. Work alone."  
  
A thought sparked in Harry's mind, Snape thought he was absolutely hopeless at potions and if he caused the antidote to be off, he might be able… just maybe…  
  
He went to work, making the poison perfectly, making sure that he would be able to make it react foully with the 'antidote' he would be making for himself. He worked silently throughout the period while willing Snape to keep scrutinizing his poison and ignore his antidote whenever he passed the table.  
  
Finally there was only a few minutes left to class and Snape announced, "Everyone stop now. Measure 20 milliliters of your poison out and drink it. DO NOT drink the antidote until I have examined all of you."  
  
Everyone followed his directions and waited nervously as they became dizzy from the poison's effects. Snape sighed realizing no one had botched the poison and then announced, "30 milliliters of the antidote should reverse the effects."  
  
Snape looked at Potter's antidote as he was measuring it and looked at it surprised. It was a blood red color. "Accio Potter's Potion!" Snape said taking the potion out of Potter's hands just as he was about to consume it.  
  
"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing Potter? Miss Granger, give Potter some of you antidote," he snapped at the Gryffindors. Hermione handed the antidote to her friend who drank it reluctantly.  
  
Snape leaned in close to Potter scrutinizing, "You knew the potion was obviously the wrong color and yet you were going to drink it anyway. What were you trying to do? Kill yourself?"  
  
The look that flashed in Harry's eyes shook Snape greatly, that look that appeared only so briefly that only one who had seen it before would know it, it had said, 'Yes, I wanted to die.'  
  
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PLEASE review! I need reviews! 


	27. Arguements Now and Later

Chapter 27  
  
Arguements Now and Later  
  
AN:  
  
HI!  
  
School is basically over...  
  
I'm graduating on Thursday...  
  
I'm seeing the HP movie after I graduate...  
  
I have too much free time...  
  
I wrote this to pass the time while waiting for someone to offer me a job...  
  
I do not own Harry Potter, and lets face it, if I did they wouldn't be making Children's movies about it.  
  
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"Take a thirty milliliter sample of both of your potions and keep them in your bags for twenty-four hours in case you botched them. If you feel ill go to the Hospital Wing and give Madam Pomfrey your potions so she can decipher what you did wrong with them. Leave your cauldrons here; you are dismissed. Potter, stay after class," Snape announced to the class after standing straight from scrutinizing Potter.  
  
The class quickly collected their materials and left the room, except for the two Gryffindors.  
  
"Miss Granger I thought I said the class was dismissed," Snape said sharply.  
  
"Why are you holding Harry after class?" she demanded looking Snape straight in the eye causing Snape's temper to flame. Another Gryffindor who has enough gall to speak back to him before N.E.W.T.s!  
  
"That is none of you business Miss Granger," Snape said. "Five points from Gryffindor for failing to follow a professor's instructions. Now leave or it will be fifty."  
  
"Yes sir," Hermione said hollowly and exited the room, closing the door behind her.  
  
Snape once again cast locking and silencing charms on the door leaving Harry with a strong sense of deja-vu.  
  
"Potter, you've made your last mistake," Snape said quietly. "You were trying to kill yourself with that antidote."  
  
"No I wasn't sir," Harry denied as forcefully as he could make himself. "I was following your instructions."  
  
"Then why wasn't your potion pink Potter?" Snape snapped.  
  
"You did not give us instructions for either the potion or the antidote, sir," Harry said angrily. "I made it as best I could."  
  
"Then why drink such an obviously bad antidote?" Snape asked glaring at the Gryffindor boy.  
  
"If I didn't, sir," Harry said. "You would take points off of Gryffindor and give me a detention."  
  
Snape slammed his fist onto the table, "Is that worse than forfeiting your life? Where is your common sense? At least come up with a good lie!"  
  
"Why lie sir? I'm telling you the truth," Harry said his eyes blazing.  
  
"I'll believe that when the Dark Lord marries a Muggle," Snape said icily. "Potter why the hell are you trying to kill yourself when you damn well know that you are the only bleeding one who has any possible hope of defeating the Dark Lord?"  
  
The door opened, and Snape sighed knowing that there was only one person who would enter his dungeons even when they were locked.  
  
"Ah, Severus, I would like to speak to you," the headmaster said strolling into the room. "Harry, I believe you're late for your next class, run along."  
  
"Yes sir," Harry said gathering his things and leaving the room, grateful that he was able to escape the dungeons for the time being."  
  
Dumbledore was the one who locked the door after Harry left, insuring the privacy of the conversation about to commence.  
  
"What are you doing here headmaster?" Snape demanded furiously. "If it is something frivolous, I'm afraid I do not have the time since I seem to be the only one who isn't trying to see the world through rose tinted glasses!"  
  
"A Muggle metaphor… where did you hear that one?" Dumbledore said mischievously. "I wish to talk to my Potions Master, and you are he, so I believed it to be wise to be in the same room with my Potions Master if I were to talk to him."  
  
"Then what do you wish to speak to me about," Snape snapped. "I need to make sure Potter doesn't try to kill himself again."  
  
"Rest assured Severus, he will not try to kill himself any time within the next few hours," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Oh, what about the last hour?" Snape said sharply. He pointed to Harry's poison and antidote and to Hermione's beside his. "He just tried to consume an 'Antidote' that probably would have killed him. The antidote is supposed to be pink and he still tried to drink that blood red antidote anyway!"  
  
"How do you know it was not just a mistake?" Dumbledore asked seriously.  
  
"He made the poison perfectly Headmaster," the Potions Master admitted. "The poison was the hard part of the exam, the antidote was fairly simple, and something a fourth year could make with minimal instructions."  
  
"But were there any instructions?" the headmaster asked.  
  
"Define instructions," Snape said sullenly knowing exactly what Dumbledore meant. "Did I give them a recipe; no. Did I give the class the list before hand to study the properties of the ingredients so they might know how to counteract them; yes. That is what I am to teach them is it not?"  
  
"Then how do you know that young Harry merely did not come up with another antidote for the poison?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Because, there was only one possible way to create the antidote from the ingredients I had on the list," Snape said annoyed.  
  
"Then what about Harry merely making a mistake?" the headmaster continued to question the headmaster.  
  
"Because I saw the look in his eyes!" Snape exclaimed. "The boy's bleeding eyes were so hollow it looked as if a Dementor had taken his soul! The only reason that boy is alive is because he cannot will his heart to stop."  
  
"Are you sure you aren't just over reacting?" Dumbledore wondered. "Perhaps you should test his potion before accusing him of trying to commit suicide."  
  
"I will do that but you won't believe me if I tell you the truth. And its going to end up killing us all. Watch your 'Golden Boy' before he becomes 'The-Boy-Who-Died,'" Snape swept into his office, through a secret passage he normally ignored so students wouldn't suspect of its existence, with Harry's blood red potion leaving the headmaster alone in the dungeon with several cauldrons of still steaming potion.  
  
Snape put the antidote down on his worktable and started to collect several things from the shelves lining his walls. He worked through his free period and lunch before he came to the same conclusion he had when he first saw the potion. While having components of the antidote in it, two ingredients were substituted causing the antidote to be lethal when mixed with the poison it was supposed to neutralize, but in such a way a person examining the poisoned would not be able to tell that death was about to swing his scythe.  
  
As Snape walked back to his dungeons twenty minutes before his next class to categorize the potions still in their cauldrons left by his sixth year N.E.W.T.s class he vowed he would get Potter to confess that he was trying to kill himself that night during his Occlumency lesson.  
  
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AN:  
  
Please review!  
  
I was nice and updated REALLY fast.  
  
Well... not really fast... but I updated before I promised to.  
  
And the next chapter WILL be out on Sunday... but i do not promise an update for next wensday.  
  
I have a question...  
  
Does anyone hope that JK will make Harry and Hermione get together just so the people who make the movies will have to figure out how to explain away Ron and Hermione holding hands in the third movie when they didn't in the third book?  
  
I want H & H to get together anyway... but that's another story... which by the way will not effect this story... I'm just going off on a tangent.  
  
Oh... and when I eventually go back to reload all of the chapters without typos {groans at all the typos she posted} I'll fix McGonagall's name... Thanks for pointing that out! 


	28. Dueling and Dursleys

Chapter 28  
  
Dueling and Durselys  
  
AN:  
  
Sorry that I didn't update yesterday...  
  
I was kidnapped by my family, who happen not to have the internet...  
  
But to make up for it... this chapter is the longest one yet!  
  
I don't own Harry Potter.  
  
You should know that by now...  
  
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Harry shook himself after flinching for the third time that day; clearly lack of sleep and his nightmares were destroying the restraints he had placed on his reflexes throughout the years.  
  
"Are you alright Harry?" Hermione asked him apparently seeing his reaction when Ron placed his hand on Harry's shoulder to keep from falling, after slipping in the soup Neville had dropped just before the trio arrived.  
  
"Sorry about that Ron," Neville said to the redhead.  
  
"I'm fine," Harry said to Hermione.   
  
"Are you sure? You seem jumpy today," Hermione persisted.  
  
"Snape's frayed my nerves is all," Harry said quietly. "By the way, thanks for siccing Dumbledore on him."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked loftily.  
  
"Dumbledore miraculously showed up before Snape could take off too many points from Gryffindor after you were forced out of the room by Snape," Harry replied.  
  
"I wanted to keep sanity in the school is all… It looked as if you couldn't stand to be in Snape's presence for much longer, not that I could blame you," Hermione said.  
  
"So you think I would have broken down or something?" Harry demanded.  
  
"No," Hermione answered swiftly. "I was afraid you'd curse Snape and end up expelled."  
  
Harry stared at Hermione for a moment trying to figure out if she was lying and finally uttered, "Sorry."  
  
Hermione nodded her head, acknowledging the apology and continued to eat her shepherd's pie in silence.  
  
Harry stared at his food pushing it around with his fork, not hungry at all, and suppressed a yawn. He was starting to wish they severed coffee with meals so he could wake up enough to get through Neville's tutoring session and his Occlumency torture.  
  
He stood up a few minutes later without eating anything and started off.  
  
"Hey Harry, where are you going?" Ron asked as he walked away from the Gryffindor Table.  
  
"Kitchens," Harry replied shortly.  
  
"Why are you going to the kitchens now?" Ron asked confused.  
  
"I've got to ask the House-elves something," Harry told his friend and started to walk away again.  
  
"Now I'd expect that form you Hermione, but what is he going to ask the House-elves?" Harry heard Ron say before he was out of earshot.  
  
Harry walked through the halls to the kitchen corridor, cursing himself for not thinking of getting coffee sooner. He tickled the pear and entered the kitchen, full of busy House-elves scrubbing dishes, refilling pumpkin juice jugs, and taking deserts out of the ovens and cooling boxes.  
  
A House-elf that was washing dishes rushed over to him and asked, "Does sir wants something?"  
  
"May I have some coffee?" Harry asked.  
  
"Certainlies sir!" the small creature squeaked and ran off to a corner where sever coffee machines were lined up and full of coffee. The elf poured a large coffee and rushed it back to Harry. "Woulds sir like cream and sugar withs his coffee?"  
  
Harry took a sip of the black coffee and nodded, wincing at the bitter taste.  
  
The house-elf quickly produced some cream and sugar to sweeten Harry's coffee, and Harry put liberal amounts of sugar and cream into the steaming liquid.  
  
Harry took another sip and said, "Thanks," after being able to stand the bitter drink.  
  
"You is being most welcome sir!" the house-elf said excitingly. "Woulds you be needing anything else sir?"  
  
"No thanks, I'll just drink this and be on my way," Harry told the elf after taking another sip of the vitalizing drink.  
  
He glanced at his watch and drank the hot liquid as fast as possible so he could get to the Room of Requirement before Neville showed up, otherwise it would be more difficult to manipulate the room into a good dueling environment.  
  
Harry rushed to the room and managed to open the door just as Neville walked around the corner.  
  
"What are we doing today?" Neville asked as he looked around and noticed that the room was vastly more cushioned that day than previous tutoring sessions.  
  
"You've improved your aim a lot so I think we should try to duel with each other and see how you fair," Harry said walking into the middle of the padded floor.  
  
"Wha… what?" Neville stuttered starring at Harry.  
  
"Dueling, you, me," Harry said. "We're having our Dueling exams in tow weeks. So you have to actually try to duel someone besides Seamus before then. Seamus wasn't in D.A. last year and doesn't know a lot of spells that you do. It will be good for you to duel with someone who knows at least as many curses as you."  
  
"But does it have to be with you?" Neville asked miserably walking into the center of the room facing Harry.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" Harry asked grinning, slightly wired from the caffeine starting to send blessed energy through his veins.  
  
"You have top marks in N.E.W.T. level Defense Against the Dark Arts," Neville replied.  
  
"Well at least we know you won't be able to do any worse," Harry said.  
  
"That's reassuring," Neville grumbled.  
  
"Stop stalling and bow," Harry said bowing to his friend.  
  
Neville bowed and the two boys straightened and stared at each other, wands aimed at the other's chest.  
  
"Explimarimus!" Neville finally shouted.  
  
Harry dodged the beam of light which hurtled towards him and called out to Neville, "Use your force of mind to send the spell! Whisper or say the spell quietly. It might not have as much impact but your opponent won't know how to counter it!" He demonstrated his point by whispering the curse he shot at Neville who frantically ran out of the way.  
  
They continued like that for a half an hour, exchanging curses and Harry spouting out pointers to Neville while aiming curse towards the boy that would distract him but not force his wand from his hand.  
  
They finally stopped, both panting and sitting on the cushioned floor in exhaustion.  
  
"Next time I'll send some more violent curses at you," Harry warned the round-faced-boy. "I think you can handle it."  
  
"Thanks… I think…" Neville said uncertainly.  
  
Harry looked at his watch and cursed.  
  
"What's wrong?" Neville asked.  
  
"I have to go, I have extra lessons with Snape in ten minutes," Harry said standing up.  
  
Neville shuddered at the idea and only said, "Better you than me, mate."  
  
"Gee… thanks," Harry said sardonically walking out of the room and towards the dungeons. He knocked on the door where his Occlumency lessons took place.  
  
"Enter Potter," Snape's could voice penetrated the sound barrier of the thick wooden door.  
  
Harry walked into the room feeling highly more apprehensive than usual. He looked at Snape who was examining him coldly from his seat at his desk where stacks of essays were apparently being graded. He stood up and stalked in front of his desk where he barked, "Wand out Potter. I don't have time for you to waste by standing there like the idiot you are. I, unlike you, would like to get my work done properly and on time so that I don't have to worry about it ten minutes before its due."  
  
Harry bit back a retort he dearly wanted to say as he took out his wand.  
  
"Legimens!" Snape shouted no sooner than he saw Harry's wand out of his cloak.  
  
Images of the Chamber of Secrets started to flash through both Snape's and Harry's mind, the large statues of snakes, Salazar Slytherin and the stone floor where Ginny was not moving and Riddle's taunts floated in and out of their heads, "Silly girl," "My new target has been YOU." "You'll be with your Mudblood mother soon enough…"  
  
"SCUTUM!" Harry shouted creating a simple shield around him, but one strong enough to break the connection the Legimens curse had produced.  
  
"Potter, you cannot always rely on your wand!" Snape snapped at the boy. "What if you are disarmed? Or what if you drop your wand somewhere? I believe that has happened before… Put it away now."  
  
"You were the one who told me to take it out in the first place," Harry muttered under his breath putting his wand back into his cloak.  
  
"What was that Potter?" Snape asked dangerously peering at his student through narrowed eyes.  
  
"Nothing sir," Harry replied coldly.  
  
"Legimens!" Snape returned.  
  
Harry was being led by McGonagall to meet Wood…  
  
Then he was being waiting in line to be sorted, terrified that he was not a wizard and it was just a mistake and the hat would tell him to get back on the train and back to the Dursley's….  
  
He was then meeting Malfoy for the first time in Madam Milkin's shop…  
  
"STOP!" Harry shouted breaking the connection. He realized that the coffee had worn off and left him more tired than before, making it harder than usual to keep Snape in the limits Harry had set. He definitely didn't want Snape to see his memories before Hogwarts... Maybe he shouldn't have dueled with Neville and gotten so tired.  
  
"What's the matter Potter? Don't want me to see a civilized conversation between you and Mr. Malfoy do you?" Snape mocked asked. "I'm only putting in the minimum amount of power into this curse and as sure as hell the Dark Lord is going to put in everything he has into searching your memories. Lets see what's been going on in your brain in the past couple of months shall we? With a bit more power…"  
  
"Shit…" Harry muttered putting as many blocks on the past three months as he could but not reinforcing the ones that led to his childhood memories.  
  
"Legimens!" Snape said somewhat vindictively.  
  
Harry saw Sirius fall through the veil once again and he repelled Snape away from the most recent parts of his memory. However he pushed Snape too far back and they ended up in Harry's childhood memories, another place Harry didn't want Snape to be but he was too exhausted to push him out of his head.  
  
"No!! Not Harry! Please!" a woman's cry was heard in the dark.  
  
Then the memories skipped a year and a half ahead where a three-year-old Harry was sitting on his mattress in the cupboard holding his left harm close to his chest and sniffling.  
  
The memories skimmed through days in the cupboard and several slaps here and there before a memory containing a six-year-old Harry was played out in its entirety. Young Harry was standing quietly by the kitchen table where his aunt and uncle were sitting, reading the note his teacher sent home saying that he had turned his teacher's hair blue after the teacher said he would have lunch detention because he was throwing paper around the room… (it was in fact Dudley who threw paper about the room and blamed Harry for it.)  
  
Uncle Vernon stood up, face purple with rage, "SO! SO!" he breathed angrily. "You're doing your freak stuff in public now!??"  
  
"N… No… Uncle Vernon," young Harry whispered.  
  
Vernon hit Harry across the mouth, "Don't you lie to me boy!" He then went on a rant about how good he was to keep a freak like Harry under his roof, accenting his points with punches to Harry's torso, and lasting at least a half an hour. Finally Vernon stopped, picked Harry up by the scruff of his neck and threw him into the cupboard.  
  
"You're not to leave that cupboard unless Petunia has some chores for you! AND not a word to anyone about this or your life will be even more miserable! Can't let the neighbors seeing your bruised face… the least your freakiness could do is hide them," Vernon bellowed at Harry through the locked door.  
  
Young Harry cried softly, cradling his ribs and touching his bruising jaw softly. Uncle Vernon had never been that bad before… he could barely move…  
  
Present Harry was on his hands and knees whispering, "No… no… please stop… I can't stop it…"  
  
Snape was too shocked to hear him.  
  
They continued their journey through Harry's childhood, more beatings, being locked in the cupboard without food, and lies to neighbors about where Harry had disappeared to… all the while Harry was becoming more and more panicked until finally, after a memory of a particularly bad beating he had enough adrenaline to kick Snape out of his head.  
  
Snape stared at Harry in shocked silence.  
  
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AN:  
  
Review please! 


	29. Confessions of Childhood

Chapter 29  
  
Confessions of Childhood  
  
AN:  
  
I don't own HP  
  
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Harry got to his feet shaking, facing Snape. He turned and started out of the room but was stopped by Snape saying, "Impedimenta!"  
  
Once the spell wore off Harry faced Snape who was still staring at him in disbelief, "Potter, were you editing your thoughts trying to get sympathy from me so that I would go easier on you during your lessons? If so, you were sorely mistaken."  
  
Harry stared at his professor, "Why the hell would I expect sympathy from you? You are a heartless bastard that invades my private life and takes pleasure in embarrassing me! You're just trying to make yourself feel better because you know that I'm nowhere good enough in Occlumency to edit my thoughts."  
  
"That's not what you thought my childhood was like was it? No… I'm Perfect Potter, Spoiled Potter, Rich Potter, Trouble-Freaking-Making Potter!" Harry screamed at Snape, tears glistening in his eyes. "Did that look like pampering to you? Did it look like I was being spoiled rotten? Did it look like I was encouraged to be lazy? Or did it look a little too much like your own childhood for comfort? YES! I know because I saw your memories last year! You went through the same damn thing I did and still you didn't see that I wasn't anywhere NEAR spoiled?  
  
"Or maybe your childhood wasn't as bad… Were my beatings similar to yours? Could you move after them? Did you suffer all the more because just upstairs there was a boy who was your relative, your damned cousin, who was being pampered and spoiled by the same people who pronounced you as a worthless freak who should have died with his parents?  
  
"Were you punished for _good _grades because you had somehow used your abnormalities to switch test papers with your cousin? Were you beaten for running from your bully of a cousin causing him to trip on stones and scrape up his knees when he tried to catch you for more 'fun'? Was the only childhood game you were aloud to play called 'Harry-Hunting?' Was your first friendship to someone that asked to see your scar among the first things he asked you? Did your cousin make your school life just as miserable as your home life because it made his parents proud?  
  
"Did anyone try to help you? Because as sure as hell, no one tried to help me. Would you like to know why Professor Snape?" Harry asked angrily glaring at the teacher. "Because they had money and time to spend on me. Oh not on anything trivial, like food, clothes, or medical attention, but enough to pay off certain people who just might suspect… And enough time with clever lies as '_He's sick_,' _'He ran away_,' or a favorite of theirs, _'He's being detained at a detention center because he stole something._'  
  
"Oh I usually did steal something of great importance Professor," Harry admitted bitterly. "Like air from the home or water… Heaven forbid if I ate when they didn't give me permission!  
  
"They locked me in the cupboard until my bruises faded and I would be presentable in public. Tell me Professor, were you so blinded by hatred of my father that you couldn't see that my childhood was nothing like his? Or did you just not give a damn?  
  
"Are you happy now that you've seen Prince Potter beaten and belittled? Now you know everything! And as usual, you're going to use it to hurt me even more, don't worry… I can take it… you can't be worse than _him_," Harry finished coldly, all of the heat from his anger vanishing, and ran out of the door leaving Snape staring at the spot where he made his little speech.  
  
Harry ran through the hallways, going towards the Room of Requirement before he stopped on the second floor, realizing that someone would look for him there if they knew he had just left the dungeons in such a fury, probably the Headmaster, and he didn't want to be around him just then, he was bound to ask uncomfortable questions.  
  
He wracked his brain for a few moments before turning around in the other direction and going to the charms corridor where the passageway to Honeydukes was found. He made it to the humpback witch without anyone seeing him, a miracle by Hogwarts standards when Peeves, Filch, Mrs. Norris, and Snape had the unpleasant habit of finding you precisely when you didn't want to be found.  
  
He opened the passage way and ran halfway through it before slumping to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, and rocking back and forth like he did when he was small and locked in the cupboard for something or other without realizing that tears were running down his face.  
  
He was worthless, he couldn't do anything right. He couldn't keep his horrendous childhood from his most hated teacher when he kept it from everyone else, including Dumbledore and everyone knew how damned hard it was to keep a secret from that man. Merlin knew Snape was going to have a field day with that. And not only that! He had to throw away the one damned chance he had at denying his shame. He let his anger get the better of him… again… that's what killed Sirius.  
  
Harry choked back a sob as a fresh wave of sorrow and guilt washed into his mind. It was his fault Sirius was dead, the only one who could have possibly understood, what with his mum like she was as a portrait he had to know what it felt like to grow up without any love or support. Hell… he might even know what it was like to experience pain inflicted by his relatives, even though Harry sincerely hoped not, Sirius had enough to deal with after Harry caused him to go to Azkaban because his parents were killed because Voldemort wanted Harry dead so that he wouldn't be a threat to his dark reign in the future.  
  
Pain wracked Harry's soul, grieving at what he had done. It was his fault that the Wizarding world was at war again; his fault that people were dieing; his fault that people were suffering.   
  
_ The Dursleys were right… He was a worthless freak that couldn't do anything right and didn't deserve to live,_ Harry thought as he fell into an exhausted sleep in the cold and dank passage way.  
  
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AN: PLEASE don't kill me...  
  
I know we all want to see Snape's response....  
  
its in the next chapter... grins evilly  
  
review... pretty please?????  
  
I promise that the next chapter is longer! The first sentance is 62 words long! 


	30. Flying Pieces of Parchment

Chapter 30  
  
Flying Pieces of Parchment  
  
AN:  
  
Okay... oops...  
  
this chapter is about thirty words shorter, but i've been busy.  
  
I don't own HP and ect.  
  
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Severus Snape, head of the Slytherin House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, spy for the Order of the Phoenix, and quite possibly the most perceptive man in the whole damned castle next to Albus Dumbledore himself, was stunned by what he had just witnessed, a feat not easily done considering the things he had seen and done in the past.  
  
Snape shook himself out of his shocked state and stalked to his office, once again using the seldom used secret passage, and threw some powder into the fire saying "Lupin" much like he had done a few years before during a confrontation with Potter.  
  
"You have a habit of doing this don't you?" Lupin asked mildly coming out of the fire and dusting off his robes.  
  
"Do you have that bloody map of Hogwarts? Potter left my classroom in emotional distress after a couple of bad memories," Snape sneered, unable to break habits.  
  
"Accio Marauder's Map!" Remus said pulling out his wand. "Why didn't you just stop him from leaving in the first place Severus? That's what you'd normally have done."  
  
"I trust you will be able to find Potter by yourself? I need to speak to the Headmaster," Snape said stalking out of the room avoiding answering Lupin's question. He stalked down the hallway as menacingly as possible but had to duck out of the way of a flying piece of parchment causing his robes to stop billowing behind him for a moment.  
  
He made his way up to the headmaster's office without taking any points off of Gryffindor, even though he had past a group of second year Gryffindors in one of the corridors.  
  
"Cocoa Puffs," Snape sneered at the stupid gargoyle that jumped away from the stairway to the headmaster's office. Snape talked into the Headmaster's office without knocking, "Headmaster, I need to speak to you… now."  
  
Dumbledore looked up from the letter he was scripting and said, "Indeed? May I ask what about my boy?"  
  
"How did you decide that Potter's _relatives_ were fit to take him in?" Snape demanded.  
  
Dumbledore stared intently at his Potions Master before deciding to grace his question with an answer," The Dursleys seemed like suitable guardians when I put Harry into their care fifteen years ago. They were financially well off and gave their son great amounts of affection, they were spoiling him horribly to be perfectly honest, and neither of them had showed any signs of abusive behavior towards their child. However Mr. Vernon Dursley did yell at his inferiors at his place of work often. There was also the benefit of the close blood connection between Petunia and Harry, which allows me to put up Blood-Protection wards around the Dursley's home as long as Harry's permanent residence is with the Dursleys."  
  
"So, you made them his guardians for the boy's _protection_?" Snape sneered openly at the Headmaster.  
  
"Yes," the headmaster peered at the former Deatheater. "Although Lord Voldemort was neutralized for the time being, there were several Deatheaters who would have loved to kill their master's downfall. You should know this Severus. Is there are reason you are bringing it up now?"  
  
"No, I just felt like chatting," Snape said sarcastically. "Of course there is a reason. You put The-Bloody-Boy-Who-Lived in the care of his relatives for his own _protection_. You put Potter in their care basing their acceptability as guardians with other Muggles and didn't take into consideration their prejudice against the Wizarding world as a whole. Did you not remember how much Lily complained that her sister was completely against her being a witch? Damn it Albus, if we were living in the fourteenth century they would have tied Potter to the stake the moment they laid their eyes on him, never mind that he was only a year old at the time, and then they would have had their own year old son throw the torch onto the wood stacked around the stake!  
  
"They forced him to live in a cupboard for ten years and physically abused him, and we both know that I do not use that term lightly, nor do I misunderstand the definition. How did you not know that was happening to the most famous wizard besides yourself and the Dark Lord?" Snape demanded of the old man.  
  
"Are you certain Severus?" Dumbledore asked wearily.  
  
"I'll summit the proper memories…" Snape started but was interrupted by a certain werewolf flinging open the door.  
  
"Harry's not in Hogwarts," Remus gasped out.  
  
"What?" both Dumbledore and Snape demanded sharply.  
  
"He is not in Hogwarts. I've checked the map," the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor waved some parchment for emphasis. "He is not within school property."  
  
"Damn Merlin to all the bloody levels of hell however many there may be," Snape muttered under his breath. "I didn't think he was that bloody upset."  
  
"What the hell did you do to him?" Remus demanded rounding up to give the man a good punch in the nose.  
  
"Stop acting like that impulsive dead bloodhound," Snape snapped. "I found some disturbing memories in his mind when tutoring him in Occlumency and it caused him mental anguish."  
  
"Stop it now, both of you," the headmaster said standing up and taking charge. "Severus, please tell Hagrid to patrol the western part of the Forbidden Forest and you will patrol the eastern part. Remus, I would like you to check all of the places that may or may not be shown on the map, including the room of requirement, as I'm quite certain that its enchantments may allow it to be unplotable at times as well."  
  
"And what will you do Headmaster?" Snape sneered. "Sit on your bum while we do the work?"  
  
Remus looked at the Potion's master in slight shock, he usually showed respect to the old man.  
  
"No, I will go down to the kitchens," Dumbledore replied walking out from behind his desk.  
  
"The kitchens? What you think now is a good time for cake? Potter could be trying to kill himself again… oh wait… you don't believe that either," Snape said stalking out of the room in disgust.  
  
Remus followed him out of the room, more anxious to find Harry than to ask the Headmaster why Snape was so disgruntled.  
  
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AN:  
  
Please REVIEW!  
  
I loved all of my reviews!  
  
Oh yeah... I almost always update on Sundays... unless I get kidnapped by my family or the computer gets kidnapped instead... which is hardly ever. 


	31. Stiff Limbs

Stiff Limbs  
  
AN:  
  
Hi... Its still before midnight...  
  
I don't own HP... never did, probably never will...  
  
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Harry reluctantly opened up his eyes and lifted his head as something poked him and said in a squeaky voice, "Harry Potter must wake up sir. Hogwarts is looking for Harry Potter. They is being worried about you sir."  
  
"Who's they?" Harry asked irritably.  
  
"They is being the Professors Dumbledore and Lupin, they is looking everywhere with Professors Snape and Hagrid sir," the house elf replied. "Professor Snape is saying that you is running off most quickly after you is having a lesson with him."  
  
"They can all go to hell," Harry muttered causing the little creature to gasp in horror.  
  
"Harry Potter isn't meaning that is Sir?" the elf asked frightfully.  
  
"Yes, Harry Potter is meaning that," Harry mocked the elf angrily. "Go the hell away and don't tell anyone I'm here or I'll trick Dumbledore into giving you clothes."  
  
"Dobby is always saying hows Harry Potter is kind… I is thinking Dobby hit himself on the head too many times when he was working for the Malfoys," the poor elf said bursting into tears and popping into thin air.  
  
Harry blinked at the House-elf's comments and wondered somewhere in the far back of his mind if Hermione's SPEW campaign wasn't working a bit. He had never heard an elf say something that implied he disliked what a human had said or done before, with the exception of Hermione wanting to free them just so they could be free.   
  
He groaned and put his head back on his knees, regretting being short with the little creature. More pain he inflicted upon the world, but this one he could make right, he could visit the kitchens later and apologize to the house-elf.   
  
He started to drift off towards sleep again, the short nap he took was not enough to stave off his exhaustion, but jerked his head up, still hugging his knees, and stared forward, not wanting another nightmare to visit him like the one that had haunted him. Snape had gone directly to Rita Skeeter to tell her what he had saw in Harry's memories, and of course, she wrote an article with detailed descriptions of what occurred, connecting them to his disappearance at the school in the beginning of the year, and explained how it was his own fault for being beaten. He wanted attention even before he knew he was famous, she would say, he put a violence curse on Vernon causing him to hit him, and causing Vernon to pay more attention to him than to his own son. Everyone in the Great Hall would read the article and agree… Slytherins would get on their knees asking to be beaten, Hufflepuffs once again accused him of killing Cedric, Ravenclaws would ignore him, and all of the Gryffindors, including his friends would look upon him in disgust, their hero beaten as a child was something unheard of. But one good thing came out of that dream… Neville said that he would defeat the dark lord because he wouldn't want attention; he would be able to kill the dark lord without first being subjected to horrible torture.  
  
Harry realized he was sobbing again and angrily wiped the tears away, cursing the shields that he had built over the years, which crumbled to dust as soon as one person found out his darkest secret.  
  
Once he had calmed down he wondered why they had sent a house elf after him, then thought sourly that Snape must have convinced Dumbledore that he was going to do something to himself. And then realized Snape surely would have told Dumbledore about his memories.  
  
He started to hit his head against his knees in frustration. That day was just getting better and better… He really didn't want to be interrogated by Dumbledore that night… or ever in fact. That man had an annoying habit of finding out things he shouldn't know.  
  
Maybe if he could get back to the common room he could pretend he hadn't run off and Snape was just trying to get him in more trouble, Merlin knew he tried to get him expelled or punished often enough for stupid things, like being the first one at a crime scene… maybe Dumbledore would believe it…  
  
Harry stood up stiffly due to the cold that had penetrated into his bones. "Damn it," he whispered to himself rubbing his hands across his arms. "Why the hell did I have to go to one of the coldest damn places next to the Antarctic Circle to hide?"  
  
He slowly walked back to the passageway brooding in his dark thoughts and pondering how to do a memory charm thinking he might be able to erase those particular memories from Snape's mind before he showed Dumbledore. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that when he emerged from the Humpbacked witch he walked straight into someone standing at the statue with his wand out in the middle of saying Dissidium.  
  
"Harry! Where the hell have you been?" Lupin yelled keeping him from falling backward by grabbing his shoulders. "What the hell happened during your Occlumency lesson?"  
  
Harry winced, not only at being yelled at, but also it was eerily familiar to when his uncle would shake him when not answering properly, and he was caught coming out of a passageway that went only to Honeydukes, which was in Hogsmeade.  
  
"I was in the passage that's all, I didn't go to Honeydukes or anything, I just wanted to be alone," Harry replied quietly.  
  
"You weren't on the map! I thought you were kidnapped! Why couldn't you go to a normal place to be alone, like the Room of Requirement? Or Binn's classroom?" Lupin asked. "Do you know how worried I was about you? You do know that Death Eaters have been snooping around here! It's been in the paper and Dumbledore's even mentioned it to the students! How could you be so stupid to leave Hogwarts' grounds?"  
  
"I'm sorry," Harry replied softly flinching at the volume of his professor's voice and cursing Snape for making those memories resurface in full force so that he couldn't even be yelled at by his concerned professor without flinching.  
  
"Why did you run out of Snape's office anyway?" Remus asked calming down and finally taking his hands off of Harry's shoulders.  
  
"Didn't he tell you?" Harry asked disbelievingly.  
  
"There wasn't precisely time," Remus said sharply. "We had to look for you."  
  
"I'm sorry," Harry said once again.  
  
"I'm supposed to take you to the Headmaster's office as soon as I found you," Professor Lupin said ignoring Harry's apology. "I can contact Snape, Hagrid, and Dumbledore from there to tell them that you're safe. Come along."  
  
Harry followed Remus miserably, his last hope of keeping his secret dashed into pieces.  
  
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AN:  
  
Please remember to review! 


	32. Silent Concealment

**Chapter 32**  
  
Silent Concealment  
  
_AN:  
  
I don't own HP.  
  
Enough said.  
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Harry fidgeted uncomfortably in the cushioned seat in front of the Headmaster's desk with Fawkes looking at him curiously.  
  
"Do I really have to be here?" Harry asked his defense Professor who was examining some of the new gadgets Dumbledore must have gotten after Harry had purged his office of some expensive and rare items. "Can't you just give me detention for a month and leave me alone?"  
  
"I'm afraid not," Remus said smiling slightly and then explained. "The Headmaster said that he wanted to speak with you about your latest Occlumency lesson. Snape said you ran out of his room upset. What happened?"  
  
"Its none of your damned business," Harry snapped defensively. "Its just a bloody misunderstanding."  
  
"Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind waiting until you sort out this misunderstanding," Remus replied logically.  
  
Harry glared at the defense professor and muttered under his breath, "Snape's an evil git and Dumbledore insists on torturing students by employing him. That's the misunderstanding."  
  
"What's a misunderstanding?" Dumbledore asked opening the door to his office and walking to his seat behind his large desk with Snape behind him, leaning on the wall behind the desk.  
  
"What's SNAPE doing here?" Harry demanded jumping to his feet and pointing accusingly at the Potions Master.  
  
"Professor Snape, Harry," the headmaster reminded his often forgetful Gryffindor student.  
  
"Fine then, what's PROFESSOR Snape doing here? I thought you wanted to talk to me because I accidentally went too far in a passageway and out of range of a certain map," Harry said heatedly.  
  
"I'm afraid that isn't all I wanted to talk about Harry," Dumbledore said folding his hands in front of him and looking at the teenager sadly after motioning the boy to sit back down. "Professor Snape discovered something peculiar when tutoring you this evening."  
  
"Does Professor Lupin have to be here?" Harry asked quickly, shooting a slightly panicked look towards his father's friend as he sat down on the normally comfortable chair which currently felt like concrete.  
  
The man in question looked at the boy in shock, confused at why Harry wouldn't want him in the room.   
  
"I think it would be beneficial to have him here," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Beneficial how? Killing two birds with one bleeding 0stone? Telling him something you only suspect while you interrogate me to learn the truth? Just to save you some precious time which you can use to eat damned lemon drops?" Harry demanded standing back up.  
  
"Potter, sit back down now. You will show respect to the Headmaster and this school by not swearing. Ten points from Gryffindor," Snape snapped at the boy as ill at ease with the situation as Harry was. Not only did this situation remind him uncomfortably when the Headmaster found out his own secret but he was not particularly happy with the man at the moment at any rate.  
  
"And I don't know why Professor Snape has to be here either," Harry continued only acknowledging Snape's rebuke by starting on the reasoning for his presence in the headmaster's office when Dumbledore was obviously going to ask some sensitive questions. "You bloody well know that he hates my guts, he's just going to gloat at the mere possibility of what him saying being true and you acting on it."  
  
"Potter…" Snape started but silenced when the old wizard held up a hand.  
  
"Mr. Potter, please sit down," Dumbledore said, his voice clearly showing that it was an order and not a request as the wording might have suggested. Harry sat down sullenly. "Professor Snape must be here because he was the one who has brought this to my attention. And I believe that Professor Lupin would like evidence before believing what I believe to be true and I do not wish you to be subjected to haunting memories more than necessary."  
  
"Just like you tried to protect me by keeping the prophecy a secret from me?" Harry muttered under his breath refusing to look at the headmaster.  
  
Dumbledore closed his eyes with regret, "Harry, I apologize for the grief that has caused you but you must believe me that I was acting in the best possible way I could at the time."  
  
Harry still refused to look at him.  
  
"Headmaster," Snape said. "We are veering off of the topic."  
  
"I wasn't aware there was one," Remus muttered under his own breath bewildered by the situation. Harry must not have tried to kill himself again, otherwise Snape would have been much more vocal about what occurred. The fact that Snape was relatively silent sent chills down his spine. Something serious must have happened.  
  
"I'm afraid there is a topic," Dumbledore said looking at Remus. "Perhaps you would like to take a seat."  
  
The chill up Remus's spin got colder as he sat down next to Harry, "That bad?"  
  
"I'm afraid so," Dumbledore said. He turned to Harry and asked, "Harry, would you please allow us to see your back?"  
  
Harry looked at the Headmaster in disbelief; none of the memories had shown his uncle using his belt, a miracle honestly. "Why would you want to see my back? There's nothing there, if there was don't you think Madam Pomfrey would have told you something one of the many times I was unconscious in the Hospital Wing?"  
  
"Our dear nurse uses switching spells to put unconscious patients in pajamas, and she uses a spell to determine injuries and does not examine patients physically except for directly at the wound," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Headmaster, is this going to what I think this is going to?" Lupin asked warily.  
  
"I'm afraid so Remus," Dumbledore said tiredly. "Professor Snape believes that Harry was abused as a child."  
  
"I wasn't," Harry spat. "There's nothing on my back. I don't know why you would even think there was anything on my back in the first place."  
  
"I must admit Harry, you are an accomplished actor," Dumbledore said. "But you did slip up occasionally. There were a couple of little things that hinted at what you were hiding. However I was most curious when you didn't take your robes off for the second task when they slowed you down."  
  
Harry stared at him speechless for a second before stating, "I was too worried about getting to Ron. It didn't occur to me."  
  
"That's what I thought as well, but please humor me and allow me to see your back," Dumbledore said.  
  
Harry discretely put his hand in his pocket where his wand was and put a concealing charm on his back without muttering the incantation hoping it would work. "There is really nothing on my back."  
  
"Then prove it Potter," Snape snapped getting impatient.  
  
Harry glared at the professor before finally standing up, taking off his robes and t-shirt and turning around so that the adults in the room would be able to see his back.  
  
"There appear to be no marks," Dumbledore said calmly.  
  
"See? I told…" Harry started to say but stopped when Dumbledore cast a spell.  
  
"Finite Incantum."  
  
Harry swore under his breath as Remus gasped.  
  
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_Aren't I evil?  
  
Please review! I love them all!  
  
They make me feel so loved and give me inspiration to write more!_


	33. Sacrificing A Secret

**Sacrificing a Secret**  
  
_AN:  
  
Extra long chapter folks!  
  
'Cause you make me feel so loved!  
  
And since was read-only for a bit during the week.  
  
Warning, I do not know how to properly congegate Latin. I took Spanish because my school did not offer Latin. Actually, my College doesn't offer it either. Which really sucks. So I had to try to teach myself... Please note the word 'TRY'  
  
I don't own HP._  
  
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"I thought you said there was nothing on your back," Snape sneered before Dumbledore silenced him with a glare of his own.  
  
Harry silently put his shirt back on and refused to look at anyone in the room.  
  
"That sure looks like something to me," Snape said after an uncomfortable silence ruled the room for a few moments. "You have an interesting idea what 'nothing' is. Shall I get a dictionary for you so you know what we believe the definition of 'nothing' is?"  
  
"That's enough Severus," Dumbledore said severely as Remus looked at Harry, who still refused to face anyone, in shock. The headmaster turned to his student and asked, "Harry, why didn't you tell someone?"  
  
"It isn't as bad as it looks," Harry said quietly.  
  
Remus finally managed to break the through his petrified state of shock and exclaimed, "Not as bad as it looks? Harry! You must have thirty lashing scars on your back! Of course it's as bad as it looks! No one should be hurt like that, let alone a child!"  
  
"Remus, calm down please. Yelling won't help anything," Dumbledore told the werewolf and then turned to Harry. "Harry, why didn't you tell anyone, a teacher at your primary school or a neighbor? Why didn't you tell us when you came here?"  
  
"It wasn't that bad, it didn't happen that often," Harry insisted studying his hands thoroughly.  
  
"Oh, so that's why your mind was filled with memories of your uncle beating the living shit out of you? It didn't happen that often and you just imagined it over and over again as a child altering it each time you imagined it?" Snape snapped angrily.  
  
"No," Harry replied vehemently.  
  
"Then why didn't you tell anyone?" Snape hissed.  
  
Harry was again silent.  
  
The Headmaster gave the Potions Master a look as he conjured up some tea which Harry couldn't see do to his refusal to look at anyone. However Remus caught Snape taking out a certain crystal vial from within his robes and opened his mouth to protest when Dumbledore shook his head slightly at the werewolf not allowing any argument. Snape put three drops of the truth potion into a cup of tea.  
  
"Harry would you like a cup of tea?" Dumbledore asked kindly.  
  
"No," Harry replied still not looking at any of the three men.  
  
"Are you sure? It will make you feel better," Dumbledore insisted.  
  
"I'm positive. I don't care for that type of tea," Harry spat. "I find it leaves me feeling as if my tongue has been forcibly loosened. Umbridge offered it to me last year as well."  
  
Dumbledore sighed and massaged his temples with his fingers while Remus smirked slightly, glad that Harry wasn't that naive.   
  
"Potter, you'll have to answer the questions truthfully and since you obviously refuse to give us any information we will have to either dose you with Veritaserum or go through your mind with Legimency," Snape said coldly.  
  
"Why?" Harry demanded coldly. "You want more ammunition to make my life worse? Besides, I'm telling the truth."  
  
"But we need to know it's the truth," Dumbledore explained calmly.  
  
"And you can't take my word for it?" Harry asked accusingly.  
  
"It's a common fact that people tend to lie about being abused," Snape said abruptly.  
  
"People also lie when they don't have their homework done," Harry retorted. "But I don't see you whipping out truth potions to test their trustworthiness."  
  
"However homework is a petty thing when compared to your physical well being," the headmaster explained patiently.  
  
"Tell that to Hermione," Harry muttered under his breath, which caused Remus to hold in a chuckle despite the situation.  
  
"Nevertheless we need to confirm the truth so that we may press appropriate charges against your uncle," Dumbledore said.  
  
"None," Harry replied shortly. "I only have one more summer with the Dursleys Its stupid to charge them with anything."  
  
"Harry its not pointless," Remus said looking at the boy seriously. "No one deserves to be hurt by their own family."  
  
"Then why don't you press charges against Professor Dumbledore? He's the one who insisted I lived with them," Harry snapped.  
  
"Harry, I again apologize," the headmaster said. "But we need to know the extent of what occurred. And if we must, we will use Occlumency or Veritaserum. This cannot go unpunished."  
  
"Why? Because I'm the boy who lived?" Harry demanded hiding his apprehension about being put under the truth potion, Snape could ask about that first night back in the castle, or that damned potion that Snape wouldn't let him drink and finally end the threat. Damn Snape… everything fucked up in his life in the past six years could be traced back to that bastard… no… that was not quite true, Voldemort helped a hell of a lot…  
  
"Not at all," Dumbledore said. "Any child who is suspected of being abused would be treated the same."  
  
"Oh, did you treat Snape like this when you found out he was abused?" Harry muttered bitterly.  
  
"Potter!" Snape spat out angrily. "Fifty…"  
  
"Enough Severus," Dumbledore said quickly as Remus looked between the other three people in the room confused. "Harry, this is not about Professor Snape. This is about you and what your relatives have done. Now I ask you, please tell the truth without us forcing you to."  
  
Snape glared at the Headmaster and then at Harry and then at Remus seemingly unable to figure out who he hated more at that moment while Harry thought quickly. His longest kept secret was going to be exposed but Snape would try his damnest to expose his newest secret.   
  
"I'll tell…" Harry said after a minute finally looking at the headmaster.  
  
"There's a good boy," Dumbledore said approvingly.  
  
Harry stayed silent for another minute before asking, "Does Snape have to be here?"  
  
"Potter, I've already seen your memories, you can't hide it from me," Snape said sourly. "I'm not leaving, I'm here to confirm your version of the truth."  
  
"Enough Severus," Dumbledore said for the umpteenth time during that meeting and rubbed his eyes. "Harry you have to tell all of us."  
  
"Fine," Harry muttered looking back down at his hands. He stayed silent.  
  
"Harry, when did your Uncle start hitting you?" Remus finally asked ignoring reproving glances from Dumbledore who apparently thought Harry would be able to start by himself.  
  
Snape snorted to himself wondering why the headmaster would think Potter would be any different from any of the other children throughout his years as headmaster who arrived in his office for the same reason.  
  
"I don't remember, I was too small," Harry said quietly. He stayed silent for another minute and it looked as if Remus was going to have to ask another question for Harry to say anything more when Harry started to talk again. "It started off as an occasional slap, or punch when I did something wrong, or when something weird happened," after Harry said that the words just came cascading out of his mouth. "He beat me the first time when I was seven, I couldn't really move after that. They hid me in my cupboard until the bruises on my face vanished.   
  
"Petunia told Vernon not to hit me in the face so much, it would be obvious if I kept disappearing. So Vernon was more careful but he allowed himself to hit me unrestrained once every few months, he was usually really pissed when that happened. But he was careful never to cause scarring except when he used the belt, he couldn't have lasting marks… Which is why he never cut me or anything, bruises and broken ribs could easily be hidden by clothes or makeup if I absolutely had to go out in public. The last beating was on Dudley's eleventh birthday… he was pissed off. I accidentally made the glass that was keeping a snake in the zoo vanish and it 'attacked' Dudley. Some of the scars on my back are from that…  
  
"He mostly stopped once I got my letters, afraid I expect," Harry said standing up. "Excuse me. I need to get back to the tower."  
  
"I'll walk with you, make sure you don't get lost down any passage ways again," Remus said standing up also.  
  
"Harry," Dumbledore said right before Harry walked out the door. "My door is always open if you would like to talk... about anything at all."  
  
"Sure Professor," Harry replied non-committingly and walked out of the door, down the stairs, and to Gryffindor tower, not speaking another word to the werewolf trailing him.  
  
"I'll see you in class Harry," Remus said when they reached the Fat Lady. "And if you don't feel like talking to the headmaster, I always have an ear open, and tea bags at the ready."  
  
"Sure Professor," Harry said giving him the same response he gave the headmaster. "**Aberror abutus**."  
  
Harry climbed into the tower silently and closed the portrait door behind him. He went over to the fire and sat in front of it, close to where Hermione and Ron were doing homework and stared at the fire, as though memorized by the flames. Hermione noticed and nudged Ron in the ribs and nodded at Harry.  
  
Ron was about to complain while rubbing his ribs but saw the reflective state Harry seemed to be in. Hermione nodded at Harry again with a pointed look at Ron. Taking the hint, Ron walked over to his friend and put his hand on his shoulder, causing Harry to recoil slightly as he turned around, something Hermione didn't miss but Ron did.  
  
"You alright mate?" Ron asked as Hermione came over to join them.  
  
"Fine," Harry said flatly.  
  
"No you're not," Hermione said softly sitting beside him, careful not to touch him.  
  
"Yes well I don't really want to talk about it with people in the common room now do I?" Harry snapped.  
  
"Will you talk to us then?" Hermione asked calmly.  
  
"Maybe," Harry said going back to staring into the flames.   
  
Hermione joined him; staring into the flames as she thought about the state her best friend was in. He was getting more and more withdrawn, even last year after Cedric's death he wasn't this withdrawn. Last year he was quick to anger, loudly yelling when something ticked him off, but this year he had resorted to a cold anger and silence. He didn't appear to be sleeping a lot, he had dark bags around his eyes and he seemed to really zone out during diner. Not only that but he was becoming increasingly edgy when people touched him. A couple of theories started to form in her mind when she realized that the last seventh year in the common room was going up the stairs to her dormitory, leaving the Gryffindor trio alone.  
  
"Harry?" Hermione asked hesitantly. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Every damn thing in the world," Harry replied.  
  
"Care to narrow the list a bit mate?" Ron asked grinning.  
  
"Snape is a fucking bastard," Harry said standing up and walking over to the nearest couch. He pointed his wand to each of the walls, saying "Silencio" every time. Then he calmly picked up a pillow off of the couch and threw it as hard as he could at the wall, "SNAPE" he screamed as he threw another pillow, "IS" and continued to throw pillows to accent each word of the sentence, "A… FUCKING… BASTARD!"  
  
He stalked to the next couch as Ron asked, "What the hell did he do?"   
  
Hermione just watched.  
  
"He has to go prying," he threw a pillow, "Through my fucking life. He HAS to" he started to throw books now. "Make my life fucking miserable! He HAD to go through my memories. Tell the fucking headmaster. IT WAS NONE OF HIS DAMNED BUSINESS! What right does he have to pry? He's a fucking git!"  
  
"Harry calm down, what happened?" Hermione said from across the room as Ron watched Harry in amazement.  
  
Harry turned to her and said quietly, "The bastard went through my fucking memories. My fucking childhood. I didn't bleeding want him to go through those damned memories! I put up so many fucking blocks, but nooooo… he decides to go past the damned blocks. THEN he had to go and tell Dumbledore! And DUMBLEDORE has the GALL to say that I can speak to him whenever the hell I feel like it! He fucking avoided me last year! He went out of his bleeding way to stay out of my way!"  
  
Ron fidgeted uncomfortably not knowing what to do or say to his friend. Hermione took pity on him and said, "Ron, go up to the dorm, I need to talk to Harry."  
  
"Oh, and what do you want me to talk to you about without Ron?" Harry demanded.  
  
"I'll tell you once he's gone," Hermione replied as calmly as she could with her heart beating furiously. Harry's rants had put one theory she had come up with to the front of her mind and if she was going to be any help at all to Harry, she couldn't have Ron acting stupid around him.  
  
"Um…" Ron said looking between his two friends, torn between escaping an uncomfortable situation and the need to help his friend.  
  
"Just go Ron," Hermione commanded glaring at him.  
  
"You going to be alright Harry?" Ron asked nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.  
  
"Just go, Hermione obviously wants to talk about something and she can be bleeding stubborn," Harry said not looking at his friend.  
  
Hermione watched Ron go up the stairs before turning to Harry.  
  
"Harry, what happened? Why didn't you want Snape to see your childhood, and why did he tell Dumbledore about what he found?" Hermione asked.  
  
Harry turned sharply to Hermione and looked at her, realizing that she had already figured it out and just wanted his confirmation.  
  
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_AN:  
One second please..._

_Xputs flame retardant foam around her houseX  
  
Flame, review, comment, critize, I don't care... just hit the review button!  
  
Please? _

_Oh yes... A one-shot non-romance angst fic on the person of your choice if you can tell me what I MEANT to say with the Gryffindor Tower password. This requires a bit of work on your side since I didn't have the exact words I wanted._


	34. Becoming Old

**Becoming Old**  
  
_AN:  
  
Okay first off, I blame the stupid automatic spell check I have on my computer for the 'memorized' 'mesmerized' mix up in the last chapter. We all know what I meant. But it will not be fixed until I fix all of my chapter's typos... which probably won't be for a bit yet. I'm writing too many different things to fix minor errors in this fic.  
  
Secondly, someone said that they didn't think Harry would break down that quickly, but he was afraid of his other secret coming to light while they were trying to confirm the one they already suspected and that's why I had him break down so quickly. If it weren't for his other secret I would have made him fight more.   
  
Finally I do not own HP, but then again, we all know this._  
  
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Remus Lupin walked back into the Headmaster's office calmly with no sign of distress showing on his face. Unfortunately this was a bad thing and no one except his best friend would know this, but his best friends were dead and he was the last of the Marauders.  
  
He sat down in front of Dumbledore who was looking sorrowfully at Snape who, judging by the scowl on his face, had apparently just said something scathing.  
  
"I am sorry Severus, but I will not allow you to take points off of Gryffindor for a legitimate question," the headmaster was saying.  
  
"It was not a legitimate question. It was a deliberate attack against me for putting him into that situation. My personal life has nothing to do with this," Snape snapped angrily.   
  
"Are you certain about that?" Dumbledore asked.   
  
"I'm positive Headmaster," Snape said icily. "Also the boy is hiding more than what he is telling. You do know that don't you? I would like to know how he managed to hide those particular memories during his Occlumency lessons."  
  
"Yes I am aware that Harry is still hiding more secrets," Dumbledore said. "Teenage boys with dark pasts do not often tell more than what they are required to in order to appease whoever may be questioning them. They will find a way to keep their secrets for as long as possible and that is probably what inspired him to be able to block his childhood memories. I believe you were the same way."  
  
He then turned to the silent man, who was listening to the current conversation, and said, "Hello again Remus. Is there a reason you came back here?"  
  
"Yes, I want to know what you are planning on doing about the Dursleys," Remus said. "I would also like to know how the hell Harry managed to end up in that hellhole. If I recall correctly, you were the one who decided he would live with the Dursleys."  
  
"We've been through this already Lupin," Snape sneered sickly. "He put Potter in that 'Home' in order to keep him safe. It was for his own protection."  
  
"Protection?" Remus asked incredulously staring at the headmaster.  
  
"Yes," the headmaster sighed looking old. "I made a mistake. I have already been through this with Severus. I made a horrible mistake…"  
  
"What is going to happen to the Dursleys?" Remus asked again.  
  
"They'll be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law of course," Dumbledore said distractedly.  
  
"Headmaster, you're about to make another mistake," Remus said shortly.  
  
"And what is that?" Dumbledore replied just as short, it had been a long day, far longer than any he had experienced in the past several decades.  
  
"I would like to know that too," Snape said looking at Remus oddly. "I would have thought that you would have found it satisfying to see those Muggles punished for what they did to Potter."  
  
"I would find it satisfying to see someone to put those 'people' in their place but I seem to be the only one who is thinking about Harry at the moment. You all seem to have forgotten that Harry doesn't like his fame," Remus said ignoring Snape when he scoffed disbelievingly.   
  
"I can assure you that I at least have not forgotten," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Really? You haven't forgotten that Harry despises being the center of attention? That's news to me because you are willing to put a boy who hates attention through a medial circus with its full concern on how many papers could be sold," Remus spat angrily, standing up and finally letting his anger overtake his actions, gesturing wildly while ranting. "I know of several reporters who would love to break the story on how Harry Potter was beaten as a child. To make him an even bigger 'Tragic Hero.' The public loves heroes who overcome odds, even if they haven't yet, they are just expected to by naive members of the community. Not to mention Voldemort. He would LOVE to hear about how Harry was tortured even when he was bodiless. He would try to use Legimens to make Harry's dreams into nightmares about what Vernon Dursley did to him. And lets not forget that the majority of the population of Hogwarts would start treating him with satin gloves, and we all know how much Harry loves to be coddled. Quite frankly, Headmaster, I do not believe that Harry will be able to handle all of that crap right now."   
  
"You're right Remus," the headmaster sighed. "Thank you for reminding me. That would have caused grave problems for everyone."  
  
"But sir," Snape said sharply. "You cannot let these people go unpunished just because they abused a famous boy who shrinks from public view. They should be arrested and sentenced to a good long time in jail for their crimes."  
  
"I assure you Severus that they will not go unpunished," Dumbledore said. "However they will not be arrested. Not by the Ministry of Magic nor the Muggle authorities."  
  
Snape sputtered angrily until Remus said quietly, "They never arrested your father for beating you did they?"  
  
Snape glared at Lupin so fiercely that most of the student population would have hidden behind the nearest solid object and attempted to cast a disillusionment charm on themselves to escape his wrath. However Remus had grown immune to his colleague's attempts at intimidation while they were still in school.  
  
"My personal life has nothing to do with this Lupin," Snape said coldly.  
  
"Hmm, here I thought Slytherins were supposed to be cunning," Remus said thoughtfully. "But their head of house is acting like a dunderhead and cannot see the truth."  
  
"Enough, the both of you," Dumbledore commanded stopping a potential duel before it began. "Remus, Severus obviously does not want to speak about his past anymore than Harry does at the moment and you must respect that. Severus, Remus reiterated my earlier point that your judgment on these matters may be clouded do to past events."  
  
"Fine, what are you planning for the Dursleys if they will not be arrested?" Snape asked waspishly.  
  
"I am not yet certain, but rest assured that they will see the consequences to their actions," Dumbledore said gravely.  
  
"And I'm to listen to a man who put a child into an abusive household?" Snape asked.  
  
"Yes," the headmaster said. "Now if you and Remus would leave me, I have some things I need to attend to."  
  
"I'm sure you do," Snape sneered and left the room his robes not billowing as they usually did.  
  
"Goodnight Headmaster," Remus said formally before also taking his leave of the room.  
  
When he was alone in his office save for the portraits and Fawkes, all of who were silent during the entire discussion he looked at them and said, "Not a word of this to anyone," and received several nods of promise.  
  
The headmaster took off his half moon glasses and rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers in frustration, "I'm getting too old for all of this."  
  
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_Please remember to review!_


	35. An Old Man's Musings

**Chapter 35  
  
An Old Man's Musings**  
  
_AN:  
  
I updated on a weekday, see???  
  
I updated twice this week!  
  
Some people... **X**coughs**X**momsangel**X**coughs**X** should be very pleased...  
  
Oh yes, I don't own HP_  
  
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Albus Dumbledore walked down the corridors of Hogwarts school in deep thought soon after Remus and Severus had left his office, a mood inspired by the events of the day's enlightening events that were cause of distress.  
  
He had known of course that the Dursleys would not love Harry when he placed the child on the Dursley's doorstep so many years ago and Harry would grow up unloved and most definitely unspoiled, he had admitted as much to Harry himself the previous year when finally telling the boy about the prophecy, but he did not think that they would dislike him so much as to beat him. He had not believed that Petunia would have let her sister's son, her own blood, to be treated so badly.  
  
"Hello Headmaster," the gossiping character named Violet said curtsying and stopping in a portrait of a rather badly done zebra herd. She was probably making her nightly rounds to get the last bit of gossip before everyone went to sleep. "How are you this evening."  
  
"I'm in a ponderous mood my dear," the old man replied. "And how are you doing this evening? Well I hope?"  
  
"Oh yes, very well," Violet said happily. "However, Loony… er… Luna Lovegood did manage to lose her Transfiguration book."  
  
"Are you certain she lost it?" Dumbledore asked, having heard about the Ravenclaws' habit to take the girl's things.  
  
"Oh yes, I saw it fall out of her bag while she was walking through the hallway. I tried to call her back but she said something about not falling for the tricks of Rumpled Still Tkins," Violet said looking confused.  
  
"Ah, yes, that would be Miss Lovegood," Dumbledore said unable to resist a small chuckle. "She certainly took after her father."  
  
"Oooh, he was an odd one also!" Violet agreed excitingly. "Why I remember when he was a sixth year… he managed to convince all of the first years that Severus Snape was part so all of them kept trying to see if he would levitate himself if the floor was too warm. James Potter and his gang were going to be punished for that until Lovegood was telling some second years the same thing in front of Professor Flitwick."  
  
"Ah yes, I remember that incident as well," Dumbledore nodded. "If you do not mind though, I do need to continue along my way."  
  
"Oh yes, yes of course," Violet said nodding quickly. "I need to get going as well."  
  
"Goodnight then Violet," the headmaster said continuing his walk down the corridor, but this time his thoughts were on another boy who had an equally dreadful childhood.  
  
Unlike Harry, no one who had given a damn had discovered Severus's secret until Dumbledore was training the man in Occlumency to become a spy against Voldemort. Needless to say when Albus discovered a few foul memories Severus had tried to deny those memories and went as far to claim that he had made them up to see if he could fool the headmaster. Dumbledore replied that if he was able to produce such potent psuedo-memories then he did not need any more lessons and would be able to face the Dark Lord while being able to hide the desire to see Him paralyzed, covered in lemon drops on top of an anthill in the middle of a thunderstorm, and asked the young man to do so that very instant. The potion's expert admitted that he was lying after several stalling tactics that had failed on the old man.  
  
However Severus's problems could not have been blamed on Dumbledore foolishly putting him in a home where he knew there would be no love wasted on him. There was no reason to suspect that Severus Snape had a less than satisfactory childhood thanks to magic, potions to heal wounds in seconds, charms to hide scars, and curses to keep children's tongues still without even needing to be cast.   
  
Dumbledore had been a teacher at Hogwarts for many, many years and he had rescued several children from abusive households, and they had all held the same signs that Harry had shown in varying degrees of severity, when he looked back on it even Severus had shown small signs here and there when he was in his first and second years, before he had mastered the mask that the present students of Hogwarts saw as "Greasy Git Snape."  
  
However Dumbledore had known about the Dursleys' prejudice against Wizarding kind but had disregarded them, thinking that they would not harm a child, especially one who was related to them by blood.  
  
The Headmaster stalled in front of the boy's bathroom on the fifth floor, looking at it somberly before continuing patrolling the hallway and nodded in greeting at the Bloody Baron, who was floating regaling through the wall ahead of him.   
  
Things were not always what they seemed. That bathroom seemed innocent enough, but in all of the years the headmaster had lived in Hogwarts, be it as a student or as a teacher, somehow, three out of five suicide attempts that occurred in Hogwarts, occurred in that bathroom, and none of them had succeeded. That unremarkable bathroom which boys visited every day was one of the secrets Hogwarts held. That bathroom could be the only reason the Wizarding World's last hope for salvation was living.  
  
Perhaps if he hadn't been so intent on seeing that the boy was happy for his time at school he would have seen that Harry was more than downtrodden at home. Perhaps if he had not been blind to the signs that Harry was suffering from painful events in his life. Perhaps if he had talked to Harry more before the end of the year after Sirius's death, Harry wouldn't have tried to take his own life.  
  
Now he had to suffer his conscious while trying to heal the damage he had unintentionally inflicted on Harry, first by sending him to his relatives to live, and then by not telling him about the Prophecy which indirectly caused Sirius's death, the death of one of the few adults Harry had apparently trusted. However if he had a chance to do things over again, Dumbledore believed that he would still have placed Harry with the Dursleys, and that thought, more than any other, weighed on his conscious.  
  
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_PLEASE REVIEW!_


	36. A Friend's Folly

**A Friend's Folly**  
  
_AN:  
  
Do you know that writing this chapter was like pulling the teeth of a highly agitated Alligator?  
  
That means its probably subject to change by next Sunday.  
  
I do not own HP.  
_  
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"So, the Know-It-All of Hogwarts has figured out The-Boy-Who-Lived's secret has she?" Harry spat defensibly. "What is it? Hmmm? Tell me, don't you know what happened in my childhood?"  
  
"I don't know Harry," Hermione replied. "You never told me about your childhood. Not really. I don't know anything about it. I only suspect some things from what I know about you. Will you please tell me?"  
  
"What do you suspect?" Harry asked quietly and hanging his head.  
  
"You're aunt and uncle hit you didn't they?" Hermione asked just as quietly but looked straight at Harry as she said it.   
  
"My aunt spank me when I did something wrong if that's what you mean," Harry said still not looking up.  
  
"You know that's not what I meant," Hermione replied. "They… they beat you didn't they?"  
  
"How did you find out?" Harry demanded angrily, too tired to deny it over and over again. "Does everyone know? Should I look in the paper tomorrow for headlines 'Boy-Who-Lived Abused?'"  
  
"No, everybody doesn't know, I guessed it just now, when you were yelling. You were acting so jumpy today and I was so worried about you. You jumped back whenever someone touched you when you weren't expecting it. You also looked really tired so I figured you weren't sleeping much. Then you came back from your Occlumency lesson acting like a zombie until everyone else left.   
  
"I spent that time trying to figure out what was going on with you and I had a load of theories from you taking drugs that enhanced your senses to Voldemort possessing you, to you having bad nightmares that put you on edge. Well I had to figure out what kind of nightmares would make you react that way to touch didn't I? The only thing I could figure was you having nightmares about someone hurting you, so it was either nightmares about Voldemort torturing you or your relatives, you said last year when we were looking at the work pamphlets that someone would need more than a good sense of fun to work with your Uncle, you said that they would need a good sense of when to duck, well I thought that you were just joking then, but it made perfect sense when I was thinking about it tonight. Also the summer before our second year Ron wrote to me and said he had to break you out of your room, it had bars on it and the door was locked! And when the twins gave your cousin that awful trick candy you mentioned that your Uncle started to throw things at Mr. Weasley, and well if he dislikes wizards enough to throw things at an adult wizard when the wizard could kill him with a few choice words, he would surely be capable of hitting an underage child who didn't know about magic or couldn't do it outside of school, and then you exploded when we were alone!   
  
"You talked about Snape breaking into your memories from when you were a kid so I could only think that my last theory was the right one and I didn't want to bring it up in front of Ron incase I was wrong then Ron would act even more stupid around you when you were upset, and bound to be even more upset that I would even think about the possibility," Hermione was out of breath when she concluded her explanation having said it quickly so that Harry would not have been able to get a word in and cause her to loose her courage and would have dissolved into tears. When she regained her breath she asked surprisingly steadily, "Harry, why didn't you tell anyone at your primary school? Why didn't you get help? Was it that bad? Did your family hurt you that horribly?"  
  
"Dumbledore already asked the same question and he wouldn't understand any better than you would," Harry replied sitting down on a couch located in a corner of the common room. "Nobody could understand."  
  
Hermione sat down beside him, again careful not to touch him and said, "How do you know that I won't understand if you won't tell me why?"  
  
"Because you wouldn't," Harry said stubbornly.  
  
"Fine, would you let me try to guess why?" Hermione asked.  
  
"I'm going to bed," Harry said standing up abruptly and started to walk away.  
  
Hermione jumped to her feet and said, "You didn't say anything at first because you were afraid of your Uncle."  
  
Harry stopped and looked at her and shouted, "You don't know anything! You don't know a damned thing!"  
  
"Then tell me! Explain it to me!" Hermione yelled at him. "I'm your best friend! I'm not some bleeding reporter or a shrink! I've been through a lot with you! I won't think of you any differently! I just want to know why."  
  
"If you won't think of me any differently then why do you want to know why?" Harry demanded.  
  
"Because I can't properly be a Know-It-All if I don't know that," Hermione tried to smile. "I can only be a Know-It-Almost-All-Except-For-Quidditch and that's too long for Ron to say. He'd forget what the insult was half way through."  
  
Harry ignored the stupid joke and said seriously, "Hermione, you don't want to know. Trust me, you don't want to know."  
  
"Yes I do," Hermione said her voice hitching. "Please tell me what happened and why you didn't tell anyone. Tell me because my blasted imagination will keep me thinking the worse possible thing that could have happened to you. My imagination is worse than the truth; I know it is. But Harry, that doesn't stop me from imagining those awful things that could have happened to you. I… I can only imagine the worse Harry. And I don't want to imagine the worse happening to you. Please tell me?"  
  
Harry saw the tears forming in Hermione's eyes and groaned; he never knew what to do when girls cried.  
  
"Hermione, please don't cry," Harry pleaded. "It wasn't bad, honest."  
  
"How do I know you're just not trying to protect me? You already told me I didn't want to know, and if it wasn't that bad then you would have told me!" Hermione sobbed but continued to look at Harry.  
  
"So you want to know do you?" Harry asked coldly, his anger rising again for no plausible reason except that he was exhausted and tired of going over that subject which he hid for years. "You want to know that my Uncle beat me and hid me in the cupboard until my bruises faded? You want to know why I didn't tell anyone at primary school? I did, they got paid off, or fired. Now you know."  
  
Harry stalked up to his dorm without waiting for Hermione's reaction and ignored Ron who was waiting up for him. He got onto his four-post bed making the springs squeak loudly before shutting the curtains. He stared at the ceiling fuming until he fell into a dreamless sleep; even his subconscious was too exhausted to bring back haunting images of death and pain.  
  
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_AN:  
  
Please review,  
  
tell me what you think,  
  
realistic? No?  
  
Reviews will help heal the bites received when pulling the teeth of the angry alligator mentioned in my first ANs_


	37. Pratical Lessons

**Chapter 37  
  
Pratical Lessons**  
  
_AN:  
  
I updated on Sunday, truely I did._

_So imagine my surprise when I got online on Monday and found that you had to get to chapter 36 to even know that there was a 37, and when I saw my fic while browsing a person's favorite's list it said that it was last updated on the 25th of July..._

_But what REALLY confused me was that at least two or three people did manage to find the 37th chapter.... but I couldn't._

_shrugs_

_So I removed the chapter and now I have reloaded it hoping that it will actually show up._

_I've babbled enough...  
  
I don't own HP_

_Story now._

_p.s. when trying to reload this, is being a real brat._  
  
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"Harry, wake up mate," Ron said to the lump of covers which was apparently where Harry was sleeping. "You're going to be late to breakfast and Merlin knows you do not want to go to Potions on an empty stomach. I heard that some of those potions you're doing do not react well when your stomach is empty."  
  
"I'm skiving off Potions," Harry replied from under his blankets. "Go to breakfast alone."  
  
"Look mate, normally, I'd encourage you to skip Potions, but we have a Quidditch match against Hufflepuff tomorrow and if you don't go to classes today you can't play tomorrow," Ron reminded his friend. "And quite frankly, I don't want that second year trying to catch the Snitch before that new Hufflepuff Seeker. Hufflepuff actually managed to beat Ravenclaw in the last match and that hasn't happened for twenty years!"  
  
"Damn it. Damn, damn, damn," Harry muttered as he threw off his blankets and grabbed a clean uniform. He quickly dressed while Ron rambled on about how a curse that some Ravenclaw student apparently put on the Hufflepuff house a couple decades ago apparently wearing out and Hufflepuff apparently being able to beat Ravenclaw again, but just in case…   
  
"Ron, anyone listening would think you were the Captain," Harry said tiredly picking up his book bag.  
  
Ron grinned sheepishly at the real Quidditch Captain and said, "Well… you could always do with good ideas can't you?"  
  
Harry stayed silent as he walked down the stairs and into the neat and orderly common room, which bared no marks of his tantrum from the night before. The house-elves must have been psychic to know where the books were originally left in the common room.  
  
"I wonder where Hermione is," Ron said musingly looking around for the missing third of their trio.  
  
"Don't know," Harry muttered sourly.  
  
Ron glanced at his friend, hearing his tone and wisely decided to say nothing on that subject and started talking about Quidditch again when they sat down at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall across from Hermione who was reading a book and apparently not turning the page.  
  
"Ron," Harry said suddenly when Ron was finally silent, due to the fact that his mouth was filled with sausage. "How about after this match you become Quidditch Captain…"  
  
Ron choked on his breakfast and Harry had to stop what he was saying to slap his friend on the back. Hermione looked up sharply.  
  
"Wha? What the heck are you talking about?" Ron demanded after he recovered from his near death experience.  
  
"You've grown up with Quidditch your whole life and have put a lot thought into tomorrow's game. More than I have. You'd be a better captain than me, but I don't think that the team would like it very much if we switched captains on them right before the game," Harry explained quietly.   
  
"Your mad mate! Absolutely nutters!" Ron exclaimed in disbelief. "Why would you want to give that up?"  
  
"You'd be a better captain than me and I want Gryffindor to win the cup," Harry said simply.  
  
"Are you sure?" Ron asked.  
  
"Yes, after the game tomorrow you should take over as captain," Harry said firmly ignoring Hermione who was staring at him intently.  
  
"Al… All right mate," Ron said shocked. "I'll do it."  
  
"Good," Harry said turning back to his breakfast without once acknowledging Hermione.  
  
After a couple of minutes of silence Ron looked at Hermione and asked, "What happened last night after you forced me to go to the dorm? Why aren't the two of you talking to each other?"  
  
"Nothing Ron," Hermione said tersely and Harry glared at the red head.  
  
"Nothing my arse," Ron spat. "You tell me to go upstairs when Harry's upset and the next day neither of you will talk to the other."  
  
"I have to get to class," Hermione said ignoring Ron's protest and left the Great Hall quickly.  
  
"What about you, aren't you going to tell me what happened?" Ron asked.  
  
"No," Harry said. "I have to get to Potions. Snape will skin me alive if I'm late. See you at Care of Magical Creatures."  
  
"Bye," Harry heard Ron say as he went to Potions.   
  
When he got down to the dungeons he took his seat in the front of the room and ignored Hermione as much as one could seated at the same table.   
  
Snape swept into the room, surly as ever, and lectured the entire period on alkaline, or elk, or something, Harry's mind just wasn't in the class even though he jotted down a couple of notes. Merlin knew if they had anything to do with the lesson, or were even correct. But surprisingly Snape did not hold him after class to talk about his 'attitude;' perhaps Dumbledore had just forbidden him from saying anything that day. Just as well, it was the old man's fault that Snape had found out in the first place; he insisted that Harry learned Occlumency and would have Snape as an instructor.  
  
Harry walked down to Hagrid's cabin well ahead of Hermione and met Ron there who had apparently decided that asking what had happened the night before was a bad idea and filled up the awkward silence with Quidditch talk and plans he had for the team.  
  
Hermione showed up shortly before class began and stood to one side of Ron, Harry was on his other side, and listened to Hagrid intensely, purposely ignoring everything but the lesson which was soon over.  
  
"'Arry, 'Ermione, Ron, could ya stay a bit?" Hagrid asked at the end of class. Once everyone had left, glad that it was only a practical lesson the gentle giant asked of the trio, "Alrigh' you three, out wi' it. What's goin' on?"  
  
"Beats the hell out of me, these two won't talk to each other," Ron said annoyed.  
  
"Nothing Hagrid," Hermione said quietly.  
  
"Balderdash," Hagrid puffed out. "Somethin's ou' of sorts wi' you. Wha' is it?"  
  
"Hermione's tendency to butt into other people's business," Harry said quietly.  
  
"Aw now, I'm sure it ain't all tha' bad," Hagrid said. "I'm sure she has her hear' in the righ' place, don' ya 'Ermione?"  
  
"Yes," Hermione admitted.  
  
"I don't care; she shouldn't have gone snooping around in the first place," Harry said as he walked back to the castle.  
  
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_AN:  
  
Please review!_


	38. Talking

**Chapter 38  
Talking**  
_AN:_  
_Hi,  
I'm updating.  
I don't own HP.  
That's about all for now.  
Enjoy:_  
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Harry wandered around the hallways determined to avoid all of the people he really didn't care to see at that moment, which would be rather difficult owing to the number of people on that list.  
  
Why the hell did everyone have to snoop around in his life? No one seemed to give a damn before so why now? First Snape imposing on his memories, then he told Dumbledore and Lupin what he saw. He didn't have any right to view his memories in the first place. And after that Hermione goes and finds out his secret because he had to go and rant in front of her. He should have known better than to do that. Wasn't Hermione the one who figured out all of the mysteries that plagued them in previous years? Then if THAT wasn't enough, Ron had to start snooping around today too. Asking what happened last night…  
  
Harry passed a familiar painting that contained a ticklish pear and stopped as soon as he realized where he was, right in front of the kitchens. Well now was a good of a time as any to correct one of the mistakes he had made in his life. He felt bad for snapping at the House Elf who was only doing his job yesterday. Merlin, was it only yesterday?  
  
He tickled the pear and entered the bustling kitchen, it was lunch and the elves were flying around the room to make sure that the platters on the tables in the Great Hall did not empty. Harry easily spotted Dobby among the elves due to his towering hats allowing him to seem a head taller than the other elves. He rushed over to the small elf and asked, "Dobby, can I have a minute?"  
  
"Oh yes Harry Potter sir!" Dobby squeaked happily. "Dobby is always happy to speak with Harry Potter!"  
  
"That's good," Harry said making his way out of the elves apparent traffic pattern to and from the House Tables.  
  
"What is it being that Harry Potter is wanting sir?" Dobby asked.  
  
"Do you know which elf it was that found me in the passageway to Honeydukes? I was rather mean to him and I wanted to apologize," Harry explained.  
  
"That is being Poffee," Dobby said pointing out an elf tending some sort of soup. "He is being most distraught when he is coming back to the kitchen last night."  
  
"Thank you, Dobby," Harry said walking over to the elf he had met the night before. "Um, Poffee?" Harry asked the elf stirring the soup.  
  
"Yes sir?" Poffee asked respectfully. "Is sir wanting something?"  
  
"I'm sorry for snapping at you last night, I was in a bad mood," Harry said. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you."  
  
"Sir is apologizing to Poffee?" the elf asked in wonderment. "But Poffee is just a House-elf sir. Wizards do not apologize to House-elves."  
  
"I hurt your feelings and so I needed to apologize," Harry explained. "It doesn't matter what you are, you shouldn't hurt other beings. No one's feelings are more important than another's. Do you accept my apology?"  
  
"Oh yes sir," Poffee said nodding earnestly. "Would sir be needing something else?"  
  
"Would you guys mind if I hung out in here until lunch is over?" Harry asked looking at his watch. "I don't want to be seen until my next class which isn't until after lunch. I wouldn't get in your way would I?"  
  
"Oh no sir!" Poffee exclaimed. "We would be honored if you is staying with us for lunch."  
  
"Thank you," Harry said and went into a corner of the room to watch the elves work furiously to serve the school they were bound to until they died.  
  
He sat there lost in thought until Poffee came over to him and said, "Sir woulds be forgiving Poffee, but lunch is being over and I is thinking you is needing to be to your next class sir?"  
  
"Oh," Harry said startled and looked at his watch. "Thanks, I need to go. Bye."  
  
"Good bye Harry Potter sir," Poffee said to the boy as he ran towards the portrait with his bag flying behind him.  
  
Harry made it to his Defense Against the Dark Arts class right before the bell rang and sat next to Ron and Hermione reluctantly, but didn't have much of a choice since that was the only available seat.  
  
"Where were you?" Ron asked as he sat down.  
  
"Nowhere," Harry replied shortly, taking out his notes to divert his eyes from Ron's face.  
  
Ron was about to reply but was interrupted by Professor Lupin coming into the classroom. "Alright folks, if you would kindly come into the front of the room so that I may dispose of the desks. They will get in the way of our dueling."  
  
Harry put his notes back into his bag and walked to the front of the room with the rest of the class, avoiding the Professor's eyes, which he could feel following him. Remus quickly pushed all of the desks to one side of the room with a banishing spell and conjured several mattresses to cover the floor and corners of the room.  
  
"Okay, break up into pairs and begin to duel, but do not put a shielding charm around your own skirmish area this time. In the real world you will not have the courtesy of being able to concentrate on just the curses your opponents send, you also have to watch out for stray curses. Remember that friendly fire could cause you to lose the duel or something more precious," Professor Lupin said to his class once he was finished preparing the room.  
  
Harry paired off with Seamus this time, forcing Neville to practice with someone else and gave suggestions to the boy as the class progressed, allowing Seamus to improve vastly in that short amount of time.  
  
Finally it was time to leave and Harry nearly made his way out of the door when Remus called out, "Harry, could you stay for a moment?"  
  
Harry sighed and stepped off to one side to let his classmates through the door.  
  
"Harry, are you alright?" Remus asked when the Hermione closed the door behind her; she was the last one in the room besides Harry and the professor.  
  
"I'm fine," Harry said. "May I go now?"  
  
"Almost," Remus said as he went to his desk. He picked up a piece of parchment and handed it to him. "I'm afraid I summoned it last night in order to search for you, but I couldn't ask your permission first without finding you now could I? Since I took it without you misusing it, I'm giving it back to you."  
  
"Sir?" Harry asked bewildered.  
  
"Just don't make me regret trusting you Harry," Remus said and walked out of the room, leaving the confused teen behind.  
  
II  
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_AN:  
Please review, I need reviews to live.  
And I can't very well write without living..._


	39. Perhaps This Time

**Perhaps This Time...**  
  
_AN:  
  
Love this new format dont' you?  
  
I do not own HP..._  
  
....."You sleep alright last night Harry?" Ginny asked her captain on Saturday morning at breakfast. "Because you look like crap."  
  
....."I'm not sure if you spend too much time with Tonks, or the twins," Ron muttered under his breath.  
  
....."I'm fine," Harry said eating a piece of dry toast. "Oh yeah… after the game Ron's going to be captain."  
  
....."WHAT?" Ginny screeched loudly. "Why the hell is that idiot going to be Captain? He can barely figure out how to block a few goals! You're a much better Quidditch player than that buffoon!"  
  
....."Thanks for the vote of confidence sis," Ron grumbled throwing a grape at his sibling.  
  
....."Grumpy this morning aren't you Ron?" Ginny retorted back then she turned back to Harry. "Why does he get the captain spot? I was the one who had to friggin' build this team while you two were off vacationing in the Bahamas!"  
  
....."I didn't hear that one…" Neville said quietly to Dean confused.  
  
....."She's being spiteful," Dean replied. "She doesn't believe it."  
  
....."Oh," Neville said.  
  
....."Ginny, you're a shoe in as soon as we graduate, you'll get it then I'm sure," Harry said to the girl. "And Ron's been the one that has been giving me all of strategies for this game. It would be unfair to him if I stayed captain for the entire year and used all of his ideas."  
  
....."Well I could use his ideas and have no guilt about using them," Ginny replied.  
  
....."No you wouldn't, I wouldn't tell you any of my ideas," Ron snapped.  
  
....."Oh, so you'll let Gryffindor lose just to satisfy your own male pride?" Ginny asked.  
  
....."No! I'd tell everyone else and have you sent to the hospital wing somehow," Ron retorted.  
  
....."How? By giving me Picken Ox?" Ginny said sarcastically.  
  
....."Would the both of you please shut up," Harry asked tiredly. "We have a game today, remember? Hufflepuff? Surprisingly good team? Quidditch Cup quite possibly on the line? We need to get along today. You can fight after the game."  
  
....."Speaking of the game, are you going to commentate again Dean?" Ron asked his housemate. Dean had commentated the last match and was far more impartial than Lee Jordan, the previous Quidditch commentator for Quidditch who happened to be the twins' best friend, and so McGonagall had to resort to far less threats than in previous matches and was finally able to enjoy one.  
  
....."Yeah, but McGonagall said that I had to stop using soccer jargon," Dean said scratching the back of his head.  
  
....."I don't think you should, it could be your quirk like Lee's was for biased comments," Lavender said. "It certainly makes the match more interesting."  
  
....."Are you kidding me? Quidditch is interesting enough without some bloke confusing everyone by using weird terms! Who ever heard of a flag for a foul anyway?" Ron demanded.  
  
....."It was just a suggestion," Lavender replied defensively.  
  
.....Harry watched glad that they had forgotten about him for the moment. He had been hoping that no one had noticed that his sleep last night had ended up being the equivalent to nothing. He had a hard time getting to sleep and then when he did he had a variety of nightmares ranging from the innocent Quidditch ones he had before each match about the other team, for some reason, riding dragons, to the ones that were not truly nightmares but memories, and then his true nightmares about the dead blaming him for their deaths. And now there were NEW nightmares about everyone finding out about his secret like Snape had.  
  
.....And now he was supposed to go and play Quidditch for Merlin only knows how many hours and hope not to fall off of his broom from sheer exhaustion and somehow find the Snitch and catch it before the Hufflepuff seeker. Oh yes, and direct the Quidditch team. He wished that he could have given Ron the position of Captain before the game but that would have been hard on the team, although it would probably be harder on the team to have a half-sleeping captain.  
  
....."Hey, Harry," Ron said snapping Harry out of his thoughts. "Isn't it time to get to the field?"  
  
....."Oh, yeah," Harry agreed standing up and walked to the Quidditch changing rooms.  
  
.....A few seconds after Harry walked away Ron ran up next to him and said, "You know mate, it's a good thing that you're giving up the captainsee… You didn't tell the team to come with you."  
  
....."Um oops?" Harry said grinning sheepishly.  
  
....."A really good thing," Ron muttered to himself.  
  
.....Everyone quickly changed and sat in the planning room waiting for all of the students to take their seats in the stadium. In silence.  
  
....."Mate, this is usually where someone makes a pep speech," Ron said. "Usually that someone is the captain."  
  
....."I always hated those," Harry replied shrugging. "Do I have to?"  
  
....."Its for good luck," one of the chasers piped up.  
  
....."Fine," Harry sighed. "We're good. We've worked hard. We're going to win… or else as Wood would say."  
  
....."Glad I never had him for a captain," Ginny said cheerfully to no one in particular.  
  
....."And now the Gryffindor Quidditch Team!" Dean's voice was heard. The team made their way onto the pitch. "Chasers, Ginny Weasley, Jessica Arnold, and Justin Patton. Beaters; Lisa Marks and William Kenyon. Keeper Ron Weasley. And last but not least, the captain and seeker, Harry Potter!"  
  
.....The crowd cheered wildly and a lion was heard over the applause.  
  
....."I guess Luna's supporting us again," Ginny said softly as the Hufflepuff team was introduced.  
  
....."Well Loony couldn't put a badger on top of her hat could she? Well she could, but it doesn't make a sound," Lisa replied cheerfully.  
  
.....And soon after that there was no time for discussion because they were all in the air avoiding bludgers. Harry watched the match from above, occasionally yelling out formations that might help the chasers but they were generally led well by Ginny so all Harry had to do was look for the elusive snitch.  
  
.....The match went on for two hours with neither Seeker so much as catching a glimpse of the golden ball with wings and the Hufflepuffs were leading by thirty points. Suddenly Harry saw the snitch hovering near the ground and dived after it. The Hufflepuff seeker quickly followed Harry but couldn't catch up to him and yelled out to his teammates for help. One of the beaters hit a bludger towards the place Harry seemed to be diving to and hoped that would deter the Gryffindor from reaching the snitch. It didn't.  
  
.....Harry was perfectly aware of the bludger rushing at him at an unhealthy speed but didn't care as he strived to catch the Snitch. Nothing else mattered but that Snitch, everything else was out of his mind. He reached out as he neared the small ball and grasped it firmly in his hand. He heard a screech from above him and looked up. To be reminded of the Bludger that was supposed to make him change his course and thought that maybe this time he would be lucky, right before he blacked out as the ball hit his skull.  
  
_AN:  
Please review... I need reviews to live._


	40. A Funeral

**Chapter 40  
  
A Funeral**  
  
_AN:  
  
I do not own Harry Potter.  
  
The rest of the ANs are at the bottom.  
_  
....."Dearly Magical, we are gathered here today to pay our last respects to Harry James Potter," The Fat Friar said in the front of the Great Hall to several thousand people who managed to cram into the room for the event. A plain coffin was behind the pious ghost, floating so that everyone may see it. Harry was observing the entire scene from the back of the hall above a couple of Hufflepuff first years that somehow had managed to cram themselves into the crowded hall "Does someone wish to give a Eulogy?"  
  
.....Ron silently walked up to the podium where the Fat Friar floated. The friar moved aside and allowed Ron to be the center of attention. He cleared his throat and started speaking loudly; "I met Harry on the train ride here in our first year. We were friends ever since… a misfortune for me. Since becoming friends with that bastard my life has been in danger more times than Fred and George's when they're experimenting with explosives.  
  
....."And if causing my life to be in danger wasn't enough he constantly over-shadowed me! He couldn't stand letting me have a bit of the spotlight once and a while! Everything always had to be about him. In our first year he dragged Hermione and me after bloody You-Know-Who to keep him from getting a rock! Saying that HE wouldn't go over to the dark side and if You-Know-Who. Then second year he was finally shunned but stupid me, I stood by him! But then he let that bloody diary be stolen by my sister again and she almost died!  
  
....."Third year everyone was looking after him because a mass murderer was after him! But who was attacked in the middle of the night? ME! The bloody murderer wasn't even after the great Harry Potter. He was after my rat! MY rat. I should have been the one protected not him!  
  
....."Forth year… bloody forth year. He was a bleeding Hogwarts champion! He wasn't even supposed to be IN the Triwizard Tournament! He was too young. But no… special Potter got out of exams and a load of Galleons, even after he killed Cedric Diggory. The TRUE Hogwarts champion.  
  
....."Lets not forget fifth year! He started an illegal club, nearly got the entire club expelled! Just because he brought the Dark Lord back and we needed to learn how to cast curses! He nearly got five students killed and killed his godfather! Then do you know what he did? He cast an Unforgivable! He cast it on a witch!  
  
....."He deserved to die after all he's done. And I for one am glad he's finally dead."  
  
....._Oh God Ron,_ Harry thought sorrowfully. _Its true. All of it. I'm so sorry. I never meant to put you in danger. You should have never become friends with me. I only caused trouble. At least I can't hurt anyone anymore.  
_  
.....The Fat Friar floated back in front of the podium after Ron went off in a huff and cleared his throat awkwardly, "Erm… Thank you Mr. Weasley for that enlightening speech about Mr. Potter, but perhaps we should speak a bit more politely about the deceased."  
  
.....Harry shook his head bitterly not believing he deserved the Friar's kindness.  
  
....."Friar, if I may?" Snape said appearing at the ghost's side seemingly out of nowhere.  
  
....."Oh, of course Professor," The Fat Friar said bowing out gracefully.  
  
....."Merlin knows I thought I would never say this," Snape said snidely. "But Mr. Weasley was correct. We were fortunate indeed that Potter died. Everyone expected him to save us from the Dark Lord. Everyone was a bloody idiot. Potter was a lazy untalented piece of shit. How the hell was he supposed to save the bloody Wizarding world if he couldn't' stand up to a Muggle? His Uncle abused him."  
  
.....Gasps were heard throughout the Great Hall and angry shouts were heard.  
  
....."Why was he allowed to beat up Potter? I wanted to do that forever!"  
  
....."Bloody Muggles getting all of the fun."  
  
....."He's even more of a freak than I thought!"  
  
....."Worthless absolutely worthless."  
  
....."Yes, yes… You all believed a little boy who couldn't even stand up to his uncle would save us from the most evil wizard in several centuries. Well… everyone is entitled to their mistakes, however a few of us were intelligent enough not to let Potter pull the wool over our eyes. He was an attention-seeking brat who endangered all around him. I will give a hundred Galleons to whoever dances on his grave first. I would have used his blood in a potion or two but I decided that it would just ruin the potions; he was awful at them… it must be in his blood…" Snape sneered and left the front of the room.  
  
....._I hate Snape, I hate Snape, I hate Snape,_ Harry chanted silently. _But he's right. I did hurt everyone around me and I couldn't save anyone else if I couldn't stand up to Uncle Vernon. Neville has to be the one from the Prophecy. He's been doing so much better in class. He'll be able to finish Voldemort.  
_  
....."Now, now," the Fat Friar said disconcerted. "This is a funeral, a time to reflect on the good in a person. A time to celebrate their life not their death."  
  
....._What's there to celebrate about my life?_ Harry thought bitterly.  
  
....."I've got something good to say," Draco Malfoy said smirking and coming into the front of the room. Everyone stared at the Slytherin as if he had grown another head. "I say that we give Harry Potter's relatives the Order of Merlin First Class for punishing him for endangering lives!"  
  
....._WHAT THE HELL?  
_  
.....Cheers were heard throughout the Great Hall. The Hufflepuffs that were below Harry all nodded their heads in agreement.  
  
....."Its only fair," one whispered to her friend. "Harry Potter deserved it and no one else did it. They should be awarded for punishing that freak."  
  
....."All who agree say 'I!'" Malfoy shouted into the room.  
  
....."I!" everyone in the room except for the Fat Friar shouted.  
  
....."Good, good," Fudge said coming up to the front of the room dragging the Dursleys with him. "Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursley, Dudley Dursley, I award you the Order of Merlin First Class for favors to the Wizarding World."  
  
....._Oh god… I deserved it. I deserved everything that they did to me._ Harry thought as he pulled his knees to his chest and hugged himself. He closed his eyes and tried to will the tears forming in his eyes to disappear.  
  
....."Harry? Harry!" he heard a voice calling him. He didn't want to answer it. He kept his eyes shut thinking of what a worthless threat he was. At least he wasn't alive anymore to hurt anyone else.  
  
....."Harry!" the voice called him again and he unwillingly opened his eyes and a tear slid down his face, as he saw not the Great Hall in front of him but the white walls of the Hospital Wing and Hermione's worried face.  
  
_AN:  
  
Heehee...  
  
Sorry... But I had to do it.  
  
One note you might want to read... I will not promise to update next sunday. I'm moving into my dorm on Friday and I don't know when I will have computer/internet access and I'm going to be insanely busy this week so I doubt a chapter will come out. HOWEVER if I do write a chapter.... IF... I will try hard to update it. But since I still need to buy socks for school... I doubt I'll have any time between shopping and packing to write anything.  
  
But please review! I'll defintely have enough time to check out my reviews and I need them to survive this week!_


	41. Unshed Tears

**Unshed Tears  
Chapter 41**

__

_AN:  
I apologize.  
As I stated in the last part of the ANs of chapter 40, I went to college.  
I put all of my works in progress on a floppy to transfer them once I set up my (new) laptop.  
My laptop did not work for a week, then I had a load of homework, then I had to write an essay (on an _

_essay... /groans/), and then I finally was going to get my floppies out and load my pretty writing onto my _

_laptop.  
My laptop...  
Doesn't have a floppy drive.  
I had half of the 41st chapter on it.  
So as I write these ANs I'm glaring angrily at the case containing the floppies I have... or at least I would if _

_I could find them in the mess that is my dorm room...  
NOT that it matters.  
Anyway I don't own Harry Potter and ect.  
Oh yeah... I currently don't have a spell check so the spelling my be worse than usual... scary isn't it?_

_Please don't hurt me?  
I  
I  
V_

"Finally awake are you? Its about time," the nurse stopped at Harry's bed and took out her wand, talking so fast it was surprising that she didn't choke on her own tongue. "Don't you think you've been here enough without getting hit in the head with a bludger? Follow my wand dear... good... now remember these five words, Hippogriff, Broom, Potion, Wand, and Merlin. Now I want you to repeat them back to me... good good, well dear does your head hurt? Of course it does, I'm afraid I couldn't give you anything for the pain until you woke up since we weren't sure how your head was. Well just drink this and you'll feel as right as rain. No getting out of bed mind you. You've had a nasty shock. If you need anything just tell Miss Granger, I'm sure she'll be happy to assist you." And the nurse bustled back to her office with that final command.

"Harry, how are you?" Hermione asked her dark-haired friend after Madam Pomfrey closed her door to her office. 

"Why are you always the one who is here when I wake up?" Harry asked slightly bitterly and turned his head away from her.

Hermione pretended not to hear what he said and went on, "You've been here for two days now and everyone is terribly worried."

Harry stiffened at her words and turned back towards the young girl sitting at his bedside. He looked blankly at her and asked, "If everyone is so worried about me then why aren't they here?"

Hermione started for a moment before quickly saying, "Ron has Dividation with Neville and Ginny is in Care of Magical Creatures. Its my free period. We've all been here in turns since Madam Pomfrey absolutely refused to have us all in here at once and went on about how we were in here enough already and she should have thrown us out long before when we did get out of the hospital wing."

"Yeah... right..." Harry said and turned away from Hermione again.

"Harry, look at me," Hermione demanded of her friend. Harry resalutely ignored her. Hermione repeated herself, "Harry, look at me."

"Just leave," Harry said quietly still staring at the wall blankly.

"I will not," Hermione replied sharply. "I'm not going leave you here alone to stew in whatever is making you so disagreeable today."

"Its called a head-injury," Harry replied scathingly.

"No, its called you being a general git," Hermione retorted lightly. "Seriously Harry, why are you in such a bad mood? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Harry replied shortly.

"Turn to my me and say that," Hermione said softly.

Harry slowly turned for the fourth time in nearly five minutes and said slowly without rising his eyes to Hermione's which were staring at him intensely, "Nothing is bothering me."

"Look at me when you say that," Hermione commanded.

"Leave me alone," Harry replied sighing deeply and turned back trying to pretend that Hermione was gone. He wanted to be alone. He needed to be alone. He couldn't cry in front of anyone. And right now he needed to cry so badly it hurt.

"Tell me why," Hermione said.

"No," Harry replied.

"Fine, I'll just stay here until you ask me why or Ron and Neville come here and I go to Arithmancy, but they are even less likely to leave you alone, they'll be telling you about all of the stupid trouble they got into when Malfoy was acting like a royal git," Hermione said heatedly and took out her copy of _The Daily Prophet,_ shook it angrily, and started to read the front page.

Harry was awarded two minutes of angry paper rustling and increasing pain from unshed tears for his efforts. At the end of the two minutes Hermione let out a gasp that she quickly snuffed out and turned the page rapidly.

Harry quickly looked at Hermione and panickly choked out, "What?"

"Nothing, its nothing," Hermione said quickly refusing to look at Harry.

"What is it?" Harry pressed. "Is it about... about what you found out about me?"

Hermione blinked twice then realized what Harry was talking about, "Oh no... nothing about that..."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Then he realized that it must be related to him somehow otherwise she wouldn't have tried to cover it up like she had in fourth year when Rita Skeeter had written that he was mentally unstable right before the third task...

The pain grew bigger.

"What's it about then?" Harry asked.

"Nothing," Hermione insisted.

"Its connected to me isn't it?" Harry asked.

"No... no of course not," she insisted looking at the paper as if making sure that Harry's name wasn't in the article.

"I'm bound to find out," Harry said employing the tactic he used in fourth year. "Please tell me."

"Fine," Hermione heaved knowing she was beat. "An elementry school in Surrey was attacked by Death Eaters yesterday. A group of children playing in the playground were attacked but Aurors responded quickly and no one was killed and it was only a small group of kids there since they had off school. They suffered the Crucatius curse and a couple of other nasty hexes. But they'll be fine."

"In Surrey," Harry said dully.

"Yes," Hermione confirmed still not looking at him.

"It was the local elementry school wasn't it?" Harry asked.

Hermione glanced down at the artical quick and said, "Yes."

"Voldemort's orders I bet," Harry said analytically. "He wants to strike at my heart and since he can't get to my relatives he attacks my old school. Where I grew up. They were safe by the stupid blood wards that made me live with them in the first place. Well at least it did some good... no one died."

"Harry, are you alright?" Hermione asked timidly.

"Hermione can you leave me alone now?" Harry asked tiredly. "I really want to be alone now."

"Alright," Hermione agreed softly, standing up and gathering her books up in her bag. "Ron and Neville will be here in a half an hour. I'm going to the library to study."

"Bye," Harry said as Hermione left the hospital wing.

He was alone now and tried to release the pain he felt inside him; he tried to cry.

He couldn't cry even when he was alone now.

His tears were left unshed as the pain from their containment grew.

I  
I  
I  
V  
_AN:_

_Please review?_


	42. Suspicions of the Dark

**Chapter 42**

**Suspicions of the Dark**

_AN: I don't own HP_

_And I'm getting back into the habit of updating every Sunday._

_EVERYBODY'S happy, except me, because I WANT to own HP... /pouts/_

Voldemort tapped his fingers impaciently against the arm of his chair waiting as his followers arrived after summoning them through Wormtail's Dark Mark. He had found out something interesting that past weekend and wished to discuss it with the few Death Eaters who managed to be able to string three coherent sentences together within five minutes. He knew the majority of his followers were nimwits, which was why they were expendable on raids.

After the last Death Eater apparated in, nearly tripping over Nagini in the process, causing the serpent to rise and hiss threateningly at the man causing him to stumble back from the Master's most trusted guard, the Dark Lord said. "I've heard the most interesting things that are occuring at Hogwarts this year..." 

Silence blanketed the room as Voldemort stalled, waiting to see if anyone would take his prompt. Satisfied that no one was going to speak out of turn he continued, "I have heard that our friend Potter has been having an unusual ammount of accidents this year. Would anyone care to explain? Lucius!"

"Yes, my Lord?" asked the Death Eater bowing as he addressed his superior.

"Your son was the one to give this information to relay it to me, true?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes my Lord," Lucius confirmed.

"Tell your son he has given me invaliuable information and shall be rewarded when he fully joins our ranks after he graduates Hogwarts," Voldemort said almost carelessly, Malfoy graciously returned to his feet with an air of smugness radiating through his mask which hid his aristocratic smirk. "Severus."

"Yes my lord?" asked the potions master, bowing beside the patriarc of the Malfoy family.

"Why did you not think to bring this to my attention?" the Dark Lord hissed quietly.

"Forgive me my Lord," Severus stated calmly. "I did not believe it to be important that Potter is exceptionally clumsy in school."

"Did it ever occur to your dimwitted brain that it might have been more than clumsiness?" Voldemort casually, then suddenly pointed his wand at the kneeling man shouting "Crucio!" in a fury.

Snape silently fell to his side and twitched for the three minutes Voldemort had him under the curse.

"Now, why did you not think it important that the boy was having far more life threatening accidents this year than in the past?" Voldemort pressed as soon as Snape stopped twitching.

"My Lord," Snape said a bit shakidly. "Potter always gets into dangerous things, I have become immune somewhat to the stupidity of his actions throughout the five years I have taught him."

"That is inexcusible," Voldemort spat and put the Crucatius curse on him again. When he stopped for the second time he continued his lecture. "I need my spy to remain sharp. You have the trust of the fool Dumbledore and I while I would prefer not to loose that if you continue slipping in your duty I will just have to get over the fact that you will be confined to the Malfoy dungeons to provide your services of potion brewing to me until I am no longer inclined to kill you on sight. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, my Lord," Snape said bowing his head, having returned to his kneeling position during the Dark Lord's little rant.

"Do you at least have any information for me?" Voldemort sounded almost bored as he began to pet Nagini who had slithered over sensing that her master was enjoying himself and wanted to join in as well.

"Yes, my lord," Snape replied softly. "Albus Dumbledore has been gathering more Aurors to his side who are exclusively loyal to him and Fudge has only phantom control over them. Also he has been discussing things late into the night with the insufferable werewolf Lupin about things I'm afraid I have not been able to discern. I have tried to come into their confidence but I believe Lupin is discouraging my joining their discussions."

"Is that all Severus?" the Dark Lord said lazily continueing to stroke Nagini's head.

"I am not sure if this is significant my Lord but," Snape said hesitantly. "The Potter boy seems to be wary of touch lately."

"Indeed?" the Dark Lord seemed ammused. "Do you have any theories on this Severus?"

"Unfortunally no, my Lord," Snape said regrettably. "It just stuck me as curious. He has shied away from touch in several different incidences, once during my class and several times during the meals in the Great Hall."

"How intersting," Voldemort said quietly. "Julius Clarmont, you work in Saint Mungos do you not?"

"Yes my Lord," Clarmont said bowing.

"What are the possible reasons for the boy pulling back from touch?" Voldemort inquired.

"My Lord, there are several reasons this might happen," Clarmont said. "The boy could have taken potions to highten his senses and any touch would be painful. He could have been abused as a child. He could be afraid of you, my Lord, the last time you met could have shooken him so badly he now reacts like this. He could have been raped. Although since there has been no previous mention of this behavior I believe only the theories that could have occured within the past few months are viable."

"Severus," the Dark Lord turned to his potions master. "Do you think Potter is capable of making such potions?"

"My Lord, the stupid boy can not even make a simple sleeping draught let alone the complex potions to highten senses," Snape sneered bowing his head.

"Of course," Voldemort acknowledged. "Everyone is dismissed except for Severus and Wormtail."

There were echoes of "Yes My Lord"s and the pops of disaparation throughout the room.

"Severus," Voldemort said calmly as soon as the echoes dispersed. "You know the signs of depression rather well do you not?"

"Yes, My Lord," Snape said neutrally.

"Tell me, do you think the boy could possibly be depressed?" Voldemort said conversationally.

"My Lord, he does not show the signs, his grades are all the same, he laughs too much for his own good, and is still just as arogant as ever. As far as I can tell he just does not like to be touched anymore," Snape said summittingly. "However he did mope around after his mutt godfather was killed last June. Although I doubt it, this year could be an act to fool those around him."

"If you suspect that it is truely an act and Dumbledore asks you about it, lie and come straight to me, I have an interesting idea I would like to try," the Dark Lord commanded.

"Yes, my Lord," Snape said softly.

"You are dismissed," Voldemort said and then turned his attention to Wormtail.

"I have a job for you," Snape heard right before he disapparated.

_AN:_

_Please review!!!_


	43. Failure

**Chapter 43**

**Failure**

_AN:_

_I don't own HP, and probably never will._

_Story now:  
_  
"Failure, that's all you ever were," a voice echoed through Harry's mind. "All you'll ever be. You will fail the wizarding world, you will hand your friends to Voldemort on a silver platter. Unless you can finally do something right. But you've been trying haven't you?"

Harry shook his head slightly and turned his attention back to Professor Flitwick and his introduction to the Wensday pratical lesson, his last class before dinner and then Occlumency lessons. Madam Pomfrey had released him that morning after extracting the promise that he wouldn't over do anything, from Harry himself, as well as Ron and Hermione who had come to escort him to his first class.

"The psuedoimagina charm has only failed against wizards of great power. Although if you are aware of something fishy is going on you may be able to see the signs of the charm, but not through the charm," Flitwick was saying. "Professor Dumbledore is one of the few people today to be able to see through such glamour charms. Why is he the exception to the rule? And no, Mr. Finnegan, I will not accept because the answer 'Because he is a wizard of great power.'"

Hermione put her hand up, but contrary to previous years she did not wave it around wildly to call attention to herself. Professor Flitwick looked around the room to see if anyone else had an idea and then called on Hermione just as cheerfully as if someone else had known the answer. He was one of the few professors who didn't get annoyed with Hermione being the only one able to answer his questions.

"Yes Miss Granger?" he prompted from his stack of books.

"Professor Dumbledore can see through the psuedoimagina charm because the magic in him is so strong that it affects all of his organs, including his eyes. The reason he wears his glasses is not because he needs them to be able to see better, but to see worse because I imagine it would get dreadfully annoying seeing the patterns of energy in Hogwarts. Of course he did need training in order to be able to see the energy in the first place, but that was only to hone his sight to see it, sort of finding a camoflagued hunter in a forest. It can be done but if he is camoflagued well its difficult to point him out from the foilage," Hermione explained, loosing the purebloods with her last analogy.

"Very good Miss Granger," Flitwick squeaked happily. "You've got it exactly right! Today we'll be working on the tell tale signs of that particular charm..."

Harry stopped listening to the professor. He didn't care if he could figure out how to tell if someone looked different from what they normally did. Besides, he wouldn't be able to anyway. He couldn't do anything right. The previous night he had overheard Lupin and Dumbledore talking in the next room:

"Headmaster you have to talk to him! He's hurting himself, he's depressed! You would have never let this go on if it were any other student," Remus hissed at the man. "Even Severus has noticed it and he despises Harry! Harry's tried to kill himself at least once, probably more than that if Severus is right about the potion, and you have to admit Dumbledore, the man knows his bloody potions! Harry's hurting! Help him damn it!"

"I'm sorry Remus but I can't, he doesn't trust me," Dumbledore said sadly. "And yes, while its true that I would have intervened earlier with any other student, Harry is not any other student. I fear that if I intervene he would become dependent on me. He can't lean on me, thinking that I could do things for him, that was my mistake in the first place. I tried to protect him but all I did was cause him pain."

"Bloody Hell Albus! You're not helping him because you are afraid you'll make another mistake? Do you know how bloody stupid that sounds?" Remus asked fiercly. "He is a boy who is hurting. You're supposed to help him or at least let others do so. He will succeed sooner or later Albus. If he keeps trying to kill himself, he'll succeed. Severus, bloody Snape won't always be there to save him! Snape was the one who found Harry, who saw that the potion he made was poison, who kept Harry's brain inside his head when that bludger should have killed him! If he hadn't cast that Course Alter charm Harry would be dead and burried by now!"

"No he wouldn't," Dumbledore said quietly. "Harry can't die, not by his own hand, not by yours, or mine, or anyone's except Voldemort's until Voldemort is dead for good."

"You're speaking nonsense Headmaster," Lupin growled.

"That's enough for tonight Remus. I have some maintence papers I must get to and don't you have some fourth year test papers to correct? Goodnight," Dumbledore said and Harry heard a door shut soon after.

"Harry, come on mate, lessons are over," Ron said shaking Harry's shoulder slightly, causing him to jump in surprise. He hadn't realized he had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he had missed the entire lesson while still being in the room.

He looked at Hermione nervously, expecting to see an angry scowl on her face because he had been daydreaming during class, but was surprised to see her face frowning in what appeared to be concern.

"What's wrong Hermione?" Harry asked as they walked down the hallway.

"Nothing," Hermione replied quietly

Dinner was relatively quiet considering the fact that Harry was just released from the Hospital Wing that day, only three underclassman had come and asked how he was doing, followed shortly by asking for details of what it was like to be hit in the back of the head by a bludger.

"I've got to go to Occlumency," Harry said dully, standing up from the table.

"See afterwards mate," Ron said between bites of his pudding.

"Do you have to go Harry?" Hermione asked concerned. "You only got out of the hospital wing today. Don't you think you're overdoing it?"

"If I don't go, Snape will give me a week's worth of detentions doing manual labor," Harry said sourly. "That will be far more tiring than this. See you later."

"Bye," Hermione said uncertainingly.

Harry made his way to the dungeon's slowly, postponing the inevitable by a minute or two. He walked into Snape's classroom and Snape greeted him with, "Potter, tell me. How did you manage to keep your childhood a secret from bloody everyone? Including myself when I was rooting around in your memories?"

_AN:_

_Please review! I need them to live!_


	44. Adopting a Secret

**Adopting Secrets.**

_AN:_

_Sorry for not updating for the past two weeks! First I had to help my mom move into a new appartment and do ALL of my homework on Sunday... (not good mind you since I had to do a Chem Lab, write a paper, read two chapters, and do some worksheets) I didn't have time.  
Then LAST Sunday I was so sick I could hardly lay down with my eyes open without the room spinning around._

_Anyway I don't own HP. However I do now own a toy sword! YAY! I was sword fighting all of yesterday with my friends Sammy Solo and Jacquelin Sparrow... it was great..._

_Anyway..._

_Story now!_

"What?" Harry asked stupidly, stalling for time. Damn Occlumency screwed everything up.

"How did you manage to keep those memories from me until you were so damned exhausted you looked as if you could have collapsed at any moment?" Snape clarified.

"I... I don't know," Harry said quietly refusing to look in the Legimen's eyes.

"Now why do I have a hard time believing that?" Snape spat resisting the urge to throw something against a wall. "The first Occlumency lesson we attended I had no trouble seeing your childhood memories, however after that first lesson I did not realize that I was seeing memories from your time at Hogwarts. However one time when I questioned you about your vision, you thought I was speaking about a childhood memory of yours. Those were the only childhood memories I had seen of yours since that first lesson. And the next time I saw memories from your childhood you ran off in a huff. How did you manage to keep those memories out of your incredibly small brain when you were failing to learn Occlumency?"

"I... I just didn't want to think about it," Harry said dully. "So I didn't."

"So you didn't," Snape mocked. "I don't believe that Potter."

"Its the truth sir," Harry muttered biting back the retort that Snape didn't believe a lot of things.

"We'll see then won't we?" Snape sneered. "Legimens!"

_Harry was in detention with Umbridge writing 'I must not tell lies' at eleven o'clock at night._

_All of the lights on the Hogwarts Express had suddenly gone out and a hooded figure was in the door, a hand was withdrawn into a robe._

_He was lying apathically while his uncle told him that he, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley would be going out while he was locked in his room._

"POTTER!" Snape snapped cutting off the connection. "You aren't even trying!"

"But you don't seem to be able to find what you want sir," Harry pointed out tonelessly.

"I wasn't trying to find out anything you imbecile!" Snape glowered. "Five points from Gryffindor for correcting a teacher. Now Potter, why aren't you trying to block your mind? Voldemort could easily walz straight into your mind right now and pluck out information about the Order or the location of your dear friends' houses. He could easily attack them or their families."

"But doesn't that mean he could find out the location of Headquarters?" Harry asked suddenly thinking of something.

"Of course not Potter! It has a secret keeper you numbskull! No one can find it without the Secret Keeper telling them," Snape said irriatably. "Ten points from Gryffindor."

"But sir, what if he sees the memory of D..." Harry stopped when he saw the glare Snape sent at him. "... of the secret keeper freely giving me the location of headquarters?"

Snape looked startled, "You're dismissed Potter. I need to speak to the headmaster about something."

Harry blinked. He was getting off that easily? Harry walked towards the doorway counting his blessings when Snape said to him slightly destracted, "Detention tomorrow Potter for walking out of a lesson. We'll continue this tomorrow."

_Damn it,_ Harry thought sourly pausing slightly. I should have known better.

Harry walked down the corridor, not wanting to go back to face his friends just at that moment. He thought he would have had at least the full hour and a half of freedom from his friends, even if it did mean he would have to be in Snape's company.

Harry heard the clunking of armor for the fifth time that night and turned around annoyed. "Sir Cadogen! Go away! If Dumbledore or Snape or Lupin sicced you on me then go back to them and sulk but I can quite clearly hear you. Although I doubt Snape would assign you because he has some sense in lurking in dark shadows!"

"Why you crusty botch of nature! If I should ever look upon thy face again I shall think upon hell-fire!" Sir Cadogen said coming into view and then clunked away loudly.

"Stupid git," Harry muttered under his breath heading towards the Room of Requirement. He knew he could be alone there. It was easy, all he would have to do was think hard on a place where no one but him could go.

Harry walked in front of where the door should be thinking desprately on that thought. A place where no one could follow him, not a human, a ghost, a portrait or a house elf.

The door showed up and he walked through it into a small room with a cot, a desk and chair with a piece of parchment resting next to the ink pot and quill. Harry closed the door quietly and went over to the desk and picked up the parchment. It read:

**Rules for the Solitary Set Up:**

_1. One can be in here for no longer than twenty-four hours._

_2. One cannot step out of the Solitary Set Up for a moment after his or her time is up to step back into the room. There must be a twenty four hour break between individual uses of the Solitary Set Up._

_3. If one becomes unconsious due to injury he or she will be transported to the hospital wing._

_Violations of Rules One and Two will result in the transportation of the person to the hospital wing with a status report from what is currently known as the Room of Requirement._

Harry looked at the paper oddly. He didn't know there actually was such a set up that allowed people to be alone. If he had known this he would have used this room to slit his wrists in the first night he was here. Harry looked at the rules again and realized that the result would be the same, and he would still be alive, although he might have woken up earlier.

Its a pity, he felt better when he felt the blade sliced through his skin.

Harry sat on the bed with his back to the wall and curled up into a small ball; he tried to cry, but couldn't find it in himself to shed the tears.

Why couldn't he have died when his parents did? It wasn't as if he was living.

He wished he could have that feeling back when the blade slipped through his skin. It made him feel better. He could concentrate on the physical pain.

Harry shifted slightly on the bed and bumped into something. It was a knife. He picked it up and looked at it curiously. He wondered what it would feel like just to cut himself. Would he be able to concentrate only on the physical pain then? Harry rolled up his sleeve until it was bunched at his shoulder. He cut his upper arm shallowly.

He smiled sadly, he had found a way to cry.

He had adopted a new secret.

_AN:_

_PLEASE REVIEW!!!_


	45. Sorry

**Little Bit with an Author's note:**

_HI folks,  
This chapter has been accidently deleted no less than three times.  
And then 'REAL' life decided to interfere.  
So you are gonna wait a while for me to a. repost chapter 44... (which btw is only changed at the bottom)  
and b. get the rest of this chapter.  
Maybe once things calm down a bit.  
Which could be some time in March?  
Well... you get a little bit.  
a LITTLE bit of the story now_

l

l

V

Harry looked at his watch and sighed. He should really be getting back to the common room since it was about when his Occlumency lesson was about over and if he stayed out any longer than that Hermione was sure to interigate him.  
Interigation was the last thing he needed. He was finally calm. The pressure that had been building up inside of him since he first woke up finally diminished. Question after question would just bring back that pressure. He didn't need it. He couldn't handle it.

He knew it wasn't a good thing to cut himself. When he was nine, Mrs. Number Nine's daughter was sent to some sort of camp, and a theropist for doing the same thing. Aunt Petunia had been gleeful about that bit of gossip, completely ignoring what had been going around about her nephew... (especially since she was the one who started most of the rumors). She sent him over to Mrs. Number Nine's house to give her 'home-baked' cookies and the Dursley's 'condolances' about her daughter, and to say if she ever needed any help to call her.

Mrs. Number Nine wasn't happy that Aunt Petunia was offering to help her. She threw the cookies, plate and all, to the ground and started shrieking about how she didn't need help from some nosey house-wife who hadn't done a day's work in her life and was raising a criminally insane boy, and had the gall to send that boy to 'give condolances.

Aunt Petunia wasn't happy about the broken dish, or the rumors that had started about her after that. So of course, Harry had to be using his unnaturalness to make his aunt miserable. Uncle Vernon decided that enough was enough.

Harry winced as he gave the password to the Fat Lady who was slightly annoyed that her gossip session with Violet.  
He stepped through the portal into the usual disarrayed common room and walked quietly over to Hermione and Ron.

_Sorry about the lateness and the shortness,_

_there will be more eventually... as soon as i can find time to write this again._


End file.
